to little gentlemen is my primary task in daily life with 17 month old twin sons. How best do to it?
I grew up with spankings for discipline, I don't know what my parents remember or think of those days but in my own memories I know I felt like I deserved what was given. I remember being spoken to in serious, low tones and looked right in the eyes with explanation of why what I did was wrong. The resulting consequence was detailed next, followed by a calm count of '1 2 3' with the consequential spank followed by big hugs and words of love. Spanks were usually by hand but sometimes with a wooden spoon, most memorably the time my Dad surprisingly whacked the spoon across the bottom of his own shoe, going through the motion but wanting to spare me on my birthday. Love you forever Daddy!
I never realized how abusive spanking could be until I was fully grown and had conversations with friends who commiserated that they were also spanked, but their stories were of parental anger provoked by simple things like a missing pair of scissors and countless strikes not limited to a clothed bottom. Stories of shoes thrown viciously at small heads in drunken anger, smacks across the face accompanied by cruel words, and far worse. WOW, I had never felt afraid of my parents. What my friends knew as spanking was NOT what 'spanking as discipline' had been for me.
In defense of the way I was parented and lovingly disciplined I felt there was a 'right' way to spank, and naturally did the same thing when I became a parent myself. Around 2 years of age my daughter gave me a wild eyed look and ran as fast as she could into a busy street, laughing at me as I screamed at her to 'STOP'!! She was quickly captured, the danger and wrongdoing of her actions explained, a count of '1 2 3'....and you know the rest. Same thing when she gave me that daredevil grin and proudly unbuckled her seatbelt while we were hauling down the interstate, after pulling over three times in a row as she giggly continued her game I finally gave her the consequence I thought would help her tiny mind to get it. Guess what she has NEVER run into the street since and has been stringent in observing our rule of waiting to unbuckle until the driver does. So did discipline by spanking 'work'? I suppose so. But spanking had only been one tool used only on occasion and primarily for safety issues, simply talking to her and most importantly guiding her in advance toward positive behavior were the most stellar stars in my toolbox. Especially after watching the phenomenon of my little girl at three effectively put herself in time-out by voluntarily choosing to go into her 'mad house' when she became frustrated and angry I started to seek out the wisdom of a few super posh friends who never spanked their kids and began to wonder if some of the other, more gentle means I employed wouldn't have worked just as well for those times I felt a swift swat had been necessary.
Her little brother came along, and no matter what he did a spanking in response never felt right. I purposed to tap into these children, to respect their journey of learning and decided that physical force no matter how graciously metered out and lovingly given did not have a place in our relationship. Being surprised with twin boys next, I was so grateful for my new conviction as I could not imagine having a physical relationship involving anything but hugs and kisses with so many boys who promise to soon be big strong men.
Oh but darn....they have a few physically violent ideas of their own. Like little angry animals soon after they turned a year they started going after each other tooth and fist first in the quest to stake territory over treats, toys and yep even my breasts. Yikes! What to do?? I had learned quickly with my daughter that hitting a child in attempt teach them not to hit felt.....insane. I mean seriously.
So it's been all about how it feels to be hurt. Not posh for anyone right? Certainly not for me, and those rolling tears I see my tiny men cry when they are victims of each other say they don't enjoy it either. Talking to them like they are people (what a concept!) and knowing teaching will take time is starting to pay off. Today one little son got mad, going after my face with slapping hands and his twin came running to my rescue saying 'no no no' with a waving finger and got his brothers attention. The angry one stopped and suddenly they both started saying 'gentle' while softly patting my cheeks, following up with kisses. SWEET SUCCESS!!!
Teaching a child the joy of making good decisions on their own takes time and patience while imparting a lesson deeper, truer and so much more meaningful than immediate compliance forced by fear.
I hope Michael and Debi Pearl learn this truth in light of the tragic death of a child at the hands of their discipline method detailed in their books 'To Train Up A Child'.
Yes I had major beef with Babywise but my friend Mary is right that it makes the abuse sanctioned by the Ezzos small potatoes compared to the family violence encouraged by the Pearls. All based on the Bible, with tragic human error in interpretation. The rod. Intended to be a gift of guidance, twisted to be a tool of torture. How and why? Dark deception, exactly how and why I am heartbroken over and overwhelmed in attempt to apologize for.
Please, teach and model gentleness in your life, beyond your children and to everyone you encounter. Regardless of what some 'Christians' preach know that Jesus Christ taught and modeled the treatment of any person and especially the smallest to be simply of grace and sacrificial love.
And PLEASE read Mary's moving post on this issue, don't forget to watch the Anderson Cooper clip and pray for the Pearls to have a serious change of heart, along with anyone deceived by their tragically flawed parenting principles.
Monday, October 3, 2011
Saturday, October 1, 2011
The Secret Is Inside You
Of course it is! The amazing placenta. So many benefits!
I had never spent much time thinking about or appreciating any particular inner organ but have grown to discover and love many parts of myself, my uterus and I are awesomely good friends now. Yep. Did you know that during pregnancy your body grows an entirely new inner organ? The very first creative collaboration between you and your child, if you want to get romantic about it. I get sentimental over every Crayola red painted handprint, every tootsie pop tarantula and batch of blueberry muffins I help my brilliant kids make but it took me a while to appreciate this natural creation of gestation.
After my first baby born in the hospital, 'Ugh, yeah you have to give birth to it too, grossssssss' is what I reported to my VIP girlfriends.
After my second baby in a birthing center I'm sure the midwives were horrified as I looked at them blankly when they asked if I wanted to keep my sons' placenta and replied 'What, why? Ew, no.'.
By the next time I found myself pregnant I had gotten a bit of an education on the placenta and earned a new respect for Matthew McConaughey. I could not WAIT to see in person the placentas I had seen on ultrasound screen and looked forward to their births as a grand finale. My placenta encapsulation specialist was the first person I called right after my midwife with the news I was in labor.....before I called my mom.
I had prepared myself for two placenta births but they turned out to be fused together and needed just one push to be born. They were pretty darn gorgeous to me in my blissed-out birthy state, my midwives thought so too and made a big fuss over arranging the hanging umbilical cords around the conjoined placentas to make out the shape of a heart. aww....so cute. Snap snap snap went their cameras.
Lindsey from Placenta Benefits was super cute herself in her chef outfit and was professional as she was kind and enthusiastic. 'So cool you have TWO placentas! You'll probobly have enough left over to take during menopause! ' she said as she washed and prepped the placentas, cut them into small peices and placed them in a dehydrator to dry overnight. The next day she returned to turn the dried pieces into powder to stuff into capsules, presenting me with two jars of placenta pills as she had kept each placenta separate, just for fun.
There is conflict over the validity of the research behind placenta benefits, but after reading so many positive personal accounts I figured why not? Adding them to my regular vitamin regime was easy and I definitely saw a difference in my recovery compared to the births of my two older children. Yes I was still exhausted from pregnancy and birth and caring 'round the clock for two babies but my emotions felt more even and I coped better then I ever had before. I was told by well-meaning family and friends that I probably wouldn't be able to make enough milk to feed two babies and while I knew they were wrong I was so glad for the potential lactation support from the placenta pills. With my uterus as big as it had ever been, it shrank faster than it had before and postpartum bleeding became lighter and disappeared weeks earlier than it had after my first two babies.
The claims of those who partake include:
*Hormone balance
*Enhanced milk supply
*Increased energy
*Prevention of postpartum depression
*Less postpartum bleeding
*Quick return of the uterus to pre-pregnancy size
*Source of vitamins, minerals and nutrients
Everything a new mother needs, right there inside her. Even if she's a vegan who avoids meat for moral issues since no living creature was harmed in acquiring this organ placentophagia can be compatible with with kind food philosophies.
Don't let this precious piece of life be thrown into the biohazard bin, or worse sold off to be made into shampoo. MoonDragon gives us the details on cultural rituals performed with placentas through the ages, along with some interesting recipes including a placenta cocktail with tequila. Nope not kidding! I'm also not kidding when I say that as easy as the pills are to swallow, knowing what I know now about the power of placenta I would gratefully eat it raw if I needed to. Stories of mothers who have managed postpartum hemorrhaging this way are fascinating, bringing comfort to know of this readily available natural resource.
Respect birth, respect babies and our incredible bodies. Utilizing every gift and talent of nature to it's fullest is the ultimate in respect, and results in optimum outcomes.
Saturday, September 24, 2011
are the intactivists right?
Hmmm.... Considering all evidence and comparing all arguments in my opinion YES. Yes they are.
Yes, it's hard to hear.
Mutilator? Really you're saying I'm a mutilator?? But I love my son and would never do anything to hurt him! It's just NORMAL to have a boy circumcised, it's a quick and painless procedure right? I mean they did it right there in the hospital so clean and professional and modern, I know my kind doctor would never hurt my baby and the nurse told me he didn't even cry. How can you compare that to the violent and backwards FGM that happens in dirty huts in third world countries? Well after looking into it, male circumcision has much more in common with female circumcision than you would like to think. Starting with.....the cutting of genitals for crying out loud! WHY??
Well isn't it ugly? Aesthetics seems to be the most popular reason for circumsicion, saving boys from the ridicule of 'Gross! Anteater!' and wanting them to look just like daddy when comparing equipment. I hate to have to point out the obvious but sorry, the tip is just that. There are a just a few much more major differences between the genitalia of a toddling male child and a full grown man. Like size. Veins. Hair. Low hanging friends. Just to name a few. If beyond all that your young son happens to notice the difference in the length of foreskin how hard is it to say 'Yeah, back in the old days they used to cut the cap off your captain. Isn't that crazy???'
Fathers, ask yourself honestly. Is it YOU that wants your son to assimilate your penile style or are you really concerned about your son feeling strange left just as he's made? Sorry, being posh means you gotta ask the hard questions. For someone who has a great relationship with her Brazilian wax professional I realize it's bit of a double standard to be so disturbed by the this question of porn-approved good genital looks but when it comes to cutting skin, sorry I cannot relate. As a super-posh friend of mine once said 'If someone told me my vagina would be prettier with my clitoris cut off I'd punch them in the face.' Yeah, I have to agree with her there. And we're not alone.
But won't my son hump my couch and get my pretty pillows all dirty? Probably yes, whether your son is circ'ed or not. Yes, little boys bring their own kind of magic don't they? It's a challenge to teach them that exploring their body is all good, but best in the privacy of their own bed during those boring naps. Don't worry boy, the sheets will wash. You enjoy. Seriously, curbing self-pleasure has been an actual reason cited for circumcision and the sad thing is it works to some degree. Circumcised males are reported to masturbate less than their un-circumcised counterparts. I know it's stomach-wrenching to think of your children as sexual beings but it's the TRUTH of their healthy humanity! Respect that! Let them be, and give them your honest wise guidance to deal with it. A circumcised man will vehemently defend his pleasurable experiences and high sex drive and I have no doubt of his truth. But I also have had sex a time or two and understand that prescious inches of sensitive skin + action = GOOD. The more the better. Don't question or cut off nature's brilliance, for all our sakes.
But won't it protect them from getting AIDS? Yeah, like cutting of my breasts would protect me from getting breast cancer. Do we really want to be that interventionist, cutting off body parts from birth?
What about religions that require the cut? Some Jews are coming around, while Christians who very popularly cut without question need to know what their leader quite clearly said about the practice. Especially for the spiritual person who believes firmly in each unique individuals' right to life, isn't an infants' right to genital integrity just as basic?
But ewww, won't it get dirty and infected? As dirty and infected as a vaginal lips would get if you didn't clean them. Thats right it's the EXACT same thing. We can teach our boys genital health just like we teach our girls.
But really, won't he be made fun of? Circumcision rates are dropping all across America, fastest in California and slowest in Texas but dropping none the less. Yes your son will probably be made fun of for something or other while growing up. Will it be his nose? His haircut? Or his last name? His shoes or his wrong answer in class? And what if he's laughed at for the way his dick hangs? What side will he be on, the cut or the uncut? I know which side my sons will be on....and it's not the one I'd choose if I had a do-over.
My husband and I accepted the cultural norm without question. We learned about the non-reasons for circumcision and the associated risks too late to change hearts and minds. I don't cry at every diaper change or stress they'll grow into less of the men they are meant to be. But, I do have regret for things I did not know and I DO talk to every expectant couple I know and ask the question of whether they want to keep their son intact. I am just as forthright with my children in hopes they will make different decisions for their own sons.
I admit I've only known one thing and it will always be beautiful, welcome, perfect and whole in my eyes. But in short....FULL FORESKIN IS JUST FINE. To illustrate this point (yes this and all puns within this post are fully intended) I leave you with this totally posh gallery of intact men.
Your welcome.
And PLEASE please read through the recent series of excellent articles published in Psychology Today regarding the many myths about circumcision you probably believe, consider the concern over the emotional ramifications of forced genital surgery, realize the reality of the risks and allow yourself to be open to this persuasive Dick Move.
Yes, it's hard to hear.
Mutilator? Really you're saying I'm a mutilator?? But I love my son and would never do anything to hurt him! It's just NORMAL to have a boy circumcised, it's a quick and painless procedure right? I mean they did it right there in the hospital so clean and professional and modern, I know my kind doctor would never hurt my baby and the nurse told me he didn't even cry. How can you compare that to the violent and backwards FGM that happens in dirty huts in third world countries? Well after looking into it, male circumcision has much more in common with female circumcision than you would like to think. Starting with.....the cutting of genitals for crying out loud! WHY??
Well isn't it ugly? Aesthetics seems to be the most popular reason for circumsicion, saving boys from the ridicule of 'Gross! Anteater!' and wanting them to look just like daddy when comparing equipment. I hate to have to point out the obvious but sorry, the tip is just that. There are a just a few much more major differences between the genitalia of a toddling male child and a full grown man. Like size. Veins. Hair. Low hanging friends. Just to name a few. If beyond all that your young son happens to notice the difference in the length of foreskin how hard is it to say 'Yeah, back in the old days they used to cut the cap off your captain. Isn't that crazy???'
Fathers, ask yourself honestly. Is it YOU that wants your son to assimilate your penile style or are you really concerned about your son feeling strange left just as he's made? Sorry, being posh means you gotta ask the hard questions. For someone who has a great relationship with her Brazilian wax professional I realize it's bit of a double standard to be so disturbed by the this question of porn-approved good genital looks but when it comes to cutting skin, sorry I cannot relate. As a super-posh friend of mine once said 'If someone told me my vagina would be prettier with my clitoris cut off I'd punch them in the face.' Yeah, I have to agree with her there. And we're not alone.
But won't my son hump my couch and get my pretty pillows all dirty? Probably yes, whether your son is circ'ed or not. Yes, little boys bring their own kind of magic don't they? It's a challenge to teach them that exploring their body is all good, but best in the privacy of their own bed during those boring naps. Don't worry boy, the sheets will wash. You enjoy. Seriously, curbing self-pleasure has been an actual reason cited for circumcision and the sad thing is it works to some degree. Circumcised males are reported to masturbate less than their un-circumcised counterparts. I know it's stomach-wrenching to think of your children as sexual beings but it's the TRUTH of their healthy humanity! Respect that! Let them be, and give them your honest wise guidance to deal with it. A circumcised man will vehemently defend his pleasurable experiences and high sex drive and I have no doubt of his truth. But I also have had sex a time or two and understand that prescious inches of sensitive skin + action = GOOD. The more the better. Don't question or cut off nature's brilliance, for all our sakes.
But won't it protect them from getting AIDS? Yeah, like cutting of my breasts would protect me from getting breast cancer. Do we really want to be that interventionist, cutting off body parts from birth?
What about religions that require the cut? Some Jews are coming around, while Christians who very popularly cut without question need to know what their leader quite clearly said about the practice. Especially for the spiritual person who believes firmly in each unique individuals' right to life, isn't an infants' right to genital integrity just as basic?
But ewww, won't it get dirty and infected? As dirty and infected as a vaginal lips would get if you didn't clean them. Thats right it's the EXACT same thing. We can teach our boys genital health just like we teach our girls.
But really, won't he be made fun of? Circumcision rates are dropping all across America, fastest in California and slowest in Texas but dropping none the less. Yes your son will probably be made fun of for something or other while growing up. Will it be his nose? His haircut? Or his last name? His shoes or his wrong answer in class? And what if he's laughed at for the way his dick hangs? What side will he be on, the cut or the uncut? I know which side my sons will be on....and it's not the one I'd choose if I had a do-over.
My husband and I accepted the cultural norm without question. We learned about the non-reasons for circumcision and the associated risks too late to change hearts and minds. I don't cry at every diaper change or stress they'll grow into less of the men they are meant to be. But, I do have regret for things I did not know and I DO talk to every expectant couple I know and ask the question of whether they want to keep their son intact. I am just as forthright with my children in hopes they will make different decisions for their own sons.
I admit I've only known one thing and it will always be beautiful, welcome, perfect and whole in my eyes. But in short....FULL FORESKIN IS JUST FINE. To illustrate this point (yes this and all puns within this post are fully intended) I leave you with this totally posh gallery of intact men.
Your welcome.
And PLEASE please read through the recent series of excellent articles published in Psychology Today regarding the many myths about circumcision you probably believe, consider the concern over the emotional ramifications of forced genital surgery, realize the reality of the risks and allow yourself to be open to this persuasive Dick Move.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
if a doula were a drug
"it would be malpractice not to use it."
This strong endorsement of the doulas' influential role by Dr. John Kennell has been widely quoted, as it should be!
If you could do something to help protect yourself and your baby from perinatal complications, to help shorten your labor, lessen your need for anesthetic pain releif, lower your risk for synthetic augmentation and cesarean surgery, increase the chances of your infant not needing NICU time, boost your breastfeeding success and feel a greater sense of self-esteem and satisfaction after your baby's birth and decrease risk for postpartum depression, would you do it?
Why not right?
Who couldn't use a cheerleader, a massage therapist, a friend to talk to, support from someone who's been there, help finding the information you seek, another head to bounce ideas off of, an advocate, a hand to hold, an errand runner, a buffer for your in-laws, compassionate eyes to notice the little things, unconditional encouragement, full attention and empathy. On like, any given Monday I could use all of that. Couldn't you?
During pregnancy, in birth and through postpartum a doula does all these things as she performs her primary task, which is to mother the mother. In turn she elevates the fathers' role as partner by placing importance on his involvement, supporting the entire family. DONA International breaks down the daddy/doula relationship while Birth Activist explains it to the guys in golfing terms. Nicely done!
Find a doula near you through DONA, and if you're near me Get Babied at Austin's doula collective or give GALS a chance to give you labor support. If you need it, you can find a doula for free as new doulas who are working toward certification volunteer their services (raising hand and waving wildly) and most doula collectives have volunteer programs to serve their community.
Whether you feel a birth at home is right, if you want an intervention-free birth in a hospital or an epidural-aided experience with your trusted OB, whether you purposefully plan or suddenly find yourself facing cesarean surgery the processes of pregnancy, labor, birth and newborn bonding are incredibly sensitive and challenging times in your womanly life. These are transitions that will influence your maturation and experiences that will have effect on your lifelong emotional and physical health. The role of a caring female companion for support is ideally filled by family, as it has been historically but modern times gives too many of us distant fragmented relationships in a culture largely ignorant of biological norms in birth and breastfeeding. The need for a mother to be mothered remains and a trained doula by your side can make all the difference in having a birth you feel blissed out over and giving you the best start possible in your new life with your baby.
Do You Doula?
Please click above for a short & sweet video of parents and doulas talking about their roles, expectations, the reality and their refelctions on working together. My favorite comment from the YouTube peanut gallery is this one:
"what impacted their feelings about their birth was how powerful they felt... like they were supported...what they said mattered, those were the things that made their birth a positive or negative" I didn't do natural childbirth and felt isolated from the natural childbirth community, but this resonated with me so much. This video was educational, inspiring, and non- judgmental. It's a must see for all expecting mothers."
Birth as a feminist frontier is nothing new, but we are finally getting to the heart of what elevates a human no matter their sex.
Respect. Support. Autonomy. Freedom. Responsibility.
(Paraphrased from the video ) "In studies of over 45,000 women what they found was that how they felt about the pain in their labor did not impact their feelings about their births. What impacted them was how powerful they felt, whether they felt like they were in control, like they were in the driver's seat, that they were supported, like what they said mattered. Those were the things that mattered and made a difference in whether their birth was positive or negative for them, it's not what we've been taught."
Continuos labor support bridges the gap the usual care provider whether a midwife or obstetrician cannot fill for responsibility of duty to many laboring mothers. A support person who is not clinical in scope but emotional and psychosocial offers a deep level of comfort, satisfaction and safety.
This strong endorsement of the doulas' influential role by Dr. John Kennell has been widely quoted, as it should be!
If you could do something to help protect yourself and your baby from perinatal complications, to help shorten your labor, lessen your need for anesthetic pain releif, lower your risk for synthetic augmentation and cesarean surgery, increase the chances of your infant not needing NICU time, boost your breastfeeding success and feel a greater sense of self-esteem and satisfaction after your baby's birth and decrease risk for postpartum depression, would you do it?
Why not right?
Who couldn't use a cheerleader, a massage therapist, a friend to talk to, support from someone who's been there, help finding the information you seek, another head to bounce ideas off of, an advocate, a hand to hold, an errand runner, a buffer for your in-laws, compassionate eyes to notice the little things, unconditional encouragement, full attention and empathy. On like, any given Monday I could use all of that. Couldn't you?
During pregnancy, in birth and through postpartum a doula does all these things as she performs her primary task, which is to mother the mother. In turn she elevates the fathers' role as partner by placing importance on his involvement, supporting the entire family. DONA International breaks down the daddy/doula relationship while Birth Activist explains it to the guys in golfing terms. Nicely done!
Find a doula near you through DONA, and if you're near me Get Babied at Austin's doula collective or give GALS a chance to give you labor support. If you need it, you can find a doula for free as new doulas who are working toward certification volunteer their services (raising hand and waving wildly) and most doula collectives have volunteer programs to serve their community.
Whether you feel a birth at home is right, if you want an intervention-free birth in a hospital or an epidural-aided experience with your trusted OB, whether you purposefully plan or suddenly find yourself facing cesarean surgery the processes of pregnancy, labor, birth and newborn bonding are incredibly sensitive and challenging times in your womanly life. These are transitions that will influence your maturation and experiences that will have effect on your lifelong emotional and physical health. The role of a caring female companion for support is ideally filled by family, as it has been historically but modern times gives too many of us distant fragmented relationships in a culture largely ignorant of biological norms in birth and breastfeeding. The need for a mother to be mothered remains and a trained doula by your side can make all the difference in having a birth you feel blissed out over and giving you the best start possible in your new life with your baby.
Do You Doula?
Please click above for a short & sweet video of parents and doulas talking about their roles, expectations, the reality and their refelctions on working together. My favorite comment from the YouTube peanut gallery is this one:
"what impacted their feelings about their birth was how powerful they felt... like they were supported...what they said mattered, those were the things that made their birth a positive or negative" I didn't do natural childbirth and felt isolated from the natural childbirth community, but this resonated with me so much. This video was educational, inspiring, and non- judgmental. It's a must see for all expecting mothers."
Birth as a feminist frontier is nothing new, but we are finally getting to the heart of what elevates a human no matter their sex.
Respect. Support. Autonomy. Freedom. Responsibility.
(Paraphrased from the video ) "In studies of over 45,000 women what they found was that how they felt about the pain in their labor did not impact their feelings about their births. What impacted them was how powerful they felt, whether they felt like they were in control, like they were in the driver's seat, that they were supported, like what they said mattered. Those were the things that mattered and made a difference in whether their birth was positive or negative for them, it's not what we've been taught."
Continuos labor support bridges the gap the usual care provider whether a midwife or obstetrician cannot fill for responsibility of duty to many laboring mothers. A support person who is not clinical in scope but emotional and psychosocial offers a deep level of comfort, satisfaction and safety.
Friday, September 9, 2011
How To: Hospital Birth ~ without the epidural
Making the right choice for your birthplace is essential to safety and a successful outcome, being where you feel secure and find the most confidence in your caregivers gives you freedom to do the hard work of labor and birth to the best of your abilities. To give birth for the first time to a beautiful baby girl she calls Olivia, my friend Mica chose a hospital as her birthplace and an OB as her care provider. Despite an epidural being central to the way birth is usually managed in a hospital setting, Mica wanted to give birth without it and she was wildly successful.
I asked her what was important to her about choosing the hospital and care provider she did.
"I used my existing OBGYN, but the reasons I selected her were that she was a female doctor who already had children and experienced birth. Also she was pro vaginal birth using cesaerean only if necessary for mother/baby survival. My OB operated out of a level 5 NICU hospital, which was comforting to me in the case of complications."
It is imperative to choose a care provider who shares your beliefs about birth and who practices in ways you are most comfortable with. There are excellent obstetricians out there who support natural vaginal birth, if that's your goal make it your mission to find one!
And why did you want to birth without analgesic pain releif?
"I am generally anti-drug because they dull your body's response and warning systems. Trying to "push" when you can't feel your muscles is ridiculous in concept and often leads to hemmorhoids and tears because you can't tell when your body should stop."
There are many reasons women are drawn to birthing unmedicated from connecting to 'rite of passage' emotions to practically protecting themselves and their babies physically. Aiming for the most gentle birth possible to maximize my instinctive efforts while minimizing birth injury and trauma was at the top of my list too.
Through your pregnancy how did you prepare for the process of birth?
I drank a lot of red raspberry leaf and blends of pregnancy tea. I also took 5W. I can't say whether these truly prepare the body or if it is a placebo effect, but I did feel like I was actively participating in preparing my body for birth. I also exercised through my pregnancy as much as possible. Side twists and strengthing your core help prepare your body to handle the extra weight of the baby. Kegels help the labial muscles respond to the birth. You would train for any other intense physical activity (Karate tournament or marathon) but people don't train for birth and their bodies aren't ready for that intense physical challenge.
I love how she planned for birth as an intense physical event, prepped her body with nutrition and exercise and prepared her mind at the same time. Consumption of extra vitamins and minerals is only good for you, liberal drinking of Red Raspberry Leaf tea helps tremendously in keeping you hydrated and full of vitamins A, B, C, calcium, iron and alkaloids to strengthen uterine muscles. There is some dissent over the correct way to work the pelvic floor and whether kegels offer benefit beyond sexual function to aid in birth but since learning Tupler's Perfect Pushing Technique I would encourage every woman to explore the relationship between her abdominal and vaginal muscles....duh it's all connected. Yup it's true! Yoga is excellent exercise to strengthen your abdominals, the only ab workout to stay away from through pregnancy and post-partum is the traditional sit-up.
Okay back to Mica.....
So how was it? Was it more difficult that you thought it would be, or easier? What was the most challenging and the easiest part for you?
"I think the birth was actually very easy. The contractions were not bad for me. I counted to 30 through each contraction. Sometimes I lost count. Sometimes I counted to 30 several times. But if youasked me how long the contraction was, I'd say "about 30 seconds." Mentally, I knew I could handle intense feelings as long as it was only for 30 seconds...even though it was a bit longer in reality.
The most difficult part was the actual birth, It doesn't hurt so much as the baby which was moving is now "stuck" and you have to pass it. As a new mom I hadn't experienced that feeling before and I really had to hold my breath and count to ten while pushing. After 4 pushes I was like "Wow I can't do this...the baby just doesn't fit!" but then my dr told me that the baby had already crowned and all I had to do was push once more to get the head out and guess what? I knew I could do one more push. So I did. It's amazing what you can do when you know it's only "one more" time. "
I am always facinated when I hear first-time mothers say 'you know it really was not that bad at all!" Usually those are the mothers who have used Hypnobirthing or taken Bradley classes, preparation really makes a difference! Every woman will react differently to the challenge of labor, for some it's about totally losing themselves and letting go while others like Mica find comfort in clinging to the rationality of numbers, being practical and pragmatic as they KNOW they can do it and just go ahead and DO IT! The mantras she chose of 'knowing she could handle anything for 30 seconds' and knowing she could do anything 'one more time' were so powerful and served her well. Explore yourself as you to prepare for the challenge of birth by reflecting on hard situations you've faced in the past and bravely facing any fears to get a hold on them in advance. Imagine yourself being consistent as you work through difficulty, think about what would encourage you while facing doubt and communicate this to your parter and birth attendants so they are prepared with the right tools to help you through.
So what would you tell another mother with the same goal to encourage her success?
"Well, my doctor said that the best deliveries occur when the mom wants to try vaginal, but accepts that a c-section might be necessary and authorizes the dr to "run the show." If you have your heart set on one course of action, you mentally set yourself up to panic when things don't go to plan. Very few mothers do back-up or risk planning and then they can't enjoy the miracle in process. The goal should be a healthy baby and as a mother, you do whatever means are necessary to ensure that can happen."
As important as it can be to cement your birth desires with preparation and planning, I agree that keeping a certain level of openness to however things play out is important in obtaining an optimum outcome. Life is crazy, and often throws you curve balls. The vast majority of the time spontaneous vaginal birth just happens. When there are special considerations with a mother or baby's health or when there is a disproportionate amount of pain or difficult fetal positioning or extreme fatigue there is a real need and appropriate place for interventions including medicinal pain releif. There is an excellent blend of optimizing conditions to let nature to do her magic and assisting medically when needed, and that is best directed by YOU Posh Mama. As the birthing woman you are in the ultimate position of authority and at some point that may include the decision to allow a birth professional to 'run the show'. This is where the careful vetting of your care provider comes into play. If you have chosen an OB who truly supports you and shares your beliefs about birth you will feel more confidence in agreeing to any interventions recommended and will feel truly supported if YOU end up being the one to request an intervention. It happens, here's the story of an amazingly posh mama who knew something was wrong and that her baby needed surgery to be born.
And if you decide in the moment that you need an epidural after all, there is NO SHAME in doing what you know is best for you! Your reason will be unlike anyone else's, here is the inspiring story of another mother who worked hard against the odds for a hospital VBAC and ended up with an epidural to appease her OB but ultimately triumphed in her successful vaginal birth.
Let's talk a bit more about pain preparation.
The sensations of birth are OVERWHELMING, the first time you feel it get serious you're like 'Are you kidding me, is this for REAL?' It's unbelievable how much power you house internally, dealing with it will be as different as each woman and her experience and expectations are.
A mother I attended as a doula was very confident through her pregnancy about birth, she had read Spiritual Midwifery cover to cover, taken childbirth education classes, had a good understanding of the physiology of birth and was very in touch with her own body. She had witnessed her cats giving birth to their kittens, even assisting in removing membranes off a freshly born feline face and often talked about her pets behavior during birth and imagined herself acting similarly in the throes of contractions. I loved that she had such an instinctive image of birth in her head and encouraged her positive expectations. But when her labor day came and it happened to her own human self, I saw her hit that wall of self-doubt as she verbalized how badly it hurt and that 'she was done with this and wanted an epidural'. I tried my best to be intuitive to her and determine if saying these things felt good to her and was part of her process or if she really was thinking about what it would entail to pack everything up and get to a hospital to actually get an epidural, as she was laboring in a small birthing center. On a hot Austin Friday afternoon the sunlight bounced off the guitars on the walls of the 'Music Room' and she paced back and forth much like a cat, going from the bed to the bathroom to the shower and back, in an out of body state saying she felt like she was on drugs without a pain relieving factor. Yup. It's all very surreal where time and space transcend and it's so overwhelming that in one way you feel like you are watching it all on a movie screen and in other ways you are so IN IT that nothing seems real outside of the churning inside your own body. Hearing her cries as they intensified made me worry that I hadn't done my job, that I had been like the worst doula ever and had not prepared her properly for dealing with birth if it gets truly painful. 'It's her experience, and she's working through it' I reminded myself as I watched her with respect and responded accordingly to her every request which were primarily for counter pressure on her lower back and assistance in and out of the shower. She did work through it, totally rocked it and birthed her baby brilliantly about an hour later.
If we hadn't been in that birthing center, but at a hospital with an eager anesthesiologist standing by would she have really wanted that needle in her back for drugged relief? We'll never know, but I do know that when it was me laboring in a hospital that was all I wanted.
So for the woman who chooses a hospital as her birthplace and is serious about birthing her baby without analgesic, how can she best prep for success?
Prepare by reading, taking classes, learning relaxation techniques, visualizing positive birth scenes, choosing personal mantras and carefully selecting emotional support people. Just your partner? Your partner and your mother or sister? Your whole family and your doula? Whoever they are you will need those who you find calming and comforting, people who love you, who love your baby, who understand how difficult birth can be and who will nurture you through it. Don't be alone! Unless you truly want it that way. For sure don't be surrounded by people who stress you out, make you uncomfortable or irritable. The people around you should be happy to nurture beyond emotionally but physically as well through massage, an incredibly useful tool in relieving pain and increasing natural endorphins.
It's important to understand the basic hospital procedures so you are aware of why it may be difficult for the staff to understand and comply with your wishes. Hospitals are in the business of relieving pain, and when hearing a laboring women getting guttural they are compelled by their practice to offer her relief. Understanding that nurses are truly not trying to sabatoge you but are only doing their job can give you not only compassion for their position but good strategy for communication. By say...hiring a doula! A doula who aims to make as good a friend possible of every nurse who comes on shift, communicating your birth plan and getting everyone on the same page in supporting your goals.
Make sure your care provider respects your rights and won't pull a Kingsdale on you. Talk in detail to your OB as much as you can in in your prenatal appointments to truly secure their support for your birth plan, practice communication and get comfortable with the person you're ultimately trusting with your life and child. Also, understand that even though your OB may agree to forgoing certain standard procedures, this may conflict with hospital policy. Make sure you reconcile these issues and arrange a plan for your OB to communicate with the hospital staff so there are fewer frustrations on the day you give birth. Get as familiar with L&D as you can, touring your hospital more than once and hanging back to try to talk to some of the nurses, getting comfortable with your birthing space and connecting with a potential familiar face.
To obtain an intervention-free birth in a place where interventions are standard procedure a birth plan is essential. Here's my moonshot list of requests for a hospital birth, PhD in Parenting lists 10 excellent questions to ask and The Feminist Breeder explores the roles of power and patriarchy in relation to the birth plan. While you're at it, go ahead and write birth plan A, B & C as recommended by the Prenatal Yoga center to think beyond your dream birth scene and put real thought into all the possibilities (yes even the scariest ones) so you are as prepared as possible.
The desire to birth 'naturally' in a less than natural setting can be a whole lot of work but it has and CAN be done! Seek out and demand the care you want and deserve! Thanks to Mica for sharing what worked for her and best of luck to YOU!
I asked her what was important to her about choosing the hospital and care provider she did.
"I used my existing OBGYN, but the reasons I selected her were that she was a female doctor who already had children and experienced birth. Also she was pro vaginal birth using cesaerean only if necessary for mother/baby survival. My OB operated out of a level 5 NICU hospital, which was comforting to me in the case of complications."
It is imperative to choose a care provider who shares your beliefs about birth and who practices in ways you are most comfortable with. There are excellent obstetricians out there who support natural vaginal birth, if that's your goal make it your mission to find one!
And why did you want to birth without analgesic pain releif?
"I am generally anti-drug because they dull your body's response and warning systems. Trying to "push" when you can't feel your muscles is ridiculous in concept and often leads to hemmorhoids and tears because you can't tell when your body should stop."
There are many reasons women are drawn to birthing unmedicated from connecting to 'rite of passage' emotions to practically protecting themselves and their babies physically. Aiming for the most gentle birth possible to maximize my instinctive efforts while minimizing birth injury and trauma was at the top of my list too.
Through your pregnancy how did you prepare for the process of birth?
I drank a lot of red raspberry leaf and blends of pregnancy tea. I also took 5W. I can't say whether these truly prepare the body or if it is a placebo effect, but I did feel like I was actively participating in preparing my body for birth. I also exercised through my pregnancy as much as possible. Side twists and strengthing your core help prepare your body to handle the extra weight of the baby. Kegels help the labial muscles respond to the birth. You would train for any other intense physical activity (Karate tournament or marathon) but people don't train for birth and their bodies aren't ready for that intense physical challenge.
I love how she planned for birth as an intense physical event, prepped her body with nutrition and exercise and prepared her mind at the same time. Consumption of extra vitamins and minerals is only good for you, liberal drinking of Red Raspberry Leaf tea helps tremendously in keeping you hydrated and full of vitamins A, B, C, calcium, iron and alkaloids to strengthen uterine muscles. There is some dissent over the correct way to work the pelvic floor and whether kegels offer benefit beyond sexual function to aid in birth but since learning Tupler's Perfect Pushing Technique I would encourage every woman to explore the relationship between her abdominal and vaginal muscles....duh it's all connected. Yup it's true! Yoga is excellent exercise to strengthen your abdominals, the only ab workout to stay away from through pregnancy and post-partum is the traditional sit-up.
Okay back to Mica.....
So how was it? Was it more difficult that you thought it would be, or easier? What was the most challenging and the easiest part for you?
"I think the birth was actually very easy. The contractions were not bad for me. I counted to 30 through each contraction. Sometimes I lost count. Sometimes I counted to 30 several times. But if youasked me how long the contraction was, I'd say "about 30 seconds." Mentally, I knew I could handle intense feelings as long as it was only for 30 seconds...even though it was a bit longer in reality.
The most difficult part was the actual birth, It doesn't hurt so much as the baby which was moving is now "stuck" and you have to pass it. As a new mom I hadn't experienced that feeling before and I really had to hold my breath and count to ten while pushing. After 4 pushes I was like "Wow I can't do this...the baby just doesn't fit!" but then my dr told me that the baby had already crowned and all I had to do was push once more to get the head out and guess what? I knew I could do one more push. So I did. It's amazing what you can do when you know it's only "one more" time. "
I am always facinated when I hear first-time mothers say 'you know it really was not that bad at all!" Usually those are the mothers who have used Hypnobirthing or taken Bradley classes, preparation really makes a difference! Every woman will react differently to the challenge of labor, for some it's about totally losing themselves and letting go while others like Mica find comfort in clinging to the rationality of numbers, being practical and pragmatic as they KNOW they can do it and just go ahead and DO IT! The mantras she chose of 'knowing she could handle anything for 30 seconds' and knowing she could do anything 'one more time' were so powerful and served her well. Explore yourself as you to prepare for the challenge of birth by reflecting on hard situations you've faced in the past and bravely facing any fears to get a hold on them in advance. Imagine yourself being consistent as you work through difficulty, think about what would encourage you while facing doubt and communicate this to your parter and birth attendants so they are prepared with the right tools to help you through.
So what would you tell another mother with the same goal to encourage her success?
"Well, my doctor said that the best deliveries occur when the mom wants to try vaginal, but accepts that a c-section might be necessary and authorizes the dr to "run the show." If you have your heart set on one course of action, you mentally set yourself up to panic when things don't go to plan. Very few mothers do back-up or risk planning and then they can't enjoy the miracle in process. The goal should be a healthy baby and as a mother, you do whatever means are necessary to ensure that can happen."
As important as it can be to cement your birth desires with preparation and planning, I agree that keeping a certain level of openness to however things play out is important in obtaining an optimum outcome. Life is crazy, and often throws you curve balls. The vast majority of the time spontaneous vaginal birth just happens. When there are special considerations with a mother or baby's health or when there is a disproportionate amount of pain or difficult fetal positioning or extreme fatigue there is a real need and appropriate place for interventions including medicinal pain releif. There is an excellent blend of optimizing conditions to let nature to do her magic and assisting medically when needed, and that is best directed by YOU Posh Mama. As the birthing woman you are in the ultimate position of authority and at some point that may include the decision to allow a birth professional to 'run the show'. This is where the careful vetting of your care provider comes into play. If you have chosen an OB who truly supports you and shares your beliefs about birth you will feel more confidence in agreeing to any interventions recommended and will feel truly supported if YOU end up being the one to request an intervention. It happens, here's the story of an amazingly posh mama who knew something was wrong and that her baby needed surgery to be born.
And if you decide in the moment that you need an epidural after all, there is NO SHAME in doing what you know is best for you! Your reason will be unlike anyone else's, here is the inspiring story of another mother who worked hard against the odds for a hospital VBAC and ended up with an epidural to appease her OB but ultimately triumphed in her successful vaginal birth.
Let's talk a bit more about pain preparation.
The sensations of birth are OVERWHELMING, the first time you feel it get serious you're like 'Are you kidding me, is this for REAL?' It's unbelievable how much power you house internally, dealing with it will be as different as each woman and her experience and expectations are.
A mother I attended as a doula was very confident through her pregnancy about birth, she had read Spiritual Midwifery cover to cover, taken childbirth education classes, had a good understanding of the physiology of birth and was very in touch with her own body. She had witnessed her cats giving birth to their kittens, even assisting in removing membranes off a freshly born feline face and often talked about her pets behavior during birth and imagined herself acting similarly in the throes of contractions. I loved that she had such an instinctive image of birth in her head and encouraged her positive expectations. But when her labor day came and it happened to her own human self, I saw her hit that wall of self-doubt as she verbalized how badly it hurt and that 'she was done with this and wanted an epidural'. I tried my best to be intuitive to her and determine if saying these things felt good to her and was part of her process or if she really was thinking about what it would entail to pack everything up and get to a hospital to actually get an epidural, as she was laboring in a small birthing center. On a hot Austin Friday afternoon the sunlight bounced off the guitars on the walls of the 'Music Room' and she paced back and forth much like a cat, going from the bed to the bathroom to the shower and back, in an out of body state saying she felt like she was on drugs without a pain relieving factor. Yup. It's all very surreal where time and space transcend and it's so overwhelming that in one way you feel like you are watching it all on a movie screen and in other ways you are so IN IT that nothing seems real outside of the churning inside your own body. Hearing her cries as they intensified made me worry that I hadn't done my job, that I had been like the worst doula ever and had not prepared her properly for dealing with birth if it gets truly painful. 'It's her experience, and she's working through it' I reminded myself as I watched her with respect and responded accordingly to her every request which were primarily for counter pressure on her lower back and assistance in and out of the shower. She did work through it, totally rocked it and birthed her baby brilliantly about an hour later.
If we hadn't been in that birthing center, but at a hospital with an eager anesthesiologist standing by would she have really wanted that needle in her back for drugged relief? We'll never know, but I do know that when it was me laboring in a hospital that was all I wanted.
So for the woman who chooses a hospital as her birthplace and is serious about birthing her baby without analgesic, how can she best prep for success?
Prepare by reading, taking classes, learning relaxation techniques, visualizing positive birth scenes, choosing personal mantras and carefully selecting emotional support people. Just your partner? Your partner and your mother or sister? Your whole family and your doula? Whoever they are you will need those who you find calming and comforting, people who love you, who love your baby, who understand how difficult birth can be and who will nurture you through it. Don't be alone! Unless you truly want it that way. For sure don't be surrounded by people who stress you out, make you uncomfortable or irritable. The people around you should be happy to nurture beyond emotionally but physically as well through massage, an incredibly useful tool in relieving pain and increasing natural endorphins.
It's important to understand the basic hospital procedures so you are aware of why it may be difficult for the staff to understand and comply with your wishes. Hospitals are in the business of relieving pain, and when hearing a laboring women getting guttural they are compelled by their practice to offer her relief. Understanding that nurses are truly not trying to sabatoge you but are only doing their job can give you not only compassion for their position but good strategy for communication. By say...hiring a doula! A doula who aims to make as good a friend possible of every nurse who comes on shift, communicating your birth plan and getting everyone on the same page in supporting your goals.
Make sure your care provider respects your rights and won't pull a Kingsdale on you. Talk in detail to your OB as much as you can in in your prenatal appointments to truly secure their support for your birth plan, practice communication and get comfortable with the person you're ultimately trusting with your life and child. Also, understand that even though your OB may agree to forgoing certain standard procedures, this may conflict with hospital policy. Make sure you reconcile these issues and arrange a plan for your OB to communicate with the hospital staff so there are fewer frustrations on the day you give birth. Get as familiar with L&D as you can, touring your hospital more than once and hanging back to try to talk to some of the nurses, getting comfortable with your birthing space and connecting with a potential familiar face.
To obtain an intervention-free birth in a place where interventions are standard procedure a birth plan is essential. Here's my moonshot list of requests for a hospital birth, PhD in Parenting lists 10 excellent questions to ask and The Feminist Breeder explores the roles of power and patriarchy in relation to the birth plan. While you're at it, go ahead and write birth plan A, B & C as recommended by the Prenatal Yoga center to think beyond your dream birth scene and put real thought into all the possibilities (yes even the scariest ones) so you are as prepared as possible.
The desire to birth 'naturally' in a less than natural setting can be a whole lot of work but it has and CAN be done! Seek out and demand the care you want and deserve! Thanks to Mica for sharing what worked for her and best of luck to YOU!
Monday, September 5, 2011
You're pregnant!
With, like....a BABY! Congratulations! Maybe you've planned and dreamed of this child, or maybe it was a surprise that this human soul chose you. Either way you are POSH, even though I know you might be struggling not to puke. Who decided to call it 'morning sickness' anyway? It can hit at anytime and for some women (like me) can last all day long. To deal, eat what sounds palatable even if that means nothing but hangover food or bland oatmeal. Don't stress too much about your diet right now, after the early nausea fades you might be surprised at how you suddenly crave everything fresh and green and will more than make up for these days of no calories at worst or greasy carb cals at best. Mint or ginger tea, ginger ale, snacking on crackers first thing in the morning and through the day, wearing accupressure bands, taking naps and forcing yourself get a little exercise are some other ways to make it through. Hang in there!
The early weeks and months of a new pregnancy can bring so much emotion, a feeling of disbelief and a compulsion to stare at those two pink lines on the pee stick, asking yourself 'Is this really real?' Wondering if this baby will stick, being so afraid to lose what you just found out you have. Looking in the mirror and searching to see in the reflection of the young woman looking back at you... a mother.
Getting used to the idea of being pregnant and becoming a mother can be overwhelming enough, those conflicting feelings of fear and excitement along with stress and confusion make it very attractive to put all your faith and trust in an authority figure who tells you exactly what to do and simply does it to you. Especially for a woman in a patriarchal culture where her compliance and submission is expected the thought of questioning the orders of a highly educated and skilled professional who has seen hundreds of babies born can seem simply foolish.
I am here to let you know that you know more than you think, and to assure you that you are already a super-posh mom! And to implore you to educate yourself so you can be truly confident in agreeing to any treatment or intervention through your pregnancy and birth, and just as confident in declining them. The world wide web has a plethora of information and mis-information to offer, inspiring and frightening stories alike. It can be easy to lose yourself in a pit of despair after reading upsetting things and decide to simply close yourself off from information entirely, especially when friends advise you to do so. Good intentions of course are behind such advice, coming from friends and family is one thing but coming from your care provider is another. It gives me chills when I hear women say their doctors discouraged them from googling, a care provider who truly is objective and has you and your baby's best interests at heart will always encourage your education, awareness and informed involvement.
Whenever a diagnosis is given, a treatment or intervention recommended please google your lovely pregnant fingers off! My personal criteria when looking for information on an issue is at the very least to read from two obstetrical/mainstream sources, two midwifery/holistic sources and at least one personal story. Some might strike fear into my heart, yes. And I might find myself more confused than I was before. But after giving myself some time to reflect and apply reason to the information I've digested has always led me to an answer and/or a list of questions to find answers to which lead me to my ultimate answer. The one that is right for ME. What's right for YOU will be different.
Each woman is on her own journey, it takes a lifetime of triumphs and mistakes. Mistakes that are perfectly fine to make, we do the best we can with the information we have in the moment. It is so easy to look back with regret, and say 'I should have been more prepared, I should have tried harder, I should have could have....why didn't I???' Give yourself grace, recognize appropriate guilt and learn from it and throw unnecessary guilt straight out the window as hard as you can, you are way too posh for that.
Life tends to get pretty real pretty quickly once you are responsible for a new human life, and when things get real eliminating the superflous, especially that which causes undue stress and worry is something you might want to think about. Which brings me to early prenatal testing, the first intervention to your pregnancy you will offered or pressured into.
I don't know what the statistics say, but anecdotally in my experience with personal friends and family early ultrasound scans too often result in misdiagnosis of fetal development problems which can immediately place you in a high-risk category. Even if further testing confirms no problems at all, the stage is set for your pregnancy and your care provider may still classify you as high risk and you may carry that fear through pregnancy and birth and beyond. Those tears you cry at your baby's birth should be primarily of pride and overwhelming joy, not simply relief that your baby is alive with all limbs.
So what is the point of early prenatal testing? Screening for chromosomal abnormalities can put parents minds at ease, having evidence your baby is perfectly healthy is so reassuring and if you get news that your child is missing a genetic marker it can be comforting to have that information to emotionally prepare yourself for a child with special needs. However, parental peace of mind is a by-product of these test results and not the true purpose - which is to limit the care providers liability. Over 90% of parents choose not prepare for a child with special needs, usually the decision to terminate is made and the earlier an abortion the less complicated it is which is the reason behind the rush for further testing when there are worrisome spots seen on a fetal brains. Doctors get sued big-time for failing to give parents this information and option.
Yep, told you things got really real real fast didn't I? The question of terminating a pregnancy in light of evidence of fetal development abnormalities is a reality you'll need to think about and decide where you stand. Along with assessing risk factors reflecting on your personal beliefs regarding human right to life, awareness of people with special needs and the support your community offers along with personal resources available to you will be your best guide in deciding whether to have these tests at all and if you do, determining your action in the case of positive results.
Ultrasound - It's quite the cultural phenomenon that today we are so used to watching life on screen that the images we see visually translate to reality more than the flutters we feel internally inches underneath our own skin. Ultrasound can bring tremendous joy and relief, seeing the pulse of your baby's heartbeat and the shape of a large head and developing body can be so exciting, RadiologyInfo.org offers a basic explanation description of fetal ultrasound and under the category of 'Risk' declares there are no known harmful effect on humans, while under the category of 'Limitations' admits that ultrasound cannot identify all fetal abnormalities and under suspicions of such a pregnant woman may be advised to to undergo more invasive testing such as amniocentesis. The abstract of a study at NCBI also describes ultrasound technology as regarded to be safe to the fetus, while with the same breath says the safety is unknown with the increasing use of the Doppler and modern 3-D and 4-D machines. Another study with the goal of determining practitioner knowledge of the safety of diagnostic ultrasound concluded that the majority were poorly informed. A big fat IDK from me....I feel like ultrasounds are so minimally invasive and carry quite a low risk overall, but concerns about early miscarriage and suspected links to autism made me cautious enough to wait until 20 weeks into my last pregnancy to have an ultrasound scan, knowing my baby (surprise...babies!) was mine to show what it meant to be loved as long as I could no matter what. There is a difference between correlation and causation, keep your eye on continuing research and consider being conservative in what you expose your baby to, an article at Health Gather presents a host of informative links on the risks.
CVS (Choronic Villius Sampling) - the next test to be offered or scheduled after a first early ultrasound that may or may not show something to be concerned about, American Pregnancy describes the nature of this diagnostic test which uses a needle to remove cells from the placenta at 10-13 weeks along in pregnancy. Looking for chromosomal abnormalities and genetic disorders, American Pregnancy claims high levels of accuracy without a measure of severity. Miscarriage is the greatest risk involved with this procedure occurring in 1 out of every hundred tests with a 1% chance of a false positive.
Amniocentesis - Described at WebMD as a test where a needle is inserted through the mother's abdomen into the uterus, taking a sample of amniotic fluid to test for birth defects. This test carries risks of miscarriage, injury to both mother and baby, infection and preterm labor. Dr. Kenneth F. Trofatter explores these risks at Healthline.com.
It's up to you to decide if these tests are worth it, and what you will do with the resulting information. Personal stories have always been the most persuasive to me, and the ones involving the intended birth of a child with health challenges and disabilities are especially moving.
Please search for information, and search your heart. If you feel that burning desire to be a parent...what is at the core of your passion? Is it personal growth that comes with working through the challenges of your life? Exploring your capacity to serve? Finding the ever-expanding boundaries of your giving heart and the depths of which you are willing to learn, being humbled giving your all to another? This is what true parenting is. Your life is REAL. So is the gift of that heart beating in your belly. And most likely it belongs to a perfectly healthy and perfectly beautiful child who is yours to love and care for. Protect them and realistically expect the best!
Other general advice for this time.....it's never too early to start prepping your skin for the impending stretch with natural oils, and since you're probably taking a nosedive on nutrition, drink up as many vitamins as you can in the form of infused teas of nettles and red raspberry leaf.
And take a nap, you're exhausted mama.
The early weeks and months of a new pregnancy can bring so much emotion, a feeling of disbelief and a compulsion to stare at those two pink lines on the pee stick, asking yourself 'Is this really real?' Wondering if this baby will stick, being so afraid to lose what you just found out you have. Looking in the mirror and searching to see in the reflection of the young woman looking back at you... a mother.
Getting used to the idea of being pregnant and becoming a mother can be overwhelming enough, those conflicting feelings of fear and excitement along with stress and confusion make it very attractive to put all your faith and trust in an authority figure who tells you exactly what to do and simply does it to you. Especially for a woman in a patriarchal culture where her compliance and submission is expected the thought of questioning the orders of a highly educated and skilled professional who has seen hundreds of babies born can seem simply foolish.
I am here to let you know that you know more than you think, and to assure you that you are already a super-posh mom! And to implore you to educate yourself so you can be truly confident in agreeing to any treatment or intervention through your pregnancy and birth, and just as confident in declining them. The world wide web has a plethora of information and mis-information to offer, inspiring and frightening stories alike. It can be easy to lose yourself in a pit of despair after reading upsetting things and decide to simply close yourself off from information entirely, especially when friends advise you to do so. Good intentions of course are behind such advice, coming from friends and family is one thing but coming from your care provider is another. It gives me chills when I hear women say their doctors discouraged them from googling, a care provider who truly is objective and has you and your baby's best interests at heart will always encourage your education, awareness and informed involvement.
Whenever a diagnosis is given, a treatment or intervention recommended please google your lovely pregnant fingers off! My personal criteria when looking for information on an issue is at the very least to read from two obstetrical/mainstream sources, two midwifery/holistic sources and at least one personal story. Some might strike fear into my heart, yes. And I might find myself more confused than I was before. But after giving myself some time to reflect and apply reason to the information I've digested has always led me to an answer and/or a list of questions to find answers to which lead me to my ultimate answer. The one that is right for ME. What's right for YOU will be different.
Each woman is on her own journey, it takes a lifetime of triumphs and mistakes. Mistakes that are perfectly fine to make, we do the best we can with the information we have in the moment. It is so easy to look back with regret, and say 'I should have been more prepared, I should have tried harder, I should have could have....why didn't I???' Give yourself grace, recognize appropriate guilt and learn from it and throw unnecessary guilt straight out the window as hard as you can, you are way too posh for that.
Life tends to get pretty real pretty quickly once you are responsible for a new human life, and when things get real eliminating the superflous, especially that which causes undue stress and worry is something you might want to think about. Which brings me to early prenatal testing, the first intervention to your pregnancy you will offered or pressured into.
I don't know what the statistics say, but anecdotally in my experience with personal friends and family early ultrasound scans too often result in misdiagnosis of fetal development problems which can immediately place you in a high-risk category. Even if further testing confirms no problems at all, the stage is set for your pregnancy and your care provider may still classify you as high risk and you may carry that fear through pregnancy and birth and beyond. Those tears you cry at your baby's birth should be primarily of pride and overwhelming joy, not simply relief that your baby is alive with all limbs.
So what is the point of early prenatal testing? Screening for chromosomal abnormalities can put parents minds at ease, having evidence your baby is perfectly healthy is so reassuring and if you get news that your child is missing a genetic marker it can be comforting to have that information to emotionally prepare yourself for a child with special needs. However, parental peace of mind is a by-product of these test results and not the true purpose - which is to limit the care providers liability. Over 90% of parents choose not prepare for a child with special needs, usually the decision to terminate is made and the earlier an abortion the less complicated it is which is the reason behind the rush for further testing when there are worrisome spots seen on a fetal brains. Doctors get sued big-time for failing to give parents this information and option.
Yep, told you things got really real real fast didn't I? The question of terminating a pregnancy in light of evidence of fetal development abnormalities is a reality you'll need to think about and decide where you stand. Along with assessing risk factors reflecting on your personal beliefs regarding human right to life, awareness of people with special needs and the support your community offers along with personal resources available to you will be your best guide in deciding whether to have these tests at all and if you do, determining your action in the case of positive results.
Ultrasound - It's quite the cultural phenomenon that today we are so used to watching life on screen that the images we see visually translate to reality more than the flutters we feel internally inches underneath our own skin. Ultrasound can bring tremendous joy and relief, seeing the pulse of your baby's heartbeat and the shape of a large head and developing body can be so exciting, RadiologyInfo.org offers a basic explanation description of fetal ultrasound and under the category of 'Risk' declares there are no known harmful effect on humans, while under the category of 'Limitations' admits that ultrasound cannot identify all fetal abnormalities and under suspicions of such a pregnant woman may be advised to to undergo more invasive testing such as amniocentesis. The abstract of a study at NCBI also describes ultrasound technology as regarded to be safe to the fetus, while with the same breath says the safety is unknown with the increasing use of the Doppler and modern 3-D and 4-D machines. Another study with the goal of determining practitioner knowledge of the safety of diagnostic ultrasound concluded that the majority were poorly informed. A big fat IDK from me....I feel like ultrasounds are so minimally invasive and carry quite a low risk overall, but concerns about early miscarriage and suspected links to autism made me cautious enough to wait until 20 weeks into my last pregnancy to have an ultrasound scan, knowing my baby (surprise...babies!) was mine to show what it meant to be loved as long as I could no matter what. There is a difference between correlation and causation, keep your eye on continuing research and consider being conservative in what you expose your baby to, an article at Health Gather presents a host of informative links on the risks.
CVS (Choronic Villius Sampling) - the next test to be offered or scheduled after a first early ultrasound that may or may not show something to be concerned about, American Pregnancy describes the nature of this diagnostic test which uses a needle to remove cells from the placenta at 10-13 weeks along in pregnancy. Looking for chromosomal abnormalities and genetic disorders, American Pregnancy claims high levels of accuracy without a measure of severity. Miscarriage is the greatest risk involved with this procedure occurring in 1 out of every hundred tests with a 1% chance of a false positive.
Amniocentesis - Described at WebMD as a test where a needle is inserted through the mother's abdomen into the uterus, taking a sample of amniotic fluid to test for birth defects. This test carries risks of miscarriage, injury to both mother and baby, infection and preterm labor. Dr. Kenneth F. Trofatter explores these risks at Healthline.com.
It's up to you to decide if these tests are worth it, and what you will do with the resulting information. Personal stories have always been the most persuasive to me, and the ones involving the intended birth of a child with health challenges and disabilities are especially moving.
Please search for information, and search your heart. If you feel that burning desire to be a parent...what is at the core of your passion? Is it personal growth that comes with working through the challenges of your life? Exploring your capacity to serve? Finding the ever-expanding boundaries of your giving heart and the depths of which you are willing to learn, being humbled giving your all to another? This is what true parenting is. Your life is REAL. So is the gift of that heart beating in your belly. And most likely it belongs to a perfectly healthy and perfectly beautiful child who is yours to love and care for. Protect them and realistically expect the best!
Other general advice for this time.....it's never too early to start prepping your skin for the impending stretch with natural oils, and since you're probably taking a nosedive on nutrition, drink up as many vitamins as you can in the form of infused teas of nettles and red raspberry leaf.
And take a nap, you're exhausted mama.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Every Mother A Midwife
was Jeannine Parvati Baker's dream.....and is now mine too. What would the world look like if every mother was a midwife, if every mother was a doula? Midwife means to be 'with woman' and the greek meaning of doula is 'woman who serves'. If every woman found and followed her own way to mother, inspiring and supporting others to do the same and if every woman served with a humble heart owning her own experiences and dreams as just that. Able to utilize her burning fire to stoke the flames of others, giving them support and freedom to own their own unique experience and realize their own dreams. What would culture and community reflect through our strength and capability?
Just a little bit high coming off my first DONA International Doula Training Workshop and so inspired by Natasha, my first mama.
We collaborated on a few projects years ago, formed a friendship and are now collaborating on the most exciting project of her young life. To see a couple fall in love and build a family, to see walls shatter under the weight of truth, forgiveness and acceptance fill hearts, to see a father grown and a goddess born. What an honor to be a witness! And she's still a month away from giving birth! I don't know what exactly awaits, only that it is BEAUTIFUL.
The transformation from a girl to a woman will happen in so many more ways than one. Creativity is the core and when purposefully cultivated by her own choosing it is the most fulfilling. If that creative act is carrying and birthing a child, what is it that will make the difference in her birth being beyond physically healthy to emotionally empowering and life-changing?
It's not necessarily her birthplace or the amount of interventions, it's less about how 'natural' or how medically managed her birth was.
Respect, compassion, support, collaboration. Her relationships with the people around her, the words that are said to her, how she is touched, the satisfaction and confidence that comes from being heard and understood. No matter the outcome these are the things that matter when a woman is caring for her baby in those most delicate hours, where really there is more than one birth in the works. These are the things that build a confident mother who selflessly works though the challenges and rightly takes pride in the triumphs.
Essential tools for every life! Every mother a midwife.
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