Different hospitals operate differently, the way obstetricians practice can vary widely. After all, they are individuals too. According to OBG Management episiotomy rates are declining quickly. It's frightening that without evidence of benefit the practice of routinely taking a pair of scissors to a vagina has been so normal. The same goes for immediate cord clamp & cuts which are are on the decline too as more parents are becoming informed and including delayed cord clamping in their birth plans.
Some hospitals haven't caught on yet, and are still operating under archaic guidelines. This birth in a Phillipine hospital shows full covering of the mother's body except for clearly, the main circus ring. Her vagina is cut, roughly manipulated and her daughter is violently pulled out of her body to be dangled upside down in the cold air, her pulsing cord and only known source of life quickly clamped and cut off, taken away from her mother off to a table for a spray-down and a long tube shoved down her throat even though she's clearly active and breathing just fine on her own. The treatment of this mother and baby is posted proudly on YouTube by the parents, titled 'Normal Delivery' and the mother is very grateful to her OB, praising them as 'great' for getting her baby out 'clean'. Thank God right?
Yeah yeah it's totally not posh to judge but I have to ask, what is 'normal'? Normal is what you're used to, normal is what's expected. If what you expect is for your baby's birth to be a dangerous, frightening and barely survivable tragedy then I can see how you'd happily subject your body and your child to all kinds of abuse in the name of saving their precious life and praise your doctor as the hero who rescued you both. Of course, who wouldn't? I would glady take a bullet or throw my body unto oncoming traffic or let you cut my arms off to save any one of my children from certain death.
But is the average healthy woman birthing a healthy baby really such a dire situation? You can make life as much drama as you want... or not.
Kourtney Kardashian gave birth to her son in a hospital and yeah she had an epidural, whatever. She also remained comfortably calm and kept a great sense of humor as her water broke, she took a shower and did her makeup and took her time getting to the hospital. Her doctor was gentle and spoke to her with respect, encouraging her to reach down and take her baby. With a smile on his face he watched her touch and take hold of her son as he was fully born and pull him right up in her arms, just as naturally as I'm sure she's picked up Mason a thousand times since. POSH!!! Go Kourtney!
Normal is your frame of reference, when you don't have anything else to compare your 'normal' to you just don't know how things could be different, or better. After my first baby's hospital birth I left thinking it sucked but I was more focused on my beautiful new daughter, grateful to have her as everyone tells you that's 'all that matters'. It was definitely not as bad as the 'Normal Delivery' video, but it had more similarities with that situation than I would like. At the time I was still reeling from how intense and painful birth had been and accepted the rigors, routines and rudeness of the hospital staff as 'normal'. It wasn't until after I had a drastically different experience birthing my son with midwives in a birthing center that I reflected back on the way things went in the hospital and I realized.
Realized how detached and stripped of his role of protector and partner my husband had been.
Realized how disruptive and violating it felt to have random staff come in and out of the room unannounced to look not at my face, but at my spread open legs and scribble in their charts.
Realized how humilating it had been to have a trash can at the edge of the delivery bed.
Realized that even though my daughter was kept in the room with me, how traumatizing it must have been for her to be taken to a table a few feet away while she was suctioned, measured, pricked and weighed.
Realized how rude my OB had been to wink at my husband while throwing in a few extra stitches for his benefit.
Realized how much it sucked to have to immediately change rooms and be woken up through the night to be 'evaluated' while my husband tried to curl up on a tiny couch.
What a difference it was to be in a small birthing center with a single midwife and one additional after-birth attendant. Where my husband and I were left to labor together in privacy in a comfortable room with a king-size bed. Where carefully placed chux pads and swift hands by compassionate attendants made clean-up discrete and dignified. Where my baby's nuchal cord was dealt with gently, and he was placed on me directly. To stay. Where the three of us were left peacefully alone to sleep and breastfeed until morning when we happily packed up and walked out.
The way you are treated and what you experience while giving birth matters. The way we are born, matters!
When I was preparing to birth my breech baby, I searched for medically managed pictures and videos and found more than a few that gave me nightmares. This one is hard to watch, it shows horrible technique that surely, SURELY isn't practiced here in America. I talked to other mothers who had their breech babies born by being pulled out by my backup OB and they were healthy, she seemed to have a pretty good rate of success fully extracting second breech twins. But what if something went wrong? Brachial plexus injuries are serious, and too common! After reading guidelines for allowing spontaneous birth of a breech and seeing videos of a breech baby being born on their own, I could not find a reason to risk allowing someone to pull on my perfectly healthy baby.
How posh would a norm of gentle be? Where a mother's body is allowed to work, her baby allowed to be born spontaneously, and stay with her? This water birth video is simply beautiful, showing how well mother and baby work together and clearly benefit physically and emotionally from nature's design.
So, Posh Mama what kind of normal do you want? Do you need someone else to deliver your baby from you, or are you capable of giving birth yourself? Could you stay calm, allow your baby to be born and pick them up with your own two hands?
You know what I think.....of course you can!
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
making more posh moments possible
There is nothing so precious as a cuddly crying cooing baby, or so posh as a loving mother who's able to take just as good care of herself as her newborn.
Reminding you today to help your friends and family out when they have a new baby. Everyone tells a new mother to to sleep when her baby sleeps and to ignore the piling laundry and sink full of dirty dishes. Hard to do when the mess not only drives you crazy but begins to pose a health hazard, and your family needs clean clothes and food to eat!
New parents need help, so be posh and be generous and make your visits short and productive. A load of dishes or a quick floor sweep makes a big difference, and somehow it's really so much more fun to clean someone else's house isn't it? Don't forget to leave a casserole, some soup, fresh veggies or cut-up fruit!
My favorite post-partum manners reminder was recently posted by Gloria Lemay.
And you can't get much sweeter than sending a darling hand-made welcome baby card along with a carefully packed care package.
From my sister, at Good Greetings & Good Eatings
I've been blessed to get all kinds of thoughtful and useful things from my own generous family and friends including a weeks's worth of frozen meals, hand-me-down zippered sleepers with happy baby karma, bouquets of dried lavender, books for my older kids, and items from my Super Posh Post-Partum list.
Give love and get love back.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
So you want to have a VBAC?
Awesome! I think you can do it....and so does ICAN.
Obstetrical practice has traditionally operated under the rule of 'once a cesarean, always a cesarean' believing the risk of uterine rupture from the previous cesarean incision was too great in a vaginal birth. More recently, many doctors are coming around to rationally weighing the risks of uterine rupture against the overall risks of a repeat cesarean.
Uterine rupture is a serious complication that is rare, but can even happen without having a prior c-section.
All birth carries risk. Too often the VBAC scenario is presented in a way that implies a repeat cesarean removes danger from the situation and the woman wanting to birth vaginally is putting her own selfish desires above the health of her baby. Anyone who makes you feel this way or makes drastic predictions of the outcome of your child's birth is not giving you truthful information or encouraging informed decisions and is unfairly playing on your emotions. Don't stand for it, you are WAY too posh!
In reality there are very real dangers in elective surgical birth and it is the responsibility of parents and ultimately the birthing woman to educate themselves and be the respected decision makers, if serving a mother and child's best interests is truly the goal.
Thousands of mothers have sought out supportive birth attendants (or forgone attendants completely) and successfully given birth vaginally after a cesarean. Some have done it at home with a breech baby, others at home with twins, triplets have even been born vaginally after a cesarean. Data continues to be evaluated and current research shows encouraging rates of healthy outcomes for both mothers and infants.
So is a VBAC the right choice for you?
Birth is personal! For you, Posh Mama there is an answer that is unique to you and your baby depending on everything from your birth history, current health, the health of your baby, your beleifs and attitude about birth and the birthing options available to you locally.
My friend Jennifer did a super-posh job of connecting with her local ICAN chapter for VBAC education and support. In her hometown of Atlanta she found and retained the services of an excellent obstetrician with an excellent VBAC success rate, Dr. Joseph Tate.
Here is the story of Jennifer & her daughter Greer:
Backstory:
I just knew from the start of my pregnancy with my son that I would have an uncomplicated natural birth. I studied hypnobirthing and read tons of inspirational books by people such as Ina May Gaskin and Grantly Dick-Read. Not once did I pay any attention to the rate of c-sections or how to prevent them. I just assumed they didn't apply to me. I ended up being induced at 41 wks 5 days because my blood pressure had sky-rocketed. I had planned a water birth and labored in and out of the tub med-free until at 9cm, my midwife felt a foot and discovered that my son was breech. Without any discussion or consultation with me, she and the back-up OB decided that I would need a c/s. I recovered very quickly from the c/s primarily because like an ostrich with her head in the sand, I just decided to pretend like it hadn't happened. It stunk, it wasn't at all what I wanted, but I got over it. I did immediately decide that I would go for a VBAC with my next pregnancy.
Birth Story of Taylor Greer
I spent my entire pregnancy absolutely convinced that 1) there was no way labor would start until well after my EDD since I was induced with my son at almost 42 wks and 2) worried that I wouldn’t recognize when labor was beginning. Turns out I was wrong on both counts.
The morning of Thursday, April 14th (my EDD was 4/18) I went to breakfast with my a friend. Throughout breakfast I felt super crampy and kept blaming it on the fact that I had been stupid enough to wear skinny maternity jeans at 39 ½ weeks pregnant.
Throughout the day the cramps became irregular contractions which slowly became more regular. By that afternoon, they were no more than 10 – 15 min. apart and very mild, but still regular enough that I checked in with my doula, Kelly, and my husband, Greg throughout the day joking that I thought we might actually have a baby by the weekend. I even told my son Walker when I picked him up from school that day that I thought he might be meeting his baby sister very soon. That afternoon, Walker and I went on a walk with the same friend from breakfast and throughout the walk I had to stop several times as I suddenly got random inner thigh nerve pains/spasms and contractions. That night, after Walker had been put to bed and Greg and I sat down to dinner, I realized that the contractions were more regular and coming closer together, often every 5-6 min, however they were not very intense and I was able to laugh and talk through them. Nevertheless, I checked in with Kelly and she advised me to go to bed early just in case the prodromal labor became active labor. Fat chance as I never go to bed early and it was already 9pm and I was just sitting down to dinner. I called my parents and told them that they should head to bed early just in case they had to make the drive to Atlanta from Tallahassee, FL in the middle of the night. Unfortunately, by the time I got into bed after 10pm, I was too keyed up and the contractions were becoming more intense and I was unable to fall asleep. I woke Greg up around 2am to let him know that the contractions were coming regularly about 6 – 8 min. apart and were definitely more intense. I could no longer talk through them and had been practicing my deep breathing through each contraction since I had gotten in bed. Greg called Kelly and she told him that it sounded like I was in early labor and that we should go back to sleep (not a chance for me) and call her in a couple of hours. He then called my parents and asked them to start the drive from Tallahassee. At a little after 4am, I woke Greg up to let him know they were now an average of 4 min. apart (ranging from 3 – 5) and were getting even more intense. We called Kelly and she said that she would head over as soon as she could unless we wanted to meet her at the hospital. The plan had always been to labor at home as long as possible so I decided that I would rather have Kelly come to the house and do a cervical check (she is a former L&D RN) and then make a decision based on the results of that. Greg called Dr. Tate’s office to let him know that I was in labor and they advised us to head to the hospital.
When Kelly showed up to our house around 5am, she did a cervical check and determined that I was 4 cm and about 80% effaced. We decided that we would stay put so I could labor in the comfort of our home. Greg called Tate’s office back to let them know that we were staying put for a while. I think he fibbed and said that the contractions had slowed as Tia was telling him that we really should head to the hospital. We went upstairs and I got in our bed in a slanted seated position with my legs in a wide butterfly propped up by a bunch of pillows. I found the position to work wonderfully for breathing through the contractions and stayed put for several hours. I really didn’t have an urge to walk around and found that while I really enjoyed the birth ball in between contractions, I did not like sitting on it during one. For some reason I never got in my tub. Not sure why, since I loved laboring in the water with my son, other than I think I was just so comfortable in bed. The contractions were becoming more intense and longer, but stayed around 4 -5 min. apart. Kelly and Greg did their best to keep me hydrated and nourished, but the thought of food generally made me nauseous. My parents showed up at about 7:30am and Kelly checked me again to determine whether we should head to the hospital. She found me to be about 6 cm and 80% effaced which we took as a good sign as I was opening about 1 cm/ per hour. Still, based on the time of day and traffic, we decided to labor at home for a bit longer. When Walker woke up shortly after, Greg got him dressed and when he asked him if he knew what today was, Walker answered “baby sister coming”! Crazy. Kids are pretty intuitive. Greg brought him into our bedroom and he spent some wonderfully sweet time snuggling with me. He kept saying “that’s my mommy” over and over.
At around 9:30am with the contractions staying the same time apart but becoming still stronger and longer, I decided that I was ready to go to the hospital. We said good bye to my parents and Walker, who got really upset that we were leaving. When we got into our garage, I suddenly got really uncomfortable. I begged Kelly and Greg to wait for me to do some yoga stretches and I got down on our dirty garage floor and did some cat/cow and child’s poses. Once in the car, I threw a yummy smelling eye pillow on and did my best to continue my deep breathing and keep myself focused.
We got to the hospital and I got quite a few stares as we made our way to labor and delivery with me very obviously in labor. I worked through several strong contractions while waiting at registration (and wondering why I had bothered pre-registering if this was taking so long) and suddenly got emotional and starting crying. I think I was tired from not sleeping all night and excited and nervous that this was finally happening. Once we were led to triage at around 10:30am, a nurse strapped a monitor to me and checked me. She determined that I was 5 ½ cm and 80% effaced (slightly less than Kelly had determined when she last checked). I was a bit discouraged that I had gone since 7:30 with no visible progress.
After about 20 min, we were moved into our labor and delivery room and I resumed the same position that I had found so comforting at home. Meanwhile the contractions became stronger and stronger and were often lasting as long as 2 – 3 minutes. I labored in that position for a couple of hours and then Kelly encouraged me to get up and try some new positions as I was becoming increasingly uncomfortable. I tried the birth ball and again found it really uncomfortable to ride out a contraction on. I did sway my hips quite a bit and then lean into Kelly or Greg during contractions and that worked for a while. I then decided to get on the floor and try some stretching – cat/cow, etc. That is when Dr. Tate walked in a little after 2 pm. He had me get in bed and checked me and found that again I was still 6 cm, but now about 90% effaced. He did find that the cervix was very soft and able to be manipulated and he did his best to manually open me. Extremely discouraged at the lack of progress and exhausted after the night without sleep and 12 hours of pretty hard labor, I really began to doubt my ability to do this without any medication. I found myself losing focus during contractions a bit, no longer riding out that peaks but tensing a bit and even found my mind wandering to the thought of a PCB or epidural. I mentioned to Kelly and Greg a few times that I didn’t know how much longer I could do this and they kept encouraging me by telling me that I was doing great. At some point Tate came back and checked me and determined I was at 8 cm completely effaced.
Kelly left us to get some lunch and when she came back an hour or so later I told her that I wanted the PCB. While she was gone, my contractions had stayed no more than 4-5 min. apart but were now consistently 2-3 min. long with multiple peaks. Kelly asked the nurse to call Tate and tell him I wanted a PCB. He came in a while later and at that point I felt like I was at the end of my rope. God bless Tate though, he walked up to me and propped his arms up on the squat bar that we had put up at some point earlier and I was leaning into and looked at me and said he had two options. He said that he knew my plans were to go natural so he could either 1) check and see if there was enough of a cervical lip left to give me the PCB and assuming there was give it to me and see if I dilated the last 2 cm quickly or 2) he could break my water (which had been bulging since Kelly had first checked me at 5am) and that I would probably be pushing in 15 – 20 min. A surge of energy hit me (I could do 15 – 20 more minutes!) and I told Tate that I would kiss him if that was true.
I got on my back and he broke my water. He left the room and in just about 15 min. I announced to the room that I thought I was ready to push. Kelly and the nurse told me to go ahead and try a couple of pushes to see if I could bring her down. I leaned forward against the squat bar and thought to myself if pooping means you are pushing right, then go ahead and try to poop. Ha! Ha! My poor husband, I pushed a few times with contractions and pooped right along with each one. Surprisingly I wasn’t the least bit mortified, I was thrilled. I knew I was pushing effectively!
All of a sudden several people came into the room and set all sorts of things up and then Tate came in and announced that it was great that I had pooped. The back of the bed was pretty much completely upright and broken down for the squat bar. He said he thought we should get rid of the squat bar and despite the fact that I had told him when we discussed my birth preferences that I wanted to choose my pushing position, I agreed. At this point I just wanted to push my baby out fast and I figured he had all the experience and should know what he was talking about. He had me pull my knees up to my chest, but I continued sitting pretty much straight up. At that point, I completely blocked everything out. I was having contractions one after the other with only maybe 1 min of a break in between and I had already figured out how to push, so I went with it. With each contraction I took a quick breath in and then pushed as hard as I could. Amazingly everyone was pretty much quiet (I had told Tate that I didn’t want anyone counting for me or telling me to push unless I clearly needed it). The only thing I heard Tate keep saying was “bring it around the corner”, which I didn’t really understand, and tell me to continue pushing into his fingers. After a few pushes I head everyone exclaim that the head was there and I reached down and patted my baby girl’s head. My only thoughts were – that is really squishy, and man my vagina has to stretch a LOT to get that head out. A few more pushes later and her head was out and then a quick push and I felt an enormous relief of pressure as Taylor Greer was born at 4:48 pm after only 13 minutes of pushing! I was exhilarated and was shaking and kept saying “oh my God” and “sweet baby girl” over and over as she was placed immediately on my chest after Tate yelled out “I need to see boobs”. I couldn’t believe she was here and that I had done it! Never have I felt so amazing and empowered in all of my life. Dr. Tate waited the few minutes we had asked for and then had Greg cut the cord. A few minutes later, I birthed the placenta and lay down exhausted. Greer latched on and began nursing almost immediately as Tate and an intern began stitching up my 2nd degree tear which was almost more painful than anything else.
I am so thankful to Dr. Tate for believing in women and believing in our bodies’ ability to give birth the way nature intended. I will forever remember his care and respect for my preferences and final encouragement to get me to pushing. I am grateful and thankful for the support of my husband Greg and my doula Kelly, who not only was incredible throughout my labor, but helped me begin my study of childbirth through hypnobirthing, and who helped distill the fear associated with childbirth. I will forever be inspired by my sister who I watched birth both of her sons naturally almost 10 years ago. Witnessing her births several years ago made me realize how simple childbirth could be and that there was nothing to be afraid of. Finally, I am so proud of myself and all of the women who take the time to really learn and educate themselves about birth and what their bodies are capable of.
To make individual, evidence based care more available to more women get POSH and PUSH for it!
*Support organizations like ICAN and CIMS who work to change hospital policies and influence the practices of OB's and MW's.
*Give your VBAC supportive obstetricians and midwives a lot of love!
*Respect the right of mothers to birth unassisted, especially in cases where desired maternity care is denied by legal restrictions, hospital policies based on insurance liability or the ignorance and inexperience of birth professionals.
*Share your story! Whether your cesearean birth truly saved a life (or two!) or if it was unnesecarily pushed on you, whether you have positive feelings or are dealing with regret, have succeeded or failed or both with a VBAC the honest stories from one mother help another.
*As generously as you share your own story, give respect to those who have had different experiences, different birth desires and make different choices. You never know ALL the details of someone else's life and even if you do... It's just plain RUDE to pass judgement and criticize.
Be inspired! Be positive, be practical and stay posh.
Obstetrical practice has traditionally operated under the rule of 'once a cesarean, always a cesarean' believing the risk of uterine rupture from the previous cesarean incision was too great in a vaginal birth. More recently, many doctors are coming around to rationally weighing the risks of uterine rupture against the overall risks of a repeat cesarean.
Uterine rupture is a serious complication that is rare, but can even happen without having a prior c-section.
All birth carries risk. Too often the VBAC scenario is presented in a way that implies a repeat cesarean removes danger from the situation and the woman wanting to birth vaginally is putting her own selfish desires above the health of her baby. Anyone who makes you feel this way or makes drastic predictions of the outcome of your child's birth is not giving you truthful information or encouraging informed decisions and is unfairly playing on your emotions. Don't stand for it, you are WAY too posh!
In reality there are very real dangers in elective surgical birth and it is the responsibility of parents and ultimately the birthing woman to educate themselves and be the respected decision makers, if serving a mother and child's best interests is truly the goal.
Thousands of mothers have sought out supportive birth attendants (or forgone attendants completely) and successfully given birth vaginally after a cesarean. Some have done it at home with a breech baby, others at home with twins, triplets have even been born vaginally after a cesarean. Data continues to be evaluated and current research shows encouraging rates of healthy outcomes for both mothers and infants.
So is a VBAC the right choice for you?
Birth is personal! For you, Posh Mama there is an answer that is unique to you and your baby depending on everything from your birth history, current health, the health of your baby, your beleifs and attitude about birth and the birthing options available to you locally.
My friend Jennifer did a super-posh job of connecting with her local ICAN chapter for VBAC education and support. In her hometown of Atlanta she found and retained the services of an excellent obstetrician with an excellent VBAC success rate, Dr. Joseph Tate.
Here is the story of Jennifer & her daughter Greer:
Backstory:
I just knew from the start of my pregnancy with my son that I would have an uncomplicated natural birth. I studied hypnobirthing and read tons of inspirational books by people such as Ina May Gaskin and Grantly Dick-Read. Not once did I pay any attention to the rate of c-sections or how to prevent them. I just assumed they didn't apply to me. I ended up being induced at 41 wks 5 days because my blood pressure had sky-rocketed. I had planned a water birth and labored in and out of the tub med-free until at 9cm, my midwife felt a foot and discovered that my son was breech. Without any discussion or consultation with me, she and the back-up OB decided that I would need a c/s. I recovered very quickly from the c/s primarily because like an ostrich with her head in the sand, I just decided to pretend like it hadn't happened. It stunk, it wasn't at all what I wanted, but I got over it. I did immediately decide that I would go for a VBAC with my next pregnancy.
Birth Story of Taylor Greer
I spent my entire pregnancy absolutely convinced that 1) there was no way labor would start until well after my EDD since I was induced with my son at almost 42 wks and 2) worried that I wouldn’t recognize when labor was beginning. Turns out I was wrong on both counts.
The morning of Thursday, April 14th (my EDD was 4/18) I went to breakfast with my a friend. Throughout breakfast I felt super crampy and kept blaming it on the fact that I had been stupid enough to wear skinny maternity jeans at 39 ½ weeks pregnant.
Throughout the day the cramps became irregular contractions which slowly became more regular. By that afternoon, they were no more than 10 – 15 min. apart and very mild, but still regular enough that I checked in with my doula, Kelly, and my husband, Greg throughout the day joking that I thought we might actually have a baby by the weekend. I even told my son Walker when I picked him up from school that day that I thought he might be meeting his baby sister very soon. That afternoon, Walker and I went on a walk with the same friend from breakfast and throughout the walk I had to stop several times as I suddenly got random inner thigh nerve pains/spasms and contractions. That night, after Walker had been put to bed and Greg and I sat down to dinner, I realized that the contractions were more regular and coming closer together, often every 5-6 min, however they were not very intense and I was able to laugh and talk through them. Nevertheless, I checked in with Kelly and she advised me to go to bed early just in case the prodromal labor became active labor. Fat chance as I never go to bed early and it was already 9pm and I was just sitting down to dinner. I called my parents and told them that they should head to bed early just in case they had to make the drive to Atlanta from Tallahassee, FL in the middle of the night. Unfortunately, by the time I got into bed after 10pm, I was too keyed up and the contractions were becoming more intense and I was unable to fall asleep. I woke Greg up around 2am to let him know that the contractions were coming regularly about 6 – 8 min. apart and were definitely more intense. I could no longer talk through them and had been practicing my deep breathing through each contraction since I had gotten in bed. Greg called Kelly and she told him that it sounded like I was in early labor and that we should go back to sleep (not a chance for me) and call her in a couple of hours. He then called my parents and asked them to start the drive from Tallahassee. At a little after 4am, I woke Greg up to let him know they were now an average of 4 min. apart (ranging from 3 – 5) and were getting even more intense. We called Kelly and she said that she would head over as soon as she could unless we wanted to meet her at the hospital. The plan had always been to labor at home as long as possible so I decided that I would rather have Kelly come to the house and do a cervical check (she is a former L&D RN) and then make a decision based on the results of that. Greg called Dr. Tate’s office to let him know that I was in labor and they advised us to head to the hospital.
When Kelly showed up to our house around 5am, she did a cervical check and determined that I was 4 cm and about 80% effaced. We decided that we would stay put so I could labor in the comfort of our home. Greg called Tate’s office back to let them know that we were staying put for a while. I think he fibbed and said that the contractions had slowed as Tia was telling him that we really should head to the hospital. We went upstairs and I got in our bed in a slanted seated position with my legs in a wide butterfly propped up by a bunch of pillows. I found the position to work wonderfully for breathing through the contractions and stayed put for several hours. I really didn’t have an urge to walk around and found that while I really enjoyed the birth ball in between contractions, I did not like sitting on it during one. For some reason I never got in my tub. Not sure why, since I loved laboring in the water with my son, other than I think I was just so comfortable in bed. The contractions were becoming more intense and longer, but stayed around 4 -5 min. apart. Kelly and Greg did their best to keep me hydrated and nourished, but the thought of food generally made me nauseous. My parents showed up at about 7:30am and Kelly checked me again to determine whether we should head to the hospital. She found me to be about 6 cm and 80% effaced which we took as a good sign as I was opening about 1 cm/ per hour. Still, based on the time of day and traffic, we decided to labor at home for a bit longer. When Walker woke up shortly after, Greg got him dressed and when he asked him if he knew what today was, Walker answered “baby sister coming”! Crazy. Kids are pretty intuitive. Greg brought him into our bedroom and he spent some wonderfully sweet time snuggling with me. He kept saying “that’s my mommy” over and over.
At around 9:30am with the contractions staying the same time apart but becoming still stronger and longer, I decided that I was ready to go to the hospital. We said good bye to my parents and Walker, who got really upset that we were leaving. When we got into our garage, I suddenly got really uncomfortable. I begged Kelly and Greg to wait for me to do some yoga stretches and I got down on our dirty garage floor and did some cat/cow and child’s poses. Once in the car, I threw a yummy smelling eye pillow on and did my best to continue my deep breathing and keep myself focused.
We got to the hospital and I got quite a few stares as we made our way to labor and delivery with me very obviously in labor. I worked through several strong contractions while waiting at registration (and wondering why I had bothered pre-registering if this was taking so long) and suddenly got emotional and starting crying. I think I was tired from not sleeping all night and excited and nervous that this was finally happening. Once we were led to triage at around 10:30am, a nurse strapped a monitor to me and checked me. She determined that I was 5 ½ cm and 80% effaced (slightly less than Kelly had determined when she last checked). I was a bit discouraged that I had gone since 7:30 with no visible progress.
After about 20 min, we were moved into our labor and delivery room and I resumed the same position that I had found so comforting at home. Meanwhile the contractions became stronger and stronger and were often lasting as long as 2 – 3 minutes. I labored in that position for a couple of hours and then Kelly encouraged me to get up and try some new positions as I was becoming increasingly uncomfortable. I tried the birth ball and again found it really uncomfortable to ride out a contraction on. I did sway my hips quite a bit and then lean into Kelly or Greg during contractions and that worked for a while. I then decided to get on the floor and try some stretching – cat/cow, etc. That is when Dr. Tate walked in a little after 2 pm. He had me get in bed and checked me and found that again I was still 6 cm, but now about 90% effaced. He did find that the cervix was very soft and able to be manipulated and he did his best to manually open me. Extremely discouraged at the lack of progress and exhausted after the night without sleep and 12 hours of pretty hard labor, I really began to doubt my ability to do this without any medication. I found myself losing focus during contractions a bit, no longer riding out that peaks but tensing a bit and even found my mind wandering to the thought of a PCB or epidural. I mentioned to Kelly and Greg a few times that I didn’t know how much longer I could do this and they kept encouraging me by telling me that I was doing great. At some point Tate came back and checked me and determined I was at 8 cm completely effaced.
Kelly left us to get some lunch and when she came back an hour or so later I told her that I wanted the PCB. While she was gone, my contractions had stayed no more than 4-5 min. apart but were now consistently 2-3 min. long with multiple peaks. Kelly asked the nurse to call Tate and tell him I wanted a PCB. He came in a while later and at that point I felt like I was at the end of my rope. God bless Tate though, he walked up to me and propped his arms up on the squat bar that we had put up at some point earlier and I was leaning into and looked at me and said he had two options. He said that he knew my plans were to go natural so he could either 1) check and see if there was enough of a cervical lip left to give me the PCB and assuming there was give it to me and see if I dilated the last 2 cm quickly or 2) he could break my water (which had been bulging since Kelly had first checked me at 5am) and that I would probably be pushing in 15 – 20 min. A surge of energy hit me (I could do 15 – 20 more minutes!) and I told Tate that I would kiss him if that was true.
I got on my back and he broke my water. He left the room and in just about 15 min. I announced to the room that I thought I was ready to push. Kelly and the nurse told me to go ahead and try a couple of pushes to see if I could bring her down. I leaned forward against the squat bar and thought to myself if pooping means you are pushing right, then go ahead and try to poop. Ha! Ha! My poor husband, I pushed a few times with contractions and pooped right along with each one. Surprisingly I wasn’t the least bit mortified, I was thrilled. I knew I was pushing effectively!
All of a sudden several people came into the room and set all sorts of things up and then Tate came in and announced that it was great that I had pooped. The back of the bed was pretty much completely upright and broken down for the squat bar. He said he thought we should get rid of the squat bar and despite the fact that I had told him when we discussed my birth preferences that I wanted to choose my pushing position, I agreed. At this point I just wanted to push my baby out fast and I figured he had all the experience and should know what he was talking about. He had me pull my knees up to my chest, but I continued sitting pretty much straight up. At that point, I completely blocked everything out. I was having contractions one after the other with only maybe 1 min of a break in between and I had already figured out how to push, so I went with it. With each contraction I took a quick breath in and then pushed as hard as I could. Amazingly everyone was pretty much quiet (I had told Tate that I didn’t want anyone counting for me or telling me to push unless I clearly needed it). The only thing I heard Tate keep saying was “bring it around the corner”, which I didn’t really understand, and tell me to continue pushing into his fingers. After a few pushes I head everyone exclaim that the head was there and I reached down and patted my baby girl’s head. My only thoughts were – that is really squishy, and man my vagina has to stretch a LOT to get that head out. A few more pushes later and her head was out and then a quick push and I felt an enormous relief of pressure as Taylor Greer was born at 4:48 pm after only 13 minutes of pushing! I was exhilarated and was shaking and kept saying “oh my God” and “sweet baby girl” over and over as she was placed immediately on my chest after Tate yelled out “I need to see boobs”. I couldn’t believe she was here and that I had done it! Never have I felt so amazing and empowered in all of my life. Dr. Tate waited the few minutes we had asked for and then had Greg cut the cord. A few minutes later, I birthed the placenta and lay down exhausted. Greer latched on and began nursing almost immediately as Tate and an intern began stitching up my 2nd degree tear which was almost more painful than anything else.
I am so thankful to Dr. Tate for believing in women and believing in our bodies’ ability to give birth the way nature intended. I will forever remember his care and respect for my preferences and final encouragement to get me to pushing. I am grateful and thankful for the support of my husband Greg and my doula Kelly, who not only was incredible throughout my labor, but helped me begin my study of childbirth through hypnobirthing, and who helped distill the fear associated with childbirth. I will forever be inspired by my sister who I watched birth both of her sons naturally almost 10 years ago. Witnessing her births several years ago made me realize how simple childbirth could be and that there was nothing to be afraid of. Finally, I am so proud of myself and all of the women who take the time to really learn and educate themselves about birth and what their bodies are capable of.
To make individual, evidence based care more available to more women get POSH and PUSH for it!
*Support organizations like ICAN and CIMS who work to change hospital policies and influence the practices of OB's and MW's.
*Give your VBAC supportive obstetricians and midwives a lot of love!
*Respect the right of mothers to birth unassisted, especially in cases where desired maternity care is denied by legal restrictions, hospital policies based on insurance liability or the ignorance and inexperience of birth professionals.
*Share your story! Whether your cesearean birth truly saved a life (or two!) or if it was unnesecarily pushed on you, whether you have positive feelings or are dealing with regret, have succeeded or failed or both with a VBAC the honest stories from one mother help another.
*As generously as you share your own story, give respect to those who have had different experiences, different birth desires and make different choices. You never know ALL the details of someone else's life and even if you do... It's just plain RUDE to pass judgement and criticize.
Be inspired! Be positive, be practical and stay posh.
Friday, June 10, 2011
What Every Parent Wants To Know
Why baby WHY? Why do you cry??? Are you hungry? Are you sleepy? Does your tummy hurt? Is it a big stuck burp? Does it hurt when you poop? Are you hot, cold, uncomfy in this hold? I'm new to this and am pretty uncomfortable, sore and sleepy myself.
Your tender cries wrench my tired heart, isn't there some easy way to figure you out??
Yes, actually there is. I will be forever grateful to my super posh friend who gifted me her Pricilla Dunstan DVD. Australian mother Dunstan has an ear fine-tuned for music and as it turns out, a baby's cry too. Noticing the differences in her son's cries and how her responses settled him led her to wonder if other babies spoke her son's same cry language. Turns out they did, and as she moved beyond her Australian home she found babies all over the world cried the same cries, no matter their mother's native tongue.
For the first 3 months at least as babies are smartypants fast little learners and after that they begin to mimic sounds and their cries do become influenced by the spoken language they hear.
But until then, in those early weeks of adjusting to life outside the womb it's all led by pure instinct in the fight for survival.
A hungry baby will root for it's mother's breast, involuntarily touching it's tongue to the roof of it's mouth resulting in a 'n' sound to it's cry. If your newborn's cry sounds like 'Neh neeehhhhh nnnnneeeehhhh!!!!' then you can be confident in feeding your baby. This is most definitely the cry I've heard the most. Babies want to nurse, it's what they do!
When a baby is 'windy' as Aussie mums say, you can determine whether the 'wind' or stuck air bubbles (that would be a 'burp' or a 'fart' for us Americans) are in their upper intestines or lower intestines based on the sound of their cry. Gas in their upper body that is best relived by burping sounds like an 'Eh' 'Eeehhhhhhh eeeh eheeeh eeeehhhhh!!!!' So hold them upright with their chest against yours or over your shoulder or on your knee with their head supported and pat pat pat pat with a rhythmic upward motion until they give you that satisfying belch.
But if your baby is crying with more of a groaning moan, an 'eearrrrhhhhhgggh. Earrghh! Earrrghhhh!!!!!' Then you can figure it's a poop in works that could use a little parental help. A downward gentle rub on their backs, or an even gentler downward rub on their tummies is helpful, as is a gentle squeeze upward with their tiny knees. Be SO careful with their tiny bodies and small organs! Even the most minor outward pressure is major for them. Even if you are not sure you are helping, I promise that your loving touch and empathetic words are comforting....even though they might still be screaming in your face. You're doing great, you're totally posh! I promise!
If your baby cries with an 'ow' sound with their little lips forming a round shape, you can figure they are sleepy. A warm tight swaddle up and a guide to your breasts with a sweet song and lullaby rocking will help them find the sleep they need.
And if you notice a bit of an 'h' sound to the top of your baby's cry, a 'heeehhh' Hhhheeeehhh!!!' Check first for a dirty diaper, heat, cold, constriction on a body part or anything else that could cause discomfort as that's what that cry usually means. Usually their discomfort is wanting a nipple in their mouth. It's what babies do!
*Neh - hungry
*Owh - tired
*Eh - upper wind
*Eairh - lower wind
*Heh - discomfort
And those five 'words' are the basics of what Pricillia Dunstan has dubbed 'Baby Language'. Posh right?
Order her DVD for a fabulous explanation from Pricillia herself, and wonderful examples of real-life babies crying these cries. While watching I recognized these sounds instantly in my own Texas babies, it was so exciting and comforting to find meaning in those sounds that had been such a source of stress.
Dunstan or not, LISTEN to your newborn baby. Their only means of communication is their cry and it is EXACTLY as serious as it sounds.
Every child is different, some cry a lot and some hardly at all. Supposedly African babies don't cry at all. No matter how much I wore my babies tied to my body with organic cotton fabric or how much unlimited access to my breasts I gave them they still cried, and cried A LOT. Maybe because my last two were twins and crying in stereo is just that much more stressful so it may have seemed worse that it was...... but it was pretty bad.
Yes, my vagina is awesome and can do many amazing things but no honey, we cannot put the babies back inside. These tiny humans making their existence known are here to change the world and they are starting with ours. Find the poshness in it....I promise it's there.
What do those early weeks and months of figuring out your baby teach you? SO much! SO much about your amazing baby, so much about what you're capable of, so much about compassion. So much about extending yourself for others. Sleep deprivation is not for pussies, that is for certain. But no matter how hungry, how tired, how depleted and desperate you may feel you ARE STILL STRONGER THAN YOUR BABY. You are. You are so POSH!
Posh enough to not let your baby cry alone. My twins had 'witching hours' starting at 6pm just a few days after birth. For months they cried for hours every night with extreme 'eh' and 'earh' sounds finally letting out either a big satisfying burp or a mind-blowing diaper-exploding crap. It seemed clear that their problem was tummy trouble, working out the process of digestion causing them pain is what made them cry cry cry and tell us all about it. By listening to your baby's cry and responding to them compassionately you will learn to understand them and give them the care they need. Do NOT be misguided by outdated advice telling you an infant crying alone fosters independence or is in some way healthy for them!
Every human life no matter how big and no matter how small is still a person, after all.
I think credit for that quote goes to Dr. Suess. I don't know, I'm tired. And I hear a baby crying.
Your tender cries wrench my tired heart, isn't there some easy way to figure you out??
Yes, actually there is. I will be forever grateful to my super posh friend who gifted me her Pricilla Dunstan DVD. Australian mother Dunstan has an ear fine-tuned for music and as it turns out, a baby's cry too. Noticing the differences in her son's cries and how her responses settled him led her to wonder if other babies spoke her son's same cry language. Turns out they did, and as she moved beyond her Australian home she found babies all over the world cried the same cries, no matter their mother's native tongue.
For the first 3 months at least as babies are smartypants fast little learners and after that they begin to mimic sounds and their cries do become influenced by the spoken language they hear.
But until then, in those early weeks of adjusting to life outside the womb it's all led by pure instinct in the fight for survival.
A hungry baby will root for it's mother's breast, involuntarily touching it's tongue to the roof of it's mouth resulting in a 'n' sound to it's cry. If your newborn's cry sounds like 'Neh neeehhhhh nnnnneeeehhhh!!!!' then you can be confident in feeding your baby. This is most definitely the cry I've heard the most. Babies want to nurse, it's what they do!
When a baby is 'windy' as Aussie mums say, you can determine whether the 'wind' or stuck air bubbles (that would be a 'burp' or a 'fart' for us Americans) are in their upper intestines or lower intestines based on the sound of their cry. Gas in their upper body that is best relived by burping sounds like an 'Eh' 'Eeehhhhhhh eeeh eheeeh eeeehhhhh!!!!' So hold them upright with their chest against yours or over your shoulder or on your knee with their head supported and pat pat pat pat with a rhythmic upward motion until they give you that satisfying belch.
But if your baby is crying with more of a groaning moan, an 'eearrrrhhhhhgggh. Earrghh! Earrrghhhh!!!!!' Then you can figure it's a poop in works that could use a little parental help. A downward gentle rub on their backs, or an even gentler downward rub on their tummies is helpful, as is a gentle squeeze upward with their tiny knees. Be SO careful with their tiny bodies and small organs! Even the most minor outward pressure is major for them. Even if you are not sure you are helping, I promise that your loving touch and empathetic words are comforting....even though they might still be screaming in your face. You're doing great, you're totally posh! I promise!
If your baby cries with an 'ow' sound with their little lips forming a round shape, you can figure they are sleepy. A warm tight swaddle up and a guide to your breasts with a sweet song and lullaby rocking will help them find the sleep they need.
And if you notice a bit of an 'h' sound to the top of your baby's cry, a 'heeehhh' Hhhheeeehhh!!!' Check first for a dirty diaper, heat, cold, constriction on a body part or anything else that could cause discomfort as that's what that cry usually means. Usually their discomfort is wanting a nipple in their mouth. It's what babies do!
*Neh - hungry
*Owh - tired
*Eh - upper wind
*Eairh - lower wind
*Heh - discomfort
And those five 'words' are the basics of what Pricillia Dunstan has dubbed 'Baby Language'. Posh right?
Order her DVD for a fabulous explanation from Pricillia herself, and wonderful examples of real-life babies crying these cries. While watching I recognized these sounds instantly in my own Texas babies, it was so exciting and comforting to find meaning in those sounds that had been such a source of stress.
Dunstan or not, LISTEN to your newborn baby. Their only means of communication is their cry and it is EXACTLY as serious as it sounds.
Every child is different, some cry a lot and some hardly at all. Supposedly African babies don't cry at all. No matter how much I wore my babies tied to my body with organic cotton fabric or how much unlimited access to my breasts I gave them they still cried, and cried A LOT. Maybe because my last two were twins and crying in stereo is just that much more stressful so it may have seemed worse that it was...... but it was pretty bad.
Yes, my vagina is awesome and can do many amazing things but no honey, we cannot put the babies back inside. These tiny humans making their existence known are here to change the world and they are starting with ours. Find the poshness in it....I promise it's there.
What do those early weeks and months of figuring out your baby teach you? SO much! SO much about your amazing baby, so much about what you're capable of, so much about compassion. So much about extending yourself for others. Sleep deprivation is not for pussies, that is for certain. But no matter how hungry, how tired, how depleted and desperate you may feel you ARE STILL STRONGER THAN YOUR BABY. You are. You are so POSH!
Posh enough to not let your baby cry alone. My twins had 'witching hours' starting at 6pm just a few days after birth. For months they cried for hours every night with extreme 'eh' and 'earh' sounds finally letting out either a big satisfying burp or a mind-blowing diaper-exploding crap. It seemed clear that their problem was tummy trouble, working out the process of digestion causing them pain is what made them cry cry cry and tell us all about it. By listening to your baby's cry and responding to them compassionately you will learn to understand them and give them the care they need. Do NOT be misguided by outdated advice telling you an infant crying alone fosters independence or is in some way healthy for them!
Every human life no matter how big and no matter how small is still a person, after all.
I think credit for that quote goes to Dr. Suess. I don't know, I'm tired. And I hear a baby crying.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
The Posh Thing About Pushing
Is that you don't even have to. You have a uterus just dying to push for you, and if you just shhhhhhhush. Shhhuuushhh your busy worried over-thinking brain. Be calm and allow your mind to work with the incredible uterine pressure it will push your baby all the way to their first breath, while you slowly exhale your own.
"The birth process need not be a pushing affair. It can be a gentle unfolding in harmony with the natural rhythms of life." ~ Nancy Tatje-Broussard
We are not suddenly abandoned at the end of our pregnancy. There is literally a birth "response" that propels our babies from womb to world with very little conscious effort on our part. The problem is, there is something even more powerful than the birth response, something that can override it entirely. That something is known as the fight/flight response. ~ Laura Shanley
What would your body do if your mind wasn't even there, if it totally checked out?
IT COULD ALLOW YOUR UTERUS TO PUSH YOUR BABY OUT PAINLESSLY. ummm.....POSH.
Comatose pregnant women have spontaneously give birth to healthy live infants! Epileptic pregnant women have woken to find they have given birth! Some women even report birth to be pleasurable to the point of orgasm!
No need to try to be some warrior woman proving her power, or suffer in self-hate to follow Biblical command.
Just be soft, gentle, calm and allow your body to work. You may or may not have an orgasm but you will find yourself in a pretty great state of mind for successfully caring for a newborn. Nice coincidence!
What one woman can do, why can't another?
I really had to hold back laughter when I was told 'Birthing a breech baby vaginally without manual extraction by an obstetrician is impossible, at least...it's never been done in Austin.' LOL I mean, seriously??? Not only has it been done in Austin by mothers before me, it has been done in Utah, Australia, Georgia and the United Kingdom. All over the world. Yes only 3-4% of full-term babies are in a breech position at full term so while it's not common, it's still normal. And since plenty bottom-first babies have been born live and healthy throughout human history (was there even life before Google???) it's more than possible, it's probable.
There's a LOT that's possible and probable in birth, with a strong uterus in your corner you're most likely set for success! Here's how to aid your uterus' strength and give your body support:
*The basics, the obvious of being healthy. Eat most of what grows organically in the ground, less of what's synthetically derived and injected into slaughtered creatures and genetically altered plants. Move your body, sweat, take in sunshine and fresh air and get good sleep.
*Drink Red Raspberry Leaf Tea before conception, through pregnancy, especially during the weeks leading to birth, in labor and through postpartum. And during that menstruating time of the month . Just keep RRL permanently on your favorite Herb Bar shopping list.
*Take the herbal blend 5W five weeks prior to your estimated due date. I'm no herbalist, midwife or doctor but I have a group of posh girlfriends who have taken 5W after having it approved by their midwives and OB's and gone on to have productive, quick, successful and manageable labors(some with epidurals) and feel the 5W played a role. I agree and would not have a baby without it! Ask your birth attendant about it and own thinking before taking it yourself.
*Learn about your body, the role your uterus plays in the birth process and how the rest of yourself works naturally with it. The release of hormones, dilation of the cervix, and most importantly your willing heart and mind.
*Use your imagination to influence reality. In pregnancy, imagine your body opening effortlessly and with ease to make the perfect path for your baby. Call on that visual again in birth. We take it for granted that men's bodies can drastically change size and shape with desire, ours does the same.
*When those waves of increasing intensity start to roll over you and you realize you're baby's about to be born, roll with it. Just let it be there. Let yourself be overwhelmed and amazed at the strength within, and react softly to it.
"The contractions cannot be stronger than me....because it IS me." -SageKelli from the Unassisted Birth Forums.
*Listen to your birth attendants when they say things like 'Breathe your baby down, down down down.' And conversely, if they are telling you to push and you don't feel it, tune them out and turn up the volume on the voice in your head. Every mother and every birth is different but usually it's only in those last few moments when a mother feels an urge to apply her own efforts to bear down and her baby is born. The only person who should tell you to push, is you.
*Realize there is another person on your team, a very tiny one with a heart, body and mind all their own but shares your same goal. Your body wants to birth and your baby wants to be born! They are not unconscious passengers and if they are unmedicated, unforced and unhindered they will be able to most effectively do their job of rotating down and out.
Love and learn your body! Birth doesn't have to hurt!
"The birth process need not be a pushing affair. It can be a gentle unfolding in harmony with the natural rhythms of life." ~ Nancy Tatje-Broussard
We are not suddenly abandoned at the end of our pregnancy. There is literally a birth "response" that propels our babies from womb to world with very little conscious effort on our part. The problem is, there is something even more powerful than the birth response, something that can override it entirely. That something is known as the fight/flight response. ~ Laura Shanley
What would your body do if your mind wasn't even there, if it totally checked out?
IT COULD ALLOW YOUR UTERUS TO PUSH YOUR BABY OUT PAINLESSLY. ummm.....POSH.
Comatose pregnant women have spontaneously give birth to healthy live infants! Epileptic pregnant women have woken to find they have given birth! Some women even report birth to be pleasurable to the point of orgasm!
No need to try to be some warrior woman proving her power, or suffer in self-hate to follow Biblical command.
Just be soft, gentle, calm and allow your body to work. You may or may not have an orgasm but you will find yourself in a pretty great state of mind for successfully caring for a newborn. Nice coincidence!
What one woman can do, why can't another?
I really had to hold back laughter when I was told 'Birthing a breech baby vaginally without manual extraction by an obstetrician is impossible, at least...it's never been done in Austin.' LOL I mean, seriously??? Not only has it been done in Austin by mothers before me, it has been done in Utah, Australia, Georgia and the United Kingdom. All over the world. Yes only 3-4% of full-term babies are in a breech position at full term so while it's not common, it's still normal. And since plenty bottom-first babies have been born live and healthy throughout human history (was there even life before Google???) it's more than possible, it's probable.
There's a LOT that's possible and probable in birth, with a strong uterus in your corner you're most likely set for success! Here's how to aid your uterus' strength and give your body support:
*The basics, the obvious of being healthy. Eat most of what grows organically in the ground, less of what's synthetically derived and injected into slaughtered creatures and genetically altered plants. Move your body, sweat, take in sunshine and fresh air and get good sleep.
*Drink Red Raspberry Leaf Tea before conception, through pregnancy, especially during the weeks leading to birth, in labor and through postpartum. And during that menstruating time of the month . Just keep RRL permanently on your favorite Herb Bar shopping list.
*Take the herbal blend 5W five weeks prior to your estimated due date. I'm no herbalist, midwife or doctor but I have a group of posh girlfriends who have taken 5W after having it approved by their midwives and OB's and gone on to have productive, quick, successful and manageable labors(some with epidurals) and feel the 5W played a role. I agree and would not have a baby without it! Ask your birth attendant about it and own thinking before taking it yourself.
*Learn about your body, the role your uterus plays in the birth process and how the rest of yourself works naturally with it. The release of hormones, dilation of the cervix, and most importantly your willing heart and mind.
*Use your imagination to influence reality. In pregnancy, imagine your body opening effortlessly and with ease to make the perfect path for your baby. Call on that visual again in birth. We take it for granted that men's bodies can drastically change size and shape with desire, ours does the same.
*When those waves of increasing intensity start to roll over you and you realize you're baby's about to be born, roll with it. Just let it be there. Let yourself be overwhelmed and amazed at the strength within, and react softly to it.
"The contractions cannot be stronger than me....because it IS me." -SageKelli from the Unassisted Birth Forums.
*Listen to your birth attendants when they say things like 'Breathe your baby down, down down down.' And conversely, if they are telling you to push and you don't feel it, tune them out and turn up the volume on the voice in your head. Every mother and every birth is different but usually it's only in those last few moments when a mother feels an urge to apply her own efforts to bear down and her baby is born. The only person who should tell you to push, is you.
*Realize there is another person on your team, a very tiny one with a heart, body and mind all their own but shares your same goal. Your body wants to birth and your baby wants to be born! They are not unconscious passengers and if they are unmedicated, unforced and unhindered they will be able to most effectively do their job of rotating down and out.
Love and learn your body! Birth doesn't have to hurt!
Sunday, June 5, 2011
the evolution of the father
From there
to here!
Lookin' pretty posh guys, keep it up! For the man who loves his woman and lives for his legacy the practicality of showing it comes pretty naturally, here's a list of love in action I've seen from some fantastic fathers:
*Playing as important a part in the culmination as the conception, rocking your worlds again! Really, welcoming your baby should be connected, not clinical. You should for sure not be stuck in another room while another man calls the shots. Birthing a baby should look an awful lot like making the baby did, with your arms around her.
*Reading as many (or more!) birth & baby books as she does. You've been bombarded with just as much fear-based misinformation as she has about childbirth, time to unlearn and do your own thinking too.
*Respecting the challenging physical work of pregnancy and helping her get extra rest and extra good food & drinks, treating her to your kindest attention and compassion.
*Knowing that your new child likes being snuggled on your chest just as much as hers and that it makes you a badass dad to sport your baby on your back.
*Taking her health and your baby's health seriously and being their strongest advocate for gentle, evidence based care.
*Taking a stand, to stand by her in the face of pressure.
*Giving her extra care and consideration in the early weeks and months, realizing you are the single most powerful influence on her emotional well-being and her success in breastfeeding your child. It's a given that she won't be having any girls nights out, weekends at the spa or chasing her marathon dreams for a while. Scale back on 'you' time as well and save the fishing trips, guys' nights and dirtbike races for a little later. You have the rest of your life, don't miss these moments! Or piss her off.
*Showing generosity and appreciation with a push present. Or two.
*Being proud enough of diapering skills to post tutorials on YouTube, helping other dudes figure it out!
*Knowing that raising children is not women's work, but parent's work. Living and loving the facts of life!
Becoming parents is major, in the best and most likely case it's thrilling and beautiful but it can also be nerve-wracking and difficult. In rare cases birth can involve tragedy and there is no better time for a strong man to show what he's made of. No matter what happens if you and she are committed to caring for each other you will deal with whatever comes your way, and become a stronger and more solid team.
There is NOTHING in this world like a loving father! I know you Posh Mama's have some wonderful men in your life who have blown you away with their commitment to love and family. Let's hear about it and lengthen my list!
to here!
Lookin' pretty posh guys, keep it up! For the man who loves his woman and lives for his legacy the practicality of showing it comes pretty naturally, here's a list of love in action I've seen from some fantastic fathers:
*Playing as important a part in the culmination as the conception, rocking your worlds again! Really, welcoming your baby should be connected, not clinical. You should for sure not be stuck in another room while another man calls the shots. Birthing a baby should look an awful lot like making the baby did, with your arms around her.
*Reading as many (or more!) birth & baby books as she does. You've been bombarded with just as much fear-based misinformation as she has about childbirth, time to unlearn and do your own thinking too.
*Respecting the challenging physical work of pregnancy and helping her get extra rest and extra good food & drinks, treating her to your kindest attention and compassion.
*Knowing that your new child likes being snuggled on your chest just as much as hers and that it makes you a badass dad to sport your baby on your back.
*Taking her health and your baby's health seriously and being their strongest advocate for gentle, evidence based care.
*Taking a stand, to stand by her in the face of pressure.
*Giving her extra care and consideration in the early weeks and months, realizing you are the single most powerful influence on her emotional well-being and her success in breastfeeding your child. It's a given that she won't be having any girls nights out, weekends at the spa or chasing her marathon dreams for a while. Scale back on 'you' time as well and save the fishing trips, guys' nights and dirtbike races for a little later. You have the rest of your life, don't miss these moments! Or piss her off.
*Showing generosity and appreciation with a push present. Or two.
*Being proud enough of diapering skills to post tutorials on YouTube, helping other dudes figure it out!
*Knowing that raising children is not women's work, but parent's work. Living and loving the facts of life!
Becoming parents is major, in the best and most likely case it's thrilling and beautiful but it can also be nerve-wracking and difficult. In rare cases birth can involve tragedy and there is no better time for a strong man to show what he's made of. No matter what happens if you and she are committed to caring for each other you will deal with whatever comes your way, and become a stronger and more solid team.
There is NOTHING in this world like a loving father! I know you Posh Mama's have some wonderful men in your life who have blown you away with their commitment to love and family. Let's hear about it and lengthen my list!
an afterbirth herbal bath blend
tops my 'Super Posh Post-Partum List' of things for comfort, healing and care in those early weeks.
This blend of Comfrey leaf, Lavender flower, Shepherd's Purse, Uva Ursi leaf, Plaintain leaf, Red Raspberry leaf, Yarrow flower & Sea salt is fabulous! A warm soak in these herbs is healing for both mother and baby by easing sore muscles and tender tissue and does the impossible by making your sweet baby smell even sweeter. Bathe as desired, use as directed. Herbs can be used twice, so save the strained herbs in your pot to use again the next day.
I also love to have...
*Arnica Montana in a topical oil and pill form for bruises and sore muscles.
*Lactation Support - Mother's Milk Tea and a supplement of Mega Mam if nursing more than one baby or facing other milk production challenges. Dandelion is another helpful herb, delicious in the form of coffee-alternative Dandy Blend. A good lactation consultant to call is gold, if you're in Austin ask for Cheryl at Special Addition.
*A bellywrap - cannot stress how important and healthy it is for you wrap up! Give your uterus a little support, she's just had the workout of her life and continues contracting for the next two weeks on her journey back to normal size.
*Gentle oils like Mothers Special Blend are as good for your recovering skin as your baby's brand-new wrinkles and a great after-bath massage for both of you.
*Goldenseal Root capsules to care for your baby's cord. Sprinkle about 1/3 of a capsule on the cord about twice a day for quick healing.
*Lightweight swaddling blankets by Aden + Anais are favorites of mine!
*Placenta pills for hormonal support, increased energy and a boost to your milk supply. Austin's local Placenta Benefits specialist is Lindsey Roberts, she's fab!
*A ring sling to carry your baby close.
*For daytime sleeping, a dreamy eye pillow.
Items that feel not so posh but are knitty gritty necessary include granny panties and a variety of pads with different levels of protection, all with wings! One for very heavy flow, one for a medium flow and a pack of lightdays. With wings!
Tucks –hey, hemorrhoids can happen. Dermaplast First Aid spray can also be a great pain reliever and Hydrogen Peroxide is good for cord care, treating open wounds and infection.
That most important thing your baby needs is YOU. You and your breasts. To give your baby the best of you be prepared to take care of yourself, being sure you have help with the rest of your life so you can rest with your baby. Wrap up, stay horizontal as much as possible and stay fed and well hydrated and just keep your baby with you, with constant access to your breasts.
As far as baby care you'll find one of the most annoying and frustrating things about being new parents is all the conflicting advice you receive. There are many ways to care for a baby, you will find your own. Take all advice (including mine!) with a big grain of salt and have confidence in your instincts!
Tell me Posh Mama's what made a difference for you when you welcomed your baby!
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