obstetrical nightmares, dreams of a gentle norm

Different hospitals operate differently, the way obstetricians practice can vary widely. After all, they are individuals too. According to OBG Management episiotomy rates are declining quickly. It's frightening that without evidence of benefit the practice of routinely taking a pair of scissors to a vagina has been so normal. The same goes for immediate cord clamp & cuts which are are on the decline too as more parents are becoming informed and including delayed cord clamping in their birth plans.

Some hospitals haven't caught on yet, and are still operating under archaic guidelines. This birth in a Phillipine hospital shows full covering of the mother's body except for clearly, the main circus ring. Her vagina is cut, roughly manipulated and her daughter is violently pulled out of her body to be dangled upside down in the cold air, her pulsing cord and only known source of life quickly clamped and cut off, taken away from her mother off to a table for a spray-down and a long tube shoved down her throat even though she's clearly active and breathing just fine on her own. The treatment of this mother and baby is posted proudly on YouTube by the parents, titled 'Normal Delivery' and the mother is very grateful to her OB, praising them as 'great' for getting her baby out 'clean'. Thank God right?

Yeah yeah it's totally not posh to judge but I have to ask, what is 'normal'? Normal is what you're used to, normal is what's expected. If what you expect is for your baby's birth to be a dangerous, frightening and barely survivable tragedy then I can see how you'd happily subject your body and your child to all kinds of abuse in the name of saving their precious life and praise your doctor as the hero who rescued you both. Of course, who wouldn't? I would glady take a bullet or throw my body unto oncoming traffic or let you cut my arms off to save any one of my children from certain death.

But is the average healthy woman birthing a healthy baby really such a dire situation? You can make life as much drama as you want... or not.

Kourtney Kardashian gave birth to her son in a hospital and yeah she had an epidural, whatever. She also remained comfortably calm and kept a great sense of humor as her water broke, she took a shower and did her makeup and took her time getting to the hospital. Her doctor was gentle and spoke to her with respect, encouraging her to reach down and take her baby. With a smile on his face he watched her touch and take hold of her son as he was fully born and pull him right up in her arms, just as naturally as I'm sure she's picked up Mason a thousand times since. POSH!!! Go Kourtney!

Normal is your frame of reference, when you don't have anything else to compare your 'normal' to you just don't know how things could be different, or better. After my first baby's hospital birth I left thinking it sucked but I was more focused on my beautiful new daughter, grateful to have her as everyone tells you that's 'all that matters'. It was definitely not as bad as the 'Normal Delivery' video, but it had more similarities with that situation than I would like. At the time I was still reeling from how intense and painful birth had been and accepted the rigors, routines and rudeness of the hospital staff as 'normal'. It wasn't until after I had a drastically different experience birthing my son with midwives in a birthing center that I reflected back on the way things went in the hospital and I realized.

Realized how detached and stripped of his role of protector and partner my husband had been.

Realized how disruptive and violating it felt to have random staff come in and out of the room unannounced to look not at my face, but at my spread open legs and scribble in their charts.

Realized how humilating it had been to have a trash can at the edge of the delivery bed.

Realized that even though my daughter was kept in the room with me, how traumatizing it must have been for her to be taken to a table a few feet away while she was suctioned, measured, pricked and weighed.

Realized how rude my OB had been to wink at my husband while throwing in a few extra stitches for his benefit.

Realized how much it sucked to have to immediately change rooms and be woken up through the night to be 'evaluated' while my husband tried to curl up on a tiny couch.


What a difference it was to be in a small birthing center with a single midwife and one additional after-birth attendant. Where my husband and I were left to labor together in privacy in a comfortable room with a king-size bed. Where carefully placed chux pads and swift hands by compassionate attendants made clean-up discrete and dignified. Where my baby's nuchal cord was dealt with gently, and he was placed on me directly. To stay. Where the three of us were left peacefully alone to sleep and breastfeed until morning when we happily packed up and walked out.

The way you are treated and what you experience while giving birth matters. The way we are born, matters!

When I was preparing to birth my breech baby, I searched for medically managed pictures and videos and found more than a few that gave me nightmares. This one is hard to watch, it shows horrible technique that surely, SURELY isn't practiced here in America. I talked to other mothers who had their breech babies born by being pulled out by my backup OB and they were healthy, she seemed to have a pretty good rate of success fully extracting second breech twins. But what if something went wrong? Brachial plexus injuries are serious, and too common! After reading guidelines for allowing spontaneous birth of a breech and seeing videos of a breech baby being born on their own, I could not find a reason to risk allowing someone to pull on my perfectly healthy baby.

How posh would a norm of gentle be? Where a mother's body is allowed to work, her baby allowed to be born spontaneously, and stay with her? This water birth video is simply beautiful, showing how well mother and baby work together and clearly benefit physically and emotionally from nature's design.

So, Posh Mama what kind of normal do you want? Do you need someone else to deliver your baby from you, or are you capable of giving birth yourself? Could you stay calm, allow your baby to be born and pick them up with your own two hands?

You know what I think.....of course you can!