These vaginal squeezes have been such a huge part of my physical life, especially since discovering The Tupler Technique. True, right after you have a baby there is no stopping the urine flow when you gotta go but that quickly rectifies with time. Especially if you employ deep kegels to the count of ten while giving your breasts to your baby, as the midwives at the Austin Area Birthing Center taught me to do. 10 kegels as you nurse on each breast gives you 20 kegels each breastfeeding session and when you're nursing 8-10 times a day 200ish kegels is an easy goal to reach. And one that pays off! Or at least it did for me, long runs and trampoline flips a year post-baby were all 'whhheeeeee!' without surprise pee. Cool.
And the more I attempted to pull my vagina to my bellybutton the more everything internal seemed to work itself back into proper place. My diastisis recti closed up by working hard on it Tupler-style after birthing my twins but according to Katy at Aligned and Well doing such intense kegels should have weakened my pelvic floor to the point my inner organs should be falling out! Since I am the #1 checker of my own cervix I'm quite aware of where my uterus sits and yep it's still way way up there. Cool.
Annnyway....Squats. Squats are the key Katy Says, as muscles function optimally by balancing each other out and it's the gluteus maximus that balances the pelvic floor. Huh. Well, squats have always been central to my workouts too so maybe that's why it's all worked out for me. Breastfeeding while doing squats and including your fabulous vaginal muscles is an excellent exercise in balance, core strength and patience and is one of my absolute favorite exercises to do with a baby. I'm available for hire as a post-partum fitness doula in case anyone is wondering!
And for those who are just posh without being a mama, a strong pelvic floor is obviously in your best interests too. Birthing babies is not the only threat to it as age and gravity are attracted to us all.
SO, my personal anecdotal kegel success aside I encourage you to listen to the Katy with science on her side. I'll be RSVP'ing to her next online Pelvic Floor Party and I hope you do too! xoxo
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Thursday, November 10, 2011
no more swaddling? really???
awww....but I loooooved the swaddle! And so did my babies. After a few hours of waketime when the fussiness set in, it was swaddle to the rescue along with swoooshing, singing, shusshing, swinging, ......I think that makes Dr. Karp's 5 S's right? hmm...no that sounds a little off but it's been a while. Whatever, it worked! And I thought the man was pretty much a genious for giving me such simple and effective tools to calm my baby.
I took much pride in my tight burrito wrap, 'You could work in a taco shop!' my Dad proudly said as he watched me in action, deftly folding the top corner down, placing sweet baby neck-length at the top of my blanket fold, holding one arm down and wrapping one side of blanket over, holding it firm with one forearm as I quickly pulled the other side over another tiny held down arm, finishing up with a cute little wrap of the blanket's tail and all of the sudden I have a snug little bug ready for breast and bed.
What's so wrong with that???
A lot, apparently. Even *gasp*.... DANGER as one source touted this news of too-tight baby-wrapping. Danger for my child's emotional and physical development, caused by a practice I have been taught by trusted professionals, had immense success with and grown to love. The latest of parenting news in 'YOU'RE DOIN' IT WRONG!' comes loud and clear the more you dive in, it's something new every day. *sigh* But dammit I'm trying so hard!
Aren't we all? And aren't we all entitled to mistakes? And aren't we all blessed with the gift of learning? Yes we are all blessed with this life-long process of frustration that ultimately leads to our growth.
Nothing to beat yourself up over, nothing worth diving into a pit of despair. But very, very much worth the openess of your heart and mind.
Not so open that your brains fall out, or so loose that you lose track of your heart.....but please. Please in this internet age of exposure to the point of indecency, where potentially offensive ideas and statements can pop out at you from your FB page or your favorite friendly forum, challenge yourself to consider the news without losing yourself. Don't take things too personally, and if something does hit home in a major way....let it simmer. Decide whether it's an issue you really could benefit from exploring, or if a quick round file is it's best place. In and right out of your head and suddenly you're stronger for it. Way to be posh!
But if finding that strength involves deeper work....do not be afraid. Do not be afraid to face mistakes, especially those you didn't even know you were making, or that you were forced into. Or that you have resisted regretting. Our mistakes teach us so much, looking hard in the mirror and allowing yourself to see imperfection teaches us so much and there is so shame in that.
Do not let shame and guilt be your barriers to personal growth, and barriers for social change for us all.
We're way too posh. xoxo
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Digging on the Duggars'
Has been the latest in snark and spouting of opinions upon announcement of another Duggar on the way. Opinions that are totally valid to express as everyone has their right to one especially concerning people who purposefully put themselves in the limelight on reality television, their lives sensationalized for our viewing pleasure and the padding of their paycheck.
The harsh words so many have for Duggars' however, are also valid to critique as they reveal much about our cultural views on parenthood, family structure, birth choices, reproductive freedom, politics and religion.
The Deranged Housewife tackled the myths, rumors and most vitriolic comments many large families endure these days, ending her essay with focus on the core issue ~ the basic human right of reproduction.
The comments that bother me the most have been centered on the premature birth of their last child, evidently brought on by Michelle Duggar's condition of preeclampsia. She had the same condition years ago with her second pregnancy, and evidently some people believe she should have stopped there rather than continue the risky business of bringing forth new life. This attitude displays a lack of compassion for babies born with health challenges and accepts the ideas that a woman is not capable of making her own decisions regarding pregnancy and birth and that the female body is defective and a dangerous place for her child. These messages are so damaging to mothers who have been wrongly told they cannot or shouldn't have children, or who are healing from birth trauma, or caring for premature babies with disabilities. I applaud Michelle for continuing to make the decisions she and her husband knew were right for their family and securing appropriate maternity services to provide the best possible care for both herself and her children. Life has it's challenges, that doesn't mean you give up! Especially not on your babies.
I actually don't know much about the Duggar family having never watched a full episode of their show and only reading the random article here and there. Talk about their use of Michael and Debi Pearl's book To Train Up a Child and the rumor they live according to Quiverfull Patriarchy is concerning, but in absence of evidence of abuse concern is as far as it goes for me. I do love seeing big families, and while twenty is highly unusual these days a lot of happy loved kids is a beautiful sight. My own family boasts four and most places we go we are the largest family and it is nothing but fun. Most people say they can't imagine more than two children and go down the list of why they stopped having babies: The money, the size of their home, the lack of extended family and/or resources to support the daily work of childcare, the need to work to pay the bills or find fulfillment, the size of their vehicle, getting 'me time', the cost of college, etc. We had the same reasons for deciding our family size was all we could handle....and the farther away I get from that decision the more I wonder how good those reasons are as they are based in materialism, desires for personal freedom and the fear of burden of responsibility. As different as they live from my own day-to-day I find the many ways the Duggars and other large families have rejected much of the mainstream in order to make life more welcoming to more little lives to be endearing and inspiring.
There have been many comments expressing frustration over the unfairness of the high fertility of some while others remain childless yet filled with the desire to parent. It's an exercise in futility to look for rationality when emotions are running high, but anger directed at those who nurture abundant life only grows seeds of negativity in your own heart. How does what one family chooses affect another? Obviously it's not like if Michelle Duggar had one less child another woman would be gifted one. However, in indirect ways the decisions each person makes and the cultural standard for accepting and respecting life has effect on us all.
In her book Concious Conception Jeannine Parvati Baker presents her theories regarding the reasons for infertility, a central theme is the prevalence of chemical birth control and the surgical termination of a developing fetus - abortion, and the repercussions these practices have on the subconscious collective mind and the hostility to life that is bred and born. In many mainstream circles it is preferred to not discuss abortion at all, to sweep it behind the curtain as 'A Woman's Choice' and nothing more while ridiculing and denigrating a woman who chooses to bear many children by deeming her everything from 'gross' to 'selfish' to 'crazy' and 'unfit' to the point her sterilization is called for abounds in public discussion. Wow, that really says a lot about us doesn't it? It says a lot when those who claim to be feminists vehemently fight for the right for violence to have an acceptable place in our wombs while abhorring the woman who uses her body over and over again to protect and give life, resorting to such ugliness as calling her vagina a clown car.
What else does it say about birthing rights? The inalienable right a procreative couple has to produce offspring, and the inalienable right for autonomy in giving birth that so many women are wrongly denied? Is it a coincidence that the demand for abortion rights casts a mother and child as enemies, and the rights of women who want to carry their pregnancies to term and continue to care for their children are restricted? We see this struggle manifested in the current pro-life push for Personhood which is extremely distressing to me as it does nothing to address the root causes of abortion, criminalizes desperate women and strips rights from birthing mothers.
To the posh women of the world, stand up for your rights and the rights of your children, the basic rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness that is not any government's to grant. Make your childbearing decisions consciously, choose procreative partners wisely, learn your body and protect it, pass on these lessons to your sons and daughters.
Reject the message that mothering is demeaning, live and love it for what it truly is - esteeming.
The harsh words so many have for Duggars' however, are also valid to critique as they reveal much about our cultural views on parenthood, family structure, birth choices, reproductive freedom, politics and religion.
The Deranged Housewife tackled the myths, rumors and most vitriolic comments many large families endure these days, ending her essay with focus on the core issue ~ the basic human right of reproduction.
The comments that bother me the most have been centered on the premature birth of their last child, evidently brought on by Michelle Duggar's condition of preeclampsia. She had the same condition years ago with her second pregnancy, and evidently some people believe she should have stopped there rather than continue the risky business of bringing forth new life. This attitude displays a lack of compassion for babies born with health challenges and accepts the ideas that a woman is not capable of making her own decisions regarding pregnancy and birth and that the female body is defective and a dangerous place for her child. These messages are so damaging to mothers who have been wrongly told they cannot or shouldn't have children, or who are healing from birth trauma, or caring for premature babies with disabilities. I applaud Michelle for continuing to make the decisions she and her husband knew were right for their family and securing appropriate maternity services to provide the best possible care for both herself and her children. Life has it's challenges, that doesn't mean you give up! Especially not on your babies.
I actually don't know much about the Duggar family having never watched a full episode of their show and only reading the random article here and there. Talk about their use of Michael and Debi Pearl's book To Train Up a Child and the rumor they live according to Quiverfull Patriarchy is concerning, but in absence of evidence of abuse concern is as far as it goes for me. I do love seeing big families, and while twenty is highly unusual these days a lot of happy loved kids is a beautiful sight. My own family boasts four and most places we go we are the largest family and it is nothing but fun. Most people say they can't imagine more than two children and go down the list of why they stopped having babies: The money, the size of their home, the lack of extended family and/or resources to support the daily work of childcare, the need to work to pay the bills or find fulfillment, the size of their vehicle, getting 'me time', the cost of college, etc. We had the same reasons for deciding our family size was all we could handle....and the farther away I get from that decision the more I wonder how good those reasons are as they are based in materialism, desires for personal freedom and the fear of burden of responsibility. As different as they live from my own day-to-day I find the many ways the Duggars and other large families have rejected much of the mainstream in order to make life more welcoming to more little lives to be endearing and inspiring.
There have been many comments expressing frustration over the unfairness of the high fertility of some while others remain childless yet filled with the desire to parent. It's an exercise in futility to look for rationality when emotions are running high, but anger directed at those who nurture abundant life only grows seeds of negativity in your own heart. How does what one family chooses affect another? Obviously it's not like if Michelle Duggar had one less child another woman would be gifted one. However, in indirect ways the decisions each person makes and the cultural standard for accepting and respecting life has effect on us all.
In her book Concious Conception Jeannine Parvati Baker presents her theories regarding the reasons for infertility, a central theme is the prevalence of chemical birth control and the surgical termination of a developing fetus - abortion, and the repercussions these practices have on the subconscious collective mind and the hostility to life that is bred and born. In many mainstream circles it is preferred to not discuss abortion at all, to sweep it behind the curtain as 'A Woman's Choice' and nothing more while ridiculing and denigrating a woman who chooses to bear many children by deeming her everything from 'gross' to 'selfish' to 'crazy' and 'unfit' to the point her sterilization is called for abounds in public discussion. Wow, that really says a lot about us doesn't it? It says a lot when those who claim to be feminists vehemently fight for the right for violence to have an acceptable place in our wombs while abhorring the woman who uses her body over and over again to protect and give life, resorting to such ugliness as calling her vagina a clown car.
What else does it say about birthing rights? The inalienable right a procreative couple has to produce offspring, and the inalienable right for autonomy in giving birth that so many women are wrongly denied? Is it a coincidence that the demand for abortion rights casts a mother and child as enemies, and the rights of women who want to carry their pregnancies to term and continue to care for their children are restricted? We see this struggle manifested in the current pro-life push for Personhood which is extremely distressing to me as it does nothing to address the root causes of abortion, criminalizes desperate women and strips rights from birthing mothers.
To the posh women of the world, stand up for your rights and the rights of your children, the basic rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness that is not any government's to grant. Make your childbearing decisions consciously, choose procreative partners wisely, learn your body and protect it, pass on these lessons to your sons and daughters.
Reject the message that mothering is demeaning, live and love it for what it truly is - esteeming.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
in praise of midwifery
To those who promote physiological birth and work to create the optimal conditions to support it, to those who show us how graceful the mechanism of birth can be and how essential utilizing our own equipment is, who honor the hours following birth.
Thank you.
To those who know human rights are essential to optimal maternity care, who work to develop relationships of trust with the women they serve, who believe in providing individualized care and take into account each unique woman's personal history, culture, family structure and desires to help them achieve the safest and most satisfying birth possible for their baby.
Thank you!
To those who tell us 'Your body is not a lemon!' .....thank you.
For the average healthy woman wanting to birth her baby vaginally without force of intervention, the model of midwifery care is an excellent place to start! I encourage any mother to at the very least interview a midwife, so you truly have an idea of what your care options are. Birth Centers provide safe and beautiful spaces to welcome your baby and of course, there's no place like home for a birth to live up to your conceptions. I found my excellent homebirth midwife through the Texas Association of Midwives, where will you find yours?
Some families have found their midwifery care on Ina May's famous Farm, be sure to add her latest book Birth Matters: A Midwife's Manifesta to your library - I know I can't wait!
"Classically, midwives have been the wise women who looked out for their communities: they were the women to whom you would go to get help with burying your grandparents; the women who would come with hot meals for the family when the husbands have been ill; they were mature women who never gossiped or betrayed confidences. They furthered wise action and harmony in their communities, and in turn, their communities took care of and honored the midwives. A midwife’s role should be to promote harmony." ~ Gloria Lemay
"My community made me a midwife by asking me to attend births, I apprenticed directly to birth itself. My promise as spiritual midwife is to honor the journey, be attentive to what presents itself, and remind a mother by my presence that she already knows how to give birth." ~Jeannine Parvati Baker
Give back to those who mother so many by engaging in ways to change birth globally and get involved locally by supporting groups that work to protect and increase access to midwifery care.
To those midwives who attend twins and breech babies at home - thank you from the bottom of my heart!
Thank you.
To those who know human rights are essential to optimal maternity care, who work to develop relationships of trust with the women they serve, who believe in providing individualized care and take into account each unique woman's personal history, culture, family structure and desires to help them achieve the safest and most satisfying birth possible for their baby.
Thank you!
To those who tell us 'Your body is not a lemon!' .....thank you.
For the average healthy woman wanting to birth her baby vaginally without force of intervention, the model of midwifery care is an excellent place to start! I encourage any mother to at the very least interview a midwife, so you truly have an idea of what your care options are. Birth Centers provide safe and beautiful spaces to welcome your baby and of course, there's no place like home for a birth to live up to your conceptions. I found my excellent homebirth midwife through the Texas Association of Midwives, where will you find yours?
Some families have found their midwifery care on Ina May's famous Farm, be sure to add her latest book Birth Matters: A Midwife's Manifesta to your library - I know I can't wait!
"Classically, midwives have been the wise women who looked out for their communities: they were the women to whom you would go to get help with burying your grandparents; the women who would come with hot meals for the family when the husbands have been ill; they were mature women who never gossiped or betrayed confidences. They furthered wise action and harmony in their communities, and in turn, their communities took care of and honored the midwives. A midwife’s role should be to promote harmony." ~ Gloria Lemay
"My community made me a midwife by asking me to attend births, I apprenticed directly to birth itself. My promise as spiritual midwife is to honor the journey, be attentive to what presents itself, and remind a mother by my presence that she already knows how to give birth." ~Jeannine Parvati Baker
Give back to those who mother so many by engaging in ways to change birth globally and get involved locally by supporting groups that work to protect and increase access to midwifery care.
To those midwives who attend twins and breech babies at home - thank you from the bottom of my heart!
Monday, October 3, 2011
teaching gentleness
to little gentlemen is my primary task in daily life with 17 month old twin sons. How best do to it?
I grew up with spankings for discipline, I don't know what my parents remember or think of those days but in my own memories I know I felt like I deserved what was given. I remember being spoken to in serious, low tones and looked right in the eyes with explanation of why what I did was wrong. The resulting consequence was detailed next, followed by a calm count of '1 2 3' with the consequential spank followed by big hugs and words of love. Spanks were usually by hand but sometimes with a wooden spoon, most memorably the time my Dad surprisingly whacked the spoon across the bottom of his own shoe, going through the motion but wanting to spare me on my birthday. Love you forever Daddy!
I never realized how abusive spanking could be until I was fully grown and had conversations with friends who commiserated that they were also spanked, but their stories were of parental anger provoked by simple things like a missing pair of scissors and countless strikes not limited to a clothed bottom. Stories of shoes thrown viciously at small heads in drunken anger, smacks across the face accompanied by cruel words, and far worse. WOW, I had never felt afraid of my parents. What my friends knew as spanking was NOT what 'spanking as discipline' had been for me.
In defense of the way I was parented and lovingly disciplined I felt there was a 'right' way to spank, and naturally did the same thing when I became a parent myself. Around 2 years of age my daughter gave me a wild eyed look and ran as fast as she could into a busy street, laughing at me as I screamed at her to 'STOP'!! She was quickly captured, the danger and wrongdoing of her actions explained, a count of '1 2 3'....and you know the rest. Same thing when she gave me that daredevil grin and proudly unbuckled her seatbelt while we were hauling down the interstate, after pulling over three times in a row as she giggly continued her game I finally gave her the consequence I thought would help her tiny mind to get it. Guess what she has NEVER run into the street since and has been stringent in observing our rule of waiting to unbuckle until the driver does. So did discipline by spanking 'work'? I suppose so. But spanking had only been one tool used only on occasion and primarily for safety issues, simply talking to her and most importantly guiding her in advance toward positive behavior were the most stellar stars in my toolbox. Especially after watching the phenomenon of my little girl at three effectively put herself in time-out by voluntarily choosing to go into her 'mad house' when she became frustrated and angry I started to seek out the wisdom of a few super posh friends who never spanked their kids and began to wonder if some of the other, more gentle means I employed wouldn't have worked just as well for those times I felt a swift swat had been necessary.
Her little brother came along, and no matter what he did a spanking in response never felt right. I purposed to tap into these children, to respect their journey of learning and decided that physical force no matter how graciously metered out and lovingly given did not have a place in our relationship. Being surprised with twin boys next, I was so grateful for my new conviction as I could not imagine having a physical relationship involving anything but hugs and kisses with so many boys who promise to soon be big strong men.
Oh but darn....they have a few physically violent ideas of their own. Like little angry animals soon after they turned a year they started going after each other tooth and fist first in the quest to stake territory over treats, toys and yep even my breasts. Yikes! What to do?? I had learned quickly with my daughter that hitting a child in attempt teach them not to hit felt.....insane. I mean seriously.
So it's been all about how it feels to be hurt. Not posh for anyone right? Certainly not for me, and those rolling tears I see my tiny men cry when they are victims of each other say they don't enjoy it either. Talking to them like they are people (what a concept!) and knowing teaching will take time is starting to pay off. Today one little son got mad, going after my face with slapping hands and his twin came running to my rescue saying 'no no no' with a waving finger and got his brothers attention. The angry one stopped and suddenly they both started saying 'gentle' while softly patting my cheeks, following up with kisses. SWEET SUCCESS!!!
Teaching a child the joy of making good decisions on their own takes time and patience while imparting a lesson deeper, truer and so much more meaningful than immediate compliance forced by fear.
I hope Michael and Debi Pearl learn this truth in light of the tragic death of a child at the hands of their discipline method detailed in their books 'To Train Up A Child'.
Yes I had major beef with Babywise but my friend Mary is right that it makes the abuse sanctioned by the Ezzos small potatoes compared to the family violence encouraged by the Pearls. All based on the Bible, with tragic human error in interpretation. The rod. Intended to be a gift of guidance, twisted to be a tool of torture. How and why? Dark deception, exactly how and why I am heartbroken over and overwhelmed in attempt to apologize for.
Please, teach and model gentleness in your life, beyond your children and to everyone you encounter. Regardless of what some 'Christians' preach know that Jesus Christ taught and modeled the treatment of any person and especially the smallest to be simply of grace and sacrificial love.
And PLEASE read Mary's moving post on this issue, don't forget to watch the Anderson Cooper clip and pray for the Pearls to have a serious change of heart, along with anyone deceived by their tragically flawed parenting principles.
I grew up with spankings for discipline, I don't know what my parents remember or think of those days but in my own memories I know I felt like I deserved what was given. I remember being spoken to in serious, low tones and looked right in the eyes with explanation of why what I did was wrong. The resulting consequence was detailed next, followed by a calm count of '1 2 3' with the consequential spank followed by big hugs and words of love. Spanks were usually by hand but sometimes with a wooden spoon, most memorably the time my Dad surprisingly whacked the spoon across the bottom of his own shoe, going through the motion but wanting to spare me on my birthday. Love you forever Daddy!
I never realized how abusive spanking could be until I was fully grown and had conversations with friends who commiserated that they were also spanked, but their stories were of parental anger provoked by simple things like a missing pair of scissors and countless strikes not limited to a clothed bottom. Stories of shoes thrown viciously at small heads in drunken anger, smacks across the face accompanied by cruel words, and far worse. WOW, I had never felt afraid of my parents. What my friends knew as spanking was NOT what 'spanking as discipline' had been for me.
In defense of the way I was parented and lovingly disciplined I felt there was a 'right' way to spank, and naturally did the same thing when I became a parent myself. Around 2 years of age my daughter gave me a wild eyed look and ran as fast as she could into a busy street, laughing at me as I screamed at her to 'STOP'!! She was quickly captured, the danger and wrongdoing of her actions explained, a count of '1 2 3'....and you know the rest. Same thing when she gave me that daredevil grin and proudly unbuckled her seatbelt while we were hauling down the interstate, after pulling over three times in a row as she giggly continued her game I finally gave her the consequence I thought would help her tiny mind to get it. Guess what she has NEVER run into the street since and has been stringent in observing our rule of waiting to unbuckle until the driver does. So did discipline by spanking 'work'? I suppose so. But spanking had only been one tool used only on occasion and primarily for safety issues, simply talking to her and most importantly guiding her in advance toward positive behavior were the most stellar stars in my toolbox. Especially after watching the phenomenon of my little girl at three effectively put herself in time-out by voluntarily choosing to go into her 'mad house' when she became frustrated and angry I started to seek out the wisdom of a few super posh friends who never spanked their kids and began to wonder if some of the other, more gentle means I employed wouldn't have worked just as well for those times I felt a swift swat had been necessary.
Her little brother came along, and no matter what he did a spanking in response never felt right. I purposed to tap into these children, to respect their journey of learning and decided that physical force no matter how graciously metered out and lovingly given did not have a place in our relationship. Being surprised with twin boys next, I was so grateful for my new conviction as I could not imagine having a physical relationship involving anything but hugs and kisses with so many boys who promise to soon be big strong men.
Oh but darn....they have a few physically violent ideas of their own. Like little angry animals soon after they turned a year they started going after each other tooth and fist first in the quest to stake territory over treats, toys and yep even my breasts. Yikes! What to do?? I had learned quickly with my daughter that hitting a child in attempt teach them not to hit felt.....insane. I mean seriously.
So it's been all about how it feels to be hurt. Not posh for anyone right? Certainly not for me, and those rolling tears I see my tiny men cry when they are victims of each other say they don't enjoy it either. Talking to them like they are people (what a concept!) and knowing teaching will take time is starting to pay off. Today one little son got mad, going after my face with slapping hands and his twin came running to my rescue saying 'no no no' with a waving finger and got his brothers attention. The angry one stopped and suddenly they both started saying 'gentle' while softly patting my cheeks, following up with kisses. SWEET SUCCESS!!!
Teaching a child the joy of making good decisions on their own takes time and patience while imparting a lesson deeper, truer and so much more meaningful than immediate compliance forced by fear.
I hope Michael and Debi Pearl learn this truth in light of the tragic death of a child at the hands of their discipline method detailed in their books 'To Train Up A Child'.
Yes I had major beef with Babywise but my friend Mary is right that it makes the abuse sanctioned by the Ezzos small potatoes compared to the family violence encouraged by the Pearls. All based on the Bible, with tragic human error in interpretation. The rod. Intended to be a gift of guidance, twisted to be a tool of torture. How and why? Dark deception, exactly how and why I am heartbroken over and overwhelmed in attempt to apologize for.
Please, teach and model gentleness in your life, beyond your children and to everyone you encounter. Regardless of what some 'Christians' preach know that Jesus Christ taught and modeled the treatment of any person and especially the smallest to be simply of grace and sacrificial love.
And PLEASE read Mary's moving post on this issue, don't forget to watch the Anderson Cooper clip and pray for the Pearls to have a serious change of heart, along with anyone deceived by their tragically flawed parenting principles.
Saturday, October 1, 2011
The Secret Is Inside You
Of course it is! The amazing placenta. So many benefits!
I had never spent much time thinking about or appreciating any particular inner organ but have grown to discover and love many parts of myself, my uterus and I are awesomely good friends now. Yep. Did you know that during pregnancy your body grows an entirely new inner organ? The very first creative collaboration between you and your child, if you want to get romantic about it. I get sentimental over every Crayola red painted handprint, every tootsie pop tarantula and batch of blueberry muffins I help my brilliant kids make but it took me a while to appreciate this natural creation of gestation.
After my first baby born in the hospital, 'Ugh, yeah you have to give birth to it too, grossssssss' is what I reported to my VIP girlfriends.
After my second baby in a birthing center I'm sure the midwives were horrified as I looked at them blankly when they asked if I wanted to keep my sons' placenta and replied 'What, why? Ew, no.'.
By the next time I found myself pregnant I had gotten a bit of an education on the placenta and earned a new respect for Matthew McConaughey. I could not WAIT to see in person the placentas I had seen on ultrasound screen and looked forward to their births as a grand finale. My placenta encapsulation specialist was the first person I called right after my midwife with the news I was in labor.....before I called my mom.
I had prepared myself for two placenta births but they turned out to be fused together and needed just one push to be born. They were pretty darn gorgeous to me in my blissed-out birthy state, my midwives thought so too and made a big fuss over arranging the hanging umbilical cords around the conjoined placentas to make out the shape of a heart. aww....so cute. Snap snap snap went their cameras.
Lindsey from Placenta Benefits was super cute herself in her chef outfit and was professional as she was kind and enthusiastic. 'So cool you have TWO placentas! You'll probobly have enough left over to take during menopause! ' she said as she washed and prepped the placentas, cut them into small peices and placed them in a dehydrator to dry overnight. The next day she returned to turn the dried pieces into powder to stuff into capsules, presenting me with two jars of placenta pills as she had kept each placenta separate, just for fun.
There is conflict over the validity of the research behind placenta benefits, but after reading so many positive personal accounts I figured why not? Adding them to my regular vitamin regime was easy and I definitely saw a difference in my recovery compared to the births of my two older children. Yes I was still exhausted from pregnancy and birth and caring 'round the clock for two babies but my emotions felt more even and I coped better then I ever had before. I was told by well-meaning family and friends that I probably wouldn't be able to make enough milk to feed two babies and while I knew they were wrong I was so glad for the potential lactation support from the placenta pills. With my uterus as big as it had ever been, it shrank faster than it had before and postpartum bleeding became lighter and disappeared weeks earlier than it had after my first two babies.
The claims of those who partake include:
*Hormone balance
*Enhanced milk supply
*Increased energy
*Prevention of postpartum depression
*Less postpartum bleeding
*Quick return of the uterus to pre-pregnancy size
*Source of vitamins, minerals and nutrients
Everything a new mother needs, right there inside her. Even if she's a vegan who avoids meat for moral issues since no living creature was harmed in acquiring this organ placentophagia can be compatible with with kind food philosophies.
Don't let this precious piece of life be thrown into the biohazard bin, or worse sold off to be made into shampoo. MoonDragon gives us the details on cultural rituals performed with placentas through the ages, along with some interesting recipes including a placenta cocktail with tequila. Nope not kidding! I'm also not kidding when I say that as easy as the pills are to swallow, knowing what I know now about the power of placenta I would gratefully eat it raw if I needed to. Stories of mothers who have managed postpartum hemorrhaging this way are fascinating, bringing comfort to know of this readily available natural resource.
Respect birth, respect babies and our incredible bodies. Utilizing every gift and talent of nature to it's fullest is the ultimate in respect, and results in optimum outcomes.
Saturday, September 24, 2011
are the intactivists right?
Hmmm.... Considering all evidence and comparing all arguments in my opinion YES. Yes they are.
Yes, it's hard to hear.
Mutilator? Really you're saying I'm a mutilator?? But I love my son and would never do anything to hurt him! It's just NORMAL to have a boy circumcised, it's a quick and painless procedure right? I mean they did it right there in the hospital so clean and professional and modern, I know my kind doctor would never hurt my baby and the nurse told me he didn't even cry. How can you compare that to the violent and backwards FGM that happens in dirty huts in third world countries? Well after looking into it, male circumcision has much more in common with female circumcision than you would like to think. Starting with.....the cutting of genitals for crying out loud! WHY??
Well isn't it ugly? Aesthetics seems to be the most popular reason for circumsicion, saving boys from the ridicule of 'Gross! Anteater!' and wanting them to look just like daddy when comparing equipment. I hate to have to point out the obvious but sorry, the tip is just that. There are a just a few much more major differences between the genitalia of a toddling male child and a full grown man. Like size. Veins. Hair. Low hanging friends. Just to name a few. If beyond all that your young son happens to notice the difference in the length of foreskin how hard is it to say 'Yeah, back in the old days they used to cut the cap off your captain. Isn't that crazy???'
Fathers, ask yourself honestly. Is it YOU that wants your son to assimilate your penile style or are you really concerned about your son feeling strange left just as he's made? Sorry, being posh means you gotta ask the hard questions. For someone who has a great relationship with her Brazilian wax professional I realize it's bit of a double standard to be so disturbed by the this question of porn-approved good genital looks but when it comes to cutting skin, sorry I cannot relate. As a super-posh friend of mine once said 'If someone told me my vagina would be prettier with my clitoris cut off I'd punch them in the face.' Yeah, I have to agree with her there. And we're not alone.
But won't my son hump my couch and get my pretty pillows all dirty? Probably yes, whether your son is circ'ed or not. Yes, little boys bring their own kind of magic don't they? It's a challenge to teach them that exploring their body is all good, but best in the privacy of their own bed during those boring naps. Don't worry boy, the sheets will wash. You enjoy. Seriously, curbing self-pleasure has been an actual reason cited for circumcision and the sad thing is it works to some degree. Circumcised males are reported to masturbate less than their un-circumcised counterparts. I know it's stomach-wrenching to think of your children as sexual beings but it's the TRUTH of their healthy humanity! Respect that! Let them be, and give them your honest wise guidance to deal with it. A circumcised man will vehemently defend his pleasurable experiences and high sex drive and I have no doubt of his truth. But I also have had sex a time or two and understand that prescious inches of sensitive skin + action = GOOD. The more the better. Don't question or cut off nature's brilliance, for all our sakes.
But won't it protect them from getting AIDS? Yeah, like cutting of my breasts would protect me from getting breast cancer. Do we really want to be that interventionist, cutting off body parts from birth?
What about religions that require the cut? Some Jews are coming around, while Christians who very popularly cut without question need to know what their leader quite clearly said about the practice. Especially for the spiritual person who believes firmly in each unique individuals' right to life, isn't an infants' right to genital integrity just as basic?
But ewww, won't it get dirty and infected? As dirty and infected as a vaginal lips would get if you didn't clean them. Thats right it's the EXACT same thing. We can teach our boys genital health just like we teach our girls.
But really, won't he be made fun of? Circumcision rates are dropping all across America, fastest in California and slowest in Texas but dropping none the less. Yes your son will probably be made fun of for something or other while growing up. Will it be his nose? His haircut? Or his last name? His shoes or his wrong answer in class? And what if he's laughed at for the way his dick hangs? What side will he be on, the cut or the uncut? I know which side my sons will be on....and it's not the one I'd choose if I had a do-over.
My husband and I accepted the cultural norm without question. We learned about the non-reasons for circumcision and the associated risks too late to change hearts and minds. I don't cry at every diaper change or stress they'll grow into less of the men they are meant to be. But, I do have regret for things I did not know and I DO talk to every expectant couple I know and ask the question of whether they want to keep their son intact. I am just as forthright with my children in hopes they will make different decisions for their own sons.
I admit I've only known one thing and it will always be beautiful, welcome, perfect and whole in my eyes. But in short....FULL FORESKIN IS JUST FINE. To illustrate this point (yes this and all puns within this post are fully intended) I leave you with this totally posh gallery of intact men.
Your welcome.
And PLEASE please read through the recent series of excellent articles published in Psychology Today regarding the many myths about circumcision you probably believe, consider the concern over the emotional ramifications of forced genital surgery, realize the reality of the risks and allow yourself to be open to this persuasive Dick Move.
Yes, it's hard to hear.
Mutilator? Really you're saying I'm a mutilator?? But I love my son and would never do anything to hurt him! It's just NORMAL to have a boy circumcised, it's a quick and painless procedure right? I mean they did it right there in the hospital so clean and professional and modern, I know my kind doctor would never hurt my baby and the nurse told me he didn't even cry. How can you compare that to the violent and backwards FGM that happens in dirty huts in third world countries? Well after looking into it, male circumcision has much more in common with female circumcision than you would like to think. Starting with.....the cutting of genitals for crying out loud! WHY??
Well isn't it ugly? Aesthetics seems to be the most popular reason for circumsicion, saving boys from the ridicule of 'Gross! Anteater!' and wanting them to look just like daddy when comparing equipment. I hate to have to point out the obvious but sorry, the tip is just that. There are a just a few much more major differences between the genitalia of a toddling male child and a full grown man. Like size. Veins. Hair. Low hanging friends. Just to name a few. If beyond all that your young son happens to notice the difference in the length of foreskin how hard is it to say 'Yeah, back in the old days they used to cut the cap off your captain. Isn't that crazy???'
Fathers, ask yourself honestly. Is it YOU that wants your son to assimilate your penile style or are you really concerned about your son feeling strange left just as he's made? Sorry, being posh means you gotta ask the hard questions. For someone who has a great relationship with her Brazilian wax professional I realize it's bit of a double standard to be so disturbed by the this question of porn-approved good genital looks but when it comes to cutting skin, sorry I cannot relate. As a super-posh friend of mine once said 'If someone told me my vagina would be prettier with my clitoris cut off I'd punch them in the face.' Yeah, I have to agree with her there. And we're not alone.
But won't my son hump my couch and get my pretty pillows all dirty? Probably yes, whether your son is circ'ed or not. Yes, little boys bring their own kind of magic don't they? It's a challenge to teach them that exploring their body is all good, but best in the privacy of their own bed during those boring naps. Don't worry boy, the sheets will wash. You enjoy. Seriously, curbing self-pleasure has been an actual reason cited for circumcision and the sad thing is it works to some degree. Circumcised males are reported to masturbate less than their un-circumcised counterparts. I know it's stomach-wrenching to think of your children as sexual beings but it's the TRUTH of their healthy humanity! Respect that! Let them be, and give them your honest wise guidance to deal with it. A circumcised man will vehemently defend his pleasurable experiences and high sex drive and I have no doubt of his truth. But I also have had sex a time or two and understand that prescious inches of sensitive skin + action = GOOD. The more the better. Don't question or cut off nature's brilliance, for all our sakes.
But won't it protect them from getting AIDS? Yeah, like cutting of my breasts would protect me from getting breast cancer. Do we really want to be that interventionist, cutting off body parts from birth?
What about religions that require the cut? Some Jews are coming around, while Christians who very popularly cut without question need to know what their leader quite clearly said about the practice. Especially for the spiritual person who believes firmly in each unique individuals' right to life, isn't an infants' right to genital integrity just as basic?
But ewww, won't it get dirty and infected? As dirty and infected as a vaginal lips would get if you didn't clean them. Thats right it's the EXACT same thing. We can teach our boys genital health just like we teach our girls.
But really, won't he be made fun of? Circumcision rates are dropping all across America, fastest in California and slowest in Texas but dropping none the less. Yes your son will probably be made fun of for something or other while growing up. Will it be his nose? His haircut? Or his last name? His shoes or his wrong answer in class? And what if he's laughed at for the way his dick hangs? What side will he be on, the cut or the uncut? I know which side my sons will be on....and it's not the one I'd choose if I had a do-over.
My husband and I accepted the cultural norm without question. We learned about the non-reasons for circumcision and the associated risks too late to change hearts and minds. I don't cry at every diaper change or stress they'll grow into less of the men they are meant to be. But, I do have regret for things I did not know and I DO talk to every expectant couple I know and ask the question of whether they want to keep their son intact. I am just as forthright with my children in hopes they will make different decisions for their own sons.
I admit I've only known one thing and it will always be beautiful, welcome, perfect and whole in my eyes. But in short....FULL FORESKIN IS JUST FINE. To illustrate this point (yes this and all puns within this post are fully intended) I leave you with this totally posh gallery of intact men.
Your welcome.
And PLEASE please read through the recent series of excellent articles published in Psychology Today regarding the many myths about circumcision you probably believe, consider the concern over the emotional ramifications of forced genital surgery, realize the reality of the risks and allow yourself to be open to this persuasive Dick Move.
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