Hmmm.... Considering all evidence and comparing all arguments in my opinion YES. Yes they are.
Yes, it's hard to hear.
Mutilator? Really you're saying I'm a mutilator?? But I love my son and would never do anything to hurt him! It's just NORMAL to have a boy circumcised, it's a quick and painless procedure right? I mean they did it right there in the hospital so clean and professional and modern, I know my kind doctor would never hurt my baby and the nurse told me he didn't even cry. How can you compare that to the violent and backwards FGM that happens in dirty huts in third world countries? Well after looking into it, male circumcision has much more in common with female circumcision than you would like to think. Starting with.....the cutting of genitals for crying out loud! WHY??
Well isn't it ugly? Aesthetics seems to be the most popular reason for circumsicion, saving boys from the ridicule of 'Gross! Anteater!' and wanting them to look just like daddy when comparing equipment. I hate to have to point out the obvious but sorry, the tip is just that. There are a just a few much more major differences between the genitalia of a toddling male child and a full grown man. Like size. Veins. Hair. Low hanging friends. Just to name a few. If beyond all that your young son happens to notice the difference in the length of foreskin how hard is it to say 'Yeah, back in the old days they used to cut the cap off your captain. Isn't that crazy???'
Fathers, ask yourself honestly. Is it YOU that wants your son to assimilate your penile style or are you really concerned about your son feeling strange left just as he's made? Sorry, being posh means you gotta ask the hard questions. For someone who has a great relationship with her Brazilian wax professional I realize it's bit of a double standard to be so disturbed by the this question of porn-approved good genital looks but when it comes to cutting skin, sorry I cannot relate. As a super-posh friend of mine once said 'If someone told me my vagina would be prettier with my clitoris cut off I'd punch them in the face.' Yeah, I have to agree with her there. And we're not alone.
But won't my son hump my couch and get my pretty pillows all dirty? Probably yes, whether your son is circ'ed or not. Yes, little boys bring their own kind of magic don't they? It's a challenge to teach them that exploring their body is all good, but best in the privacy of their own bed during those boring naps. Don't worry boy, the sheets will wash. You enjoy. Seriously, curbing self-pleasure has been an actual reason cited for circumcision and the sad thing is it works to some degree. Circumcised males are reported to masturbate less than their un-circumcised counterparts. I know it's stomach-wrenching to think of your children as sexual beings but it's the TRUTH of their healthy humanity! Respect that! Let them be, and give them your honest wise guidance to deal with it. A circumcised man will vehemently defend his pleasurable experiences and high sex drive and I have no doubt of his truth. But I also have had sex a time or two and understand that prescious inches of sensitive skin + action = GOOD. The more the better. Don't question or cut off nature's brilliance, for all our sakes.
But won't it protect them from getting AIDS? Yeah, like cutting of my breasts would protect me from getting breast cancer. Do we really want to be that interventionist, cutting off body parts from birth?
What about religions that require the cut? Some Jews are coming around, while Christians who very popularly cut without question need to know what their leader quite clearly said about the practice. Especially for the spiritual person who believes firmly in each unique individuals' right to life, isn't an infants' right to genital integrity just as basic?
But ewww, won't it get dirty and infected? As dirty and infected as a vaginal lips would get if you didn't clean them. Thats right it's the EXACT same thing. We can teach our boys genital health just like we teach our girls.
But really, won't he be made fun of? Circumcision rates are dropping all across America, fastest in California and slowest in Texas but dropping none the less. Yes your son will probably be made fun of for something or other while growing up. Will it be his nose? His haircut? Or his last name? His shoes or his wrong answer in class? And what if he's laughed at for the way his dick hangs? What side will he be on, the cut or the uncut? I know which side my sons will be on....and it's not the one I'd choose if I had a do-over.
My husband and I accepted the cultural norm without question. We learned about the non-reasons for circumcision and the associated risks too late to change hearts and minds. I don't cry at every diaper change or stress they'll grow into less of the men they are meant to be. But, I do have regret for things I did not know and I DO talk to every expectant couple I know and ask the question of whether they want to keep their son intact. I am just as forthright with my children in hopes they will make different decisions for their own sons.
I admit I've only known one thing and it will always be beautiful, welcome, perfect and whole in my eyes. But in short....FULL FORESKIN IS JUST FINE. To illustrate this point (yes this and all puns within this post are fully intended) I leave you with this totally posh gallery of intact men.
Your welcome.
And PLEASE please read through the recent series of excellent articles published in Psychology Today regarding the many myths about circumcision you probably believe, consider the concern over the emotional ramifications of forced genital surgery, realize the reality of the risks and allow yourself to be open to this persuasive Dick Move.
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Sunday, September 11, 2011
if a doula were a drug
"it would be malpractice not to use it."
This strong endorsement of the doulas' influential role by Dr. John Kennell has been widely quoted, as it should be!
If you could do something to help protect yourself and your baby from perinatal complications, to help shorten your labor, lessen your need for anesthetic pain releif, lower your risk for synthetic augmentation and cesarean surgery, increase the chances of your infant not needing NICU time, boost your breastfeeding success and feel a greater sense of self-esteem and satisfaction after your baby's birth and decrease risk for postpartum depression, would you do it?
Why not right?
Who couldn't use a cheerleader, a massage therapist, a friend to talk to, support from someone who's been there, help finding the information you seek, another head to bounce ideas off of, an advocate, a hand to hold, an errand runner, a buffer for your in-laws, compassionate eyes to notice the little things, unconditional encouragement, full attention and empathy. On like, any given Monday I could use all of that. Couldn't you?
During pregnancy, in birth and through postpartum a doula does all these things as she performs her primary task, which is to mother the mother. In turn she elevates the fathers' role as partner by placing importance on his involvement, supporting the entire family. DONA International breaks down the daddy/doula relationship while Birth Activist explains it to the guys in golfing terms. Nicely done!
Find a doula near you through DONA, and if you're near me Get Babied at Austin's doula collective or give GALS a chance to give you labor support. If you need it, you can find a doula for free as new doulas who are working toward certification volunteer their services (raising hand and waving wildly) and most doula collectives have volunteer programs to serve their community.
Whether you feel a birth at home is right, if you want an intervention-free birth in a hospital or an epidural-aided experience with your trusted OB, whether you purposefully plan or suddenly find yourself facing cesarean surgery the processes of pregnancy, labor, birth and newborn bonding are incredibly sensitive and challenging times in your womanly life. These are transitions that will influence your maturation and experiences that will have effect on your lifelong emotional and physical health. The role of a caring female companion for support is ideally filled by family, as it has been historically but modern times gives too many of us distant fragmented relationships in a culture largely ignorant of biological norms in birth and breastfeeding. The need for a mother to be mothered remains and a trained doula by your side can make all the difference in having a birth you feel blissed out over and giving you the best start possible in your new life with your baby.
Do You Doula?
Please click above for a short & sweet video of parents and doulas talking about their roles, expectations, the reality and their refelctions on working together. My favorite comment from the YouTube peanut gallery is this one:
"what impacted their feelings about their birth was how powerful they felt... like they were supported...what they said mattered, those were the things that made their birth a positive or negative" I didn't do natural childbirth and felt isolated from the natural childbirth community, but this resonated with me so much. This video was educational, inspiring, and non- judgmental. It's a must see for all expecting mothers."
Birth as a feminist frontier is nothing new, but we are finally getting to the heart of what elevates a human no matter their sex.
Respect. Support. Autonomy. Freedom. Responsibility.
(Paraphrased from the video ) "In studies of over 45,000 women what they found was that how they felt about the pain in their labor did not impact their feelings about their births. What impacted them was how powerful they felt, whether they felt like they were in control, like they were in the driver's seat, that they were supported, like what they said mattered. Those were the things that mattered and made a difference in whether their birth was positive or negative for them, it's not what we've been taught."
Continuos labor support bridges the gap the usual care provider whether a midwife or obstetrician cannot fill for responsibility of duty to many laboring mothers. A support person who is not clinical in scope but emotional and psychosocial offers a deep level of comfort, satisfaction and safety.
This strong endorsement of the doulas' influential role by Dr. John Kennell has been widely quoted, as it should be!
If you could do something to help protect yourself and your baby from perinatal complications, to help shorten your labor, lessen your need for anesthetic pain releif, lower your risk for synthetic augmentation and cesarean surgery, increase the chances of your infant not needing NICU time, boost your breastfeeding success and feel a greater sense of self-esteem and satisfaction after your baby's birth and decrease risk for postpartum depression, would you do it?
Why not right?
Who couldn't use a cheerleader, a massage therapist, a friend to talk to, support from someone who's been there, help finding the information you seek, another head to bounce ideas off of, an advocate, a hand to hold, an errand runner, a buffer for your in-laws, compassionate eyes to notice the little things, unconditional encouragement, full attention and empathy. On like, any given Monday I could use all of that. Couldn't you?
During pregnancy, in birth and through postpartum a doula does all these things as she performs her primary task, which is to mother the mother. In turn she elevates the fathers' role as partner by placing importance on his involvement, supporting the entire family. DONA International breaks down the daddy/doula relationship while Birth Activist explains it to the guys in golfing terms. Nicely done!
Find a doula near you through DONA, and if you're near me Get Babied at Austin's doula collective or give GALS a chance to give you labor support. If you need it, you can find a doula for free as new doulas who are working toward certification volunteer their services (raising hand and waving wildly) and most doula collectives have volunteer programs to serve their community.
Whether you feel a birth at home is right, if you want an intervention-free birth in a hospital or an epidural-aided experience with your trusted OB, whether you purposefully plan or suddenly find yourself facing cesarean surgery the processes of pregnancy, labor, birth and newborn bonding are incredibly sensitive and challenging times in your womanly life. These are transitions that will influence your maturation and experiences that will have effect on your lifelong emotional and physical health. The role of a caring female companion for support is ideally filled by family, as it has been historically but modern times gives too many of us distant fragmented relationships in a culture largely ignorant of biological norms in birth and breastfeeding. The need for a mother to be mothered remains and a trained doula by your side can make all the difference in having a birth you feel blissed out over and giving you the best start possible in your new life with your baby.
Do You Doula?
Please click above for a short & sweet video of parents and doulas talking about their roles, expectations, the reality and their refelctions on working together. My favorite comment from the YouTube peanut gallery is this one:
"what impacted their feelings about their birth was how powerful they felt... like they were supported...what they said mattered, those were the things that made their birth a positive or negative" I didn't do natural childbirth and felt isolated from the natural childbirth community, but this resonated with me so much. This video was educational, inspiring, and non- judgmental. It's a must see for all expecting mothers."
Birth as a feminist frontier is nothing new, but we are finally getting to the heart of what elevates a human no matter their sex.
Respect. Support. Autonomy. Freedom. Responsibility.
(Paraphrased from the video ) "In studies of over 45,000 women what they found was that how they felt about the pain in their labor did not impact their feelings about their births. What impacted them was how powerful they felt, whether they felt like they were in control, like they were in the driver's seat, that they were supported, like what they said mattered. Those were the things that mattered and made a difference in whether their birth was positive or negative for them, it's not what we've been taught."
Continuos labor support bridges the gap the usual care provider whether a midwife or obstetrician cannot fill for responsibility of duty to many laboring mothers. A support person who is not clinical in scope but emotional and psychosocial offers a deep level of comfort, satisfaction and safety.
Friday, September 9, 2011
How To: Hospital Birth ~ without the epidural
Making the right choice for your birthplace is essential to safety and a successful outcome, being where you feel secure and find the most confidence in your caregivers gives you freedom to do the hard work of labor and birth to the best of your abilities. To give birth for the first time to a beautiful baby girl she calls Olivia, my friend Mica chose a hospital as her birthplace and an OB as her care provider. Despite an epidural being central to the way birth is usually managed in a hospital setting, Mica wanted to give birth without it and she was wildly successful.
I asked her what was important to her about choosing the hospital and care provider she did.
"I used my existing OBGYN, but the reasons I selected her were that she was a female doctor who already had children and experienced birth. Also she was pro vaginal birth using cesaerean only if necessary for mother/baby survival. My OB operated out of a level 5 NICU hospital, which was comforting to me in the case of complications."
It is imperative to choose a care provider who shares your beliefs about birth and who practices in ways you are most comfortable with. There are excellent obstetricians out there who support natural vaginal birth, if that's your goal make it your mission to find one!
And why did you want to birth without analgesic pain releif?
"I am generally anti-drug because they dull your body's response and warning systems. Trying to "push" when you can't feel your muscles is ridiculous in concept and often leads to hemmorhoids and tears because you can't tell when your body should stop."
There are many reasons women are drawn to birthing unmedicated from connecting to 'rite of passage' emotions to practically protecting themselves and their babies physically. Aiming for the most gentle birth possible to maximize my instinctive efforts while minimizing birth injury and trauma was at the top of my list too.
Through your pregnancy how did you prepare for the process of birth?
I drank a lot of red raspberry leaf and blends of pregnancy tea. I also took 5W. I can't say whether these truly prepare the body or if it is a placebo effect, but I did feel like I was actively participating in preparing my body for birth. I also exercised through my pregnancy as much as possible. Side twists and strengthing your core help prepare your body to handle the extra weight of the baby. Kegels help the labial muscles respond to the birth. You would train for any other intense physical activity (Karate tournament or marathon) but people don't train for birth and their bodies aren't ready for that intense physical challenge.
I love how she planned for birth as an intense physical event, prepped her body with nutrition and exercise and prepared her mind at the same time. Consumption of extra vitamins and minerals is only good for you, liberal drinking of Red Raspberry Leaf tea helps tremendously in keeping you hydrated and full of vitamins A, B, C, calcium, iron and alkaloids to strengthen uterine muscles. There is some dissent over the correct way to work the pelvic floor and whether kegels offer benefit beyond sexual function to aid in birth but since learning Tupler's Perfect Pushing Technique I would encourage every woman to explore the relationship between her abdominal and vaginal muscles....duh it's all connected. Yup it's true! Yoga is excellent exercise to strengthen your abdominals, the only ab workout to stay away from through pregnancy and post-partum is the traditional sit-up.
Okay back to Mica.....
So how was it? Was it more difficult that you thought it would be, or easier? What was the most challenging and the easiest part for you?
"I think the birth was actually very easy. The contractions were not bad for me. I counted to 30 through each contraction. Sometimes I lost count. Sometimes I counted to 30 several times. But if youasked me how long the contraction was, I'd say "about 30 seconds." Mentally, I knew I could handle intense feelings as long as it was only for 30 seconds...even though it was a bit longer in reality.
The most difficult part was the actual birth, It doesn't hurt so much as the baby which was moving is now "stuck" and you have to pass it. As a new mom I hadn't experienced that feeling before and I really had to hold my breath and count to ten while pushing. After 4 pushes I was like "Wow I can't do this...the baby just doesn't fit!" but then my dr told me that the baby had already crowned and all I had to do was push once more to get the head out and guess what? I knew I could do one more push. So I did. It's amazing what you can do when you know it's only "one more" time. "
I am always facinated when I hear first-time mothers say 'you know it really was not that bad at all!" Usually those are the mothers who have used Hypnobirthing or taken Bradley classes, preparation really makes a difference! Every woman will react differently to the challenge of labor, for some it's about totally losing themselves and letting go while others like Mica find comfort in clinging to the rationality of numbers, being practical and pragmatic as they KNOW they can do it and just go ahead and DO IT! The mantras she chose of 'knowing she could handle anything for 30 seconds' and knowing she could do anything 'one more time' were so powerful and served her well. Explore yourself as you to prepare for the challenge of birth by reflecting on hard situations you've faced in the past and bravely facing any fears to get a hold on them in advance. Imagine yourself being consistent as you work through difficulty, think about what would encourage you while facing doubt and communicate this to your parter and birth attendants so they are prepared with the right tools to help you through.
So what would you tell another mother with the same goal to encourage her success?
"Well, my doctor said that the best deliveries occur when the mom wants to try vaginal, but accepts that a c-section might be necessary and authorizes the dr to "run the show." If you have your heart set on one course of action, you mentally set yourself up to panic when things don't go to plan. Very few mothers do back-up or risk planning and then they can't enjoy the miracle in process. The goal should be a healthy baby and as a mother, you do whatever means are necessary to ensure that can happen."
As important as it can be to cement your birth desires with preparation and planning, I agree that keeping a certain level of openness to however things play out is important in obtaining an optimum outcome. Life is crazy, and often throws you curve balls. The vast majority of the time spontaneous vaginal birth just happens. When there are special considerations with a mother or baby's health or when there is a disproportionate amount of pain or difficult fetal positioning or extreme fatigue there is a real need and appropriate place for interventions including medicinal pain releif. There is an excellent blend of optimizing conditions to let nature to do her magic and assisting medically when needed, and that is best directed by YOU Posh Mama. As the birthing woman you are in the ultimate position of authority and at some point that may include the decision to allow a birth professional to 'run the show'. This is where the careful vetting of your care provider comes into play. If you have chosen an OB who truly supports you and shares your beliefs about birth you will feel more confidence in agreeing to any interventions recommended and will feel truly supported if YOU end up being the one to request an intervention. It happens, here's the story of an amazingly posh mama who knew something was wrong and that her baby needed surgery to be born.
And if you decide in the moment that you need an epidural after all, there is NO SHAME in doing what you know is best for you! Your reason will be unlike anyone else's, here is the inspiring story of another mother who worked hard against the odds for a hospital VBAC and ended up with an epidural to appease her OB but ultimately triumphed in her successful vaginal birth.
Let's talk a bit more about pain preparation.
The sensations of birth are OVERWHELMING, the first time you feel it get serious you're like 'Are you kidding me, is this for REAL?' It's unbelievable how much power you house internally, dealing with it will be as different as each woman and her experience and expectations are.
A mother I attended as a doula was very confident through her pregnancy about birth, she had read Spiritual Midwifery cover to cover, taken childbirth education classes, had a good understanding of the physiology of birth and was very in touch with her own body. She had witnessed her cats giving birth to their kittens, even assisting in removing membranes off a freshly born feline face and often talked about her pets behavior during birth and imagined herself acting similarly in the throes of contractions. I loved that she had such an instinctive image of birth in her head and encouraged her positive expectations. But when her labor day came and it happened to her own human self, I saw her hit that wall of self-doubt as she verbalized how badly it hurt and that 'she was done with this and wanted an epidural'. I tried my best to be intuitive to her and determine if saying these things felt good to her and was part of her process or if she really was thinking about what it would entail to pack everything up and get to a hospital to actually get an epidural, as she was laboring in a small birthing center. On a hot Austin Friday afternoon the sunlight bounced off the guitars on the walls of the 'Music Room' and she paced back and forth much like a cat, going from the bed to the bathroom to the shower and back, in an out of body state saying she felt like she was on drugs without a pain relieving factor. Yup. It's all very surreal where time and space transcend and it's so overwhelming that in one way you feel like you are watching it all on a movie screen and in other ways you are so IN IT that nothing seems real outside of the churning inside your own body. Hearing her cries as they intensified made me worry that I hadn't done my job, that I had been like the worst doula ever and had not prepared her properly for dealing with birth if it gets truly painful. 'It's her experience, and she's working through it' I reminded myself as I watched her with respect and responded accordingly to her every request which were primarily for counter pressure on her lower back and assistance in and out of the shower. She did work through it, totally rocked it and birthed her baby brilliantly about an hour later.
If we hadn't been in that birthing center, but at a hospital with an eager anesthesiologist standing by would she have really wanted that needle in her back for drugged relief? We'll never know, but I do know that when it was me laboring in a hospital that was all I wanted.
So for the woman who chooses a hospital as her birthplace and is serious about birthing her baby without analgesic, how can she best prep for success?
Prepare by reading, taking classes, learning relaxation techniques, visualizing positive birth scenes, choosing personal mantras and carefully selecting emotional support people. Just your partner? Your partner and your mother or sister? Your whole family and your doula? Whoever they are you will need those who you find calming and comforting, people who love you, who love your baby, who understand how difficult birth can be and who will nurture you through it. Don't be alone! Unless you truly want it that way. For sure don't be surrounded by people who stress you out, make you uncomfortable or irritable. The people around you should be happy to nurture beyond emotionally but physically as well through massage, an incredibly useful tool in relieving pain and increasing natural endorphins.
It's important to understand the basic hospital procedures so you are aware of why it may be difficult for the staff to understand and comply with your wishes. Hospitals are in the business of relieving pain, and when hearing a laboring women getting guttural they are compelled by their practice to offer her relief. Understanding that nurses are truly not trying to sabatoge you but are only doing their job can give you not only compassion for their position but good strategy for communication. By say...hiring a doula! A doula who aims to make as good a friend possible of every nurse who comes on shift, communicating your birth plan and getting everyone on the same page in supporting your goals.
Make sure your care provider respects your rights and won't pull a Kingsdale on you. Talk in detail to your OB as much as you can in in your prenatal appointments to truly secure their support for your birth plan, practice communication and get comfortable with the person you're ultimately trusting with your life and child. Also, understand that even though your OB may agree to forgoing certain standard procedures, this may conflict with hospital policy. Make sure you reconcile these issues and arrange a plan for your OB to communicate with the hospital staff so there are fewer frustrations on the day you give birth. Get as familiar with L&D as you can, touring your hospital more than once and hanging back to try to talk to some of the nurses, getting comfortable with your birthing space and connecting with a potential familiar face.
To obtain an intervention-free birth in a place where interventions are standard procedure a birth plan is essential. Here's my moonshot list of requests for a hospital birth, PhD in Parenting lists 10 excellent questions to ask and The Feminist Breeder explores the roles of power and patriarchy in relation to the birth plan. While you're at it, go ahead and write birth plan A, B & C as recommended by the Prenatal Yoga center to think beyond your dream birth scene and put real thought into all the possibilities (yes even the scariest ones) so you are as prepared as possible.
The desire to birth 'naturally' in a less than natural setting can be a whole lot of work but it has and CAN be done! Seek out and demand the care you want and deserve! Thanks to Mica for sharing what worked for her and best of luck to YOU!
I asked her what was important to her about choosing the hospital and care provider she did.
"I used my existing OBGYN, but the reasons I selected her were that she was a female doctor who already had children and experienced birth. Also she was pro vaginal birth using cesaerean only if necessary for mother/baby survival. My OB operated out of a level 5 NICU hospital, which was comforting to me in the case of complications."
It is imperative to choose a care provider who shares your beliefs about birth and who practices in ways you are most comfortable with. There are excellent obstetricians out there who support natural vaginal birth, if that's your goal make it your mission to find one!
And why did you want to birth without analgesic pain releif?
"I am generally anti-drug because they dull your body's response and warning systems. Trying to "push" when you can't feel your muscles is ridiculous in concept and often leads to hemmorhoids and tears because you can't tell when your body should stop."
There are many reasons women are drawn to birthing unmedicated from connecting to 'rite of passage' emotions to practically protecting themselves and their babies physically. Aiming for the most gentle birth possible to maximize my instinctive efforts while minimizing birth injury and trauma was at the top of my list too.
Through your pregnancy how did you prepare for the process of birth?
I drank a lot of red raspberry leaf and blends of pregnancy tea. I also took 5W. I can't say whether these truly prepare the body or if it is a placebo effect, but I did feel like I was actively participating in preparing my body for birth. I also exercised through my pregnancy as much as possible. Side twists and strengthing your core help prepare your body to handle the extra weight of the baby. Kegels help the labial muscles respond to the birth. You would train for any other intense physical activity (Karate tournament or marathon) but people don't train for birth and their bodies aren't ready for that intense physical challenge.
I love how she planned for birth as an intense physical event, prepped her body with nutrition and exercise and prepared her mind at the same time. Consumption of extra vitamins and minerals is only good for you, liberal drinking of Red Raspberry Leaf tea helps tremendously in keeping you hydrated and full of vitamins A, B, C, calcium, iron and alkaloids to strengthen uterine muscles. There is some dissent over the correct way to work the pelvic floor and whether kegels offer benefit beyond sexual function to aid in birth but since learning Tupler's Perfect Pushing Technique I would encourage every woman to explore the relationship between her abdominal and vaginal muscles....duh it's all connected. Yup it's true! Yoga is excellent exercise to strengthen your abdominals, the only ab workout to stay away from through pregnancy and post-partum is the traditional sit-up.
Okay back to Mica.....
So how was it? Was it more difficult that you thought it would be, or easier? What was the most challenging and the easiest part for you?
"I think the birth was actually very easy. The contractions were not bad for me. I counted to 30 through each contraction. Sometimes I lost count. Sometimes I counted to 30 several times. But if youasked me how long the contraction was, I'd say "about 30 seconds." Mentally, I knew I could handle intense feelings as long as it was only for 30 seconds...even though it was a bit longer in reality.
The most difficult part was the actual birth, It doesn't hurt so much as the baby which was moving is now "stuck" and you have to pass it. As a new mom I hadn't experienced that feeling before and I really had to hold my breath and count to ten while pushing. After 4 pushes I was like "Wow I can't do this...the baby just doesn't fit!" but then my dr told me that the baby had already crowned and all I had to do was push once more to get the head out and guess what? I knew I could do one more push. So I did. It's amazing what you can do when you know it's only "one more" time. "
I am always facinated when I hear first-time mothers say 'you know it really was not that bad at all!" Usually those are the mothers who have used Hypnobirthing or taken Bradley classes, preparation really makes a difference! Every woman will react differently to the challenge of labor, for some it's about totally losing themselves and letting go while others like Mica find comfort in clinging to the rationality of numbers, being practical and pragmatic as they KNOW they can do it and just go ahead and DO IT! The mantras she chose of 'knowing she could handle anything for 30 seconds' and knowing she could do anything 'one more time' were so powerful and served her well. Explore yourself as you to prepare for the challenge of birth by reflecting on hard situations you've faced in the past and bravely facing any fears to get a hold on them in advance. Imagine yourself being consistent as you work through difficulty, think about what would encourage you while facing doubt and communicate this to your parter and birth attendants so they are prepared with the right tools to help you through.
So what would you tell another mother with the same goal to encourage her success?
"Well, my doctor said that the best deliveries occur when the mom wants to try vaginal, but accepts that a c-section might be necessary and authorizes the dr to "run the show." If you have your heart set on one course of action, you mentally set yourself up to panic when things don't go to plan. Very few mothers do back-up or risk planning and then they can't enjoy the miracle in process. The goal should be a healthy baby and as a mother, you do whatever means are necessary to ensure that can happen."
As important as it can be to cement your birth desires with preparation and planning, I agree that keeping a certain level of openness to however things play out is important in obtaining an optimum outcome. Life is crazy, and often throws you curve balls. The vast majority of the time spontaneous vaginal birth just happens. When there are special considerations with a mother or baby's health or when there is a disproportionate amount of pain or difficult fetal positioning or extreme fatigue there is a real need and appropriate place for interventions including medicinal pain releif. There is an excellent blend of optimizing conditions to let nature to do her magic and assisting medically when needed, and that is best directed by YOU Posh Mama. As the birthing woman you are in the ultimate position of authority and at some point that may include the decision to allow a birth professional to 'run the show'. This is where the careful vetting of your care provider comes into play. If you have chosen an OB who truly supports you and shares your beliefs about birth you will feel more confidence in agreeing to any interventions recommended and will feel truly supported if YOU end up being the one to request an intervention. It happens, here's the story of an amazingly posh mama who knew something was wrong and that her baby needed surgery to be born.
And if you decide in the moment that you need an epidural after all, there is NO SHAME in doing what you know is best for you! Your reason will be unlike anyone else's, here is the inspiring story of another mother who worked hard against the odds for a hospital VBAC and ended up with an epidural to appease her OB but ultimately triumphed in her successful vaginal birth.
Let's talk a bit more about pain preparation.
The sensations of birth are OVERWHELMING, the first time you feel it get serious you're like 'Are you kidding me, is this for REAL?' It's unbelievable how much power you house internally, dealing with it will be as different as each woman and her experience and expectations are.
A mother I attended as a doula was very confident through her pregnancy about birth, she had read Spiritual Midwifery cover to cover, taken childbirth education classes, had a good understanding of the physiology of birth and was very in touch with her own body. She had witnessed her cats giving birth to their kittens, even assisting in removing membranes off a freshly born feline face and often talked about her pets behavior during birth and imagined herself acting similarly in the throes of contractions. I loved that she had such an instinctive image of birth in her head and encouraged her positive expectations. But when her labor day came and it happened to her own human self, I saw her hit that wall of self-doubt as she verbalized how badly it hurt and that 'she was done with this and wanted an epidural'. I tried my best to be intuitive to her and determine if saying these things felt good to her and was part of her process or if she really was thinking about what it would entail to pack everything up and get to a hospital to actually get an epidural, as she was laboring in a small birthing center. On a hot Austin Friday afternoon the sunlight bounced off the guitars on the walls of the 'Music Room' and she paced back and forth much like a cat, going from the bed to the bathroom to the shower and back, in an out of body state saying she felt like she was on drugs without a pain relieving factor. Yup. It's all very surreal where time and space transcend and it's so overwhelming that in one way you feel like you are watching it all on a movie screen and in other ways you are so IN IT that nothing seems real outside of the churning inside your own body. Hearing her cries as they intensified made me worry that I hadn't done my job, that I had been like the worst doula ever and had not prepared her properly for dealing with birth if it gets truly painful. 'It's her experience, and she's working through it' I reminded myself as I watched her with respect and responded accordingly to her every request which were primarily for counter pressure on her lower back and assistance in and out of the shower. She did work through it, totally rocked it and birthed her baby brilliantly about an hour later.
If we hadn't been in that birthing center, but at a hospital with an eager anesthesiologist standing by would she have really wanted that needle in her back for drugged relief? We'll never know, but I do know that when it was me laboring in a hospital that was all I wanted.
So for the woman who chooses a hospital as her birthplace and is serious about birthing her baby without analgesic, how can she best prep for success?
Prepare by reading, taking classes, learning relaxation techniques, visualizing positive birth scenes, choosing personal mantras and carefully selecting emotional support people. Just your partner? Your partner and your mother or sister? Your whole family and your doula? Whoever they are you will need those who you find calming and comforting, people who love you, who love your baby, who understand how difficult birth can be and who will nurture you through it. Don't be alone! Unless you truly want it that way. For sure don't be surrounded by people who stress you out, make you uncomfortable or irritable. The people around you should be happy to nurture beyond emotionally but physically as well through massage, an incredibly useful tool in relieving pain and increasing natural endorphins.
It's important to understand the basic hospital procedures so you are aware of why it may be difficult for the staff to understand and comply with your wishes. Hospitals are in the business of relieving pain, and when hearing a laboring women getting guttural they are compelled by their practice to offer her relief. Understanding that nurses are truly not trying to sabatoge you but are only doing their job can give you not only compassion for their position but good strategy for communication. By say...hiring a doula! A doula who aims to make as good a friend possible of every nurse who comes on shift, communicating your birth plan and getting everyone on the same page in supporting your goals.
Make sure your care provider respects your rights and won't pull a Kingsdale on you. Talk in detail to your OB as much as you can in in your prenatal appointments to truly secure their support for your birth plan, practice communication and get comfortable with the person you're ultimately trusting with your life and child. Also, understand that even though your OB may agree to forgoing certain standard procedures, this may conflict with hospital policy. Make sure you reconcile these issues and arrange a plan for your OB to communicate with the hospital staff so there are fewer frustrations on the day you give birth. Get as familiar with L&D as you can, touring your hospital more than once and hanging back to try to talk to some of the nurses, getting comfortable with your birthing space and connecting with a potential familiar face.
To obtain an intervention-free birth in a place where interventions are standard procedure a birth plan is essential. Here's my moonshot list of requests for a hospital birth, PhD in Parenting lists 10 excellent questions to ask and The Feminist Breeder explores the roles of power and patriarchy in relation to the birth plan. While you're at it, go ahead and write birth plan A, B & C as recommended by the Prenatal Yoga center to think beyond your dream birth scene and put real thought into all the possibilities (yes even the scariest ones) so you are as prepared as possible.
The desire to birth 'naturally' in a less than natural setting can be a whole lot of work but it has and CAN be done! Seek out and demand the care you want and deserve! Thanks to Mica for sharing what worked for her and best of luck to YOU!
Monday, September 5, 2011
You're pregnant!
With, like....a BABY! Congratulations! Maybe you've planned and dreamed of this child, or maybe it was a surprise that this human soul chose you. Either way you are POSH, even though I know you might be struggling not to puke. Who decided to call it 'morning sickness' anyway? It can hit at anytime and for some women (like me) can last all day long. To deal, eat what sounds palatable even if that means nothing but hangover food or bland oatmeal. Don't stress too much about your diet right now, after the early nausea fades you might be surprised at how you suddenly crave everything fresh and green and will more than make up for these days of no calories at worst or greasy carb cals at best. Mint or ginger tea, ginger ale, snacking on crackers first thing in the morning and through the day, wearing accupressure bands, taking naps and forcing yourself get a little exercise are some other ways to make it through. Hang in there!
The early weeks and months of a new pregnancy can bring so much emotion, a feeling of disbelief and a compulsion to stare at those two pink lines on the pee stick, asking yourself 'Is this really real?' Wondering if this baby will stick, being so afraid to lose what you just found out you have. Looking in the mirror and searching to see in the reflection of the young woman looking back at you... a mother.
Getting used to the idea of being pregnant and becoming a mother can be overwhelming enough, those conflicting feelings of fear and excitement along with stress and confusion make it very attractive to put all your faith and trust in an authority figure who tells you exactly what to do and simply does it to you. Especially for a woman in a patriarchal culture where her compliance and submission is expected the thought of questioning the orders of a highly educated and skilled professional who has seen hundreds of babies born can seem simply foolish.
I am here to let you know that you know more than you think, and to assure you that you are already a super-posh mom! And to implore you to educate yourself so you can be truly confident in agreeing to any treatment or intervention through your pregnancy and birth, and just as confident in declining them. The world wide web has a plethora of information and mis-information to offer, inspiring and frightening stories alike. It can be easy to lose yourself in a pit of despair after reading upsetting things and decide to simply close yourself off from information entirely, especially when friends advise you to do so. Good intentions of course are behind such advice, coming from friends and family is one thing but coming from your care provider is another. It gives me chills when I hear women say their doctors discouraged them from googling, a care provider who truly is objective and has you and your baby's best interests at heart will always encourage your education, awareness and informed involvement.
Whenever a diagnosis is given, a treatment or intervention recommended please google your lovely pregnant fingers off! My personal criteria when looking for information on an issue is at the very least to read from two obstetrical/mainstream sources, two midwifery/holistic sources and at least one personal story. Some might strike fear into my heart, yes. And I might find myself more confused than I was before. But after giving myself some time to reflect and apply reason to the information I've digested has always led me to an answer and/or a list of questions to find answers to which lead me to my ultimate answer. The one that is right for ME. What's right for YOU will be different.
Each woman is on her own journey, it takes a lifetime of triumphs and mistakes. Mistakes that are perfectly fine to make, we do the best we can with the information we have in the moment. It is so easy to look back with regret, and say 'I should have been more prepared, I should have tried harder, I should have could have....why didn't I???' Give yourself grace, recognize appropriate guilt and learn from it and throw unnecessary guilt straight out the window as hard as you can, you are way too posh for that.
Life tends to get pretty real pretty quickly once you are responsible for a new human life, and when things get real eliminating the superflous, especially that which causes undue stress and worry is something you might want to think about. Which brings me to early prenatal testing, the first intervention to your pregnancy you will offered or pressured into.
I don't know what the statistics say, but anecdotally in my experience with personal friends and family early ultrasound scans too often result in misdiagnosis of fetal development problems which can immediately place you in a high-risk category. Even if further testing confirms no problems at all, the stage is set for your pregnancy and your care provider may still classify you as high risk and you may carry that fear through pregnancy and birth and beyond. Those tears you cry at your baby's birth should be primarily of pride and overwhelming joy, not simply relief that your baby is alive with all limbs.
So what is the point of early prenatal testing? Screening for chromosomal abnormalities can put parents minds at ease, having evidence your baby is perfectly healthy is so reassuring and if you get news that your child is missing a genetic marker it can be comforting to have that information to emotionally prepare yourself for a child with special needs. However, parental peace of mind is a by-product of these test results and not the true purpose - which is to limit the care providers liability. Over 90% of parents choose not prepare for a child with special needs, usually the decision to terminate is made and the earlier an abortion the less complicated it is which is the reason behind the rush for further testing when there are worrisome spots seen on a fetal brains. Doctors get sued big-time for failing to give parents this information and option.
Yep, told you things got really real real fast didn't I? The question of terminating a pregnancy in light of evidence of fetal development abnormalities is a reality you'll need to think about and decide where you stand. Along with assessing risk factors reflecting on your personal beliefs regarding human right to life, awareness of people with special needs and the support your community offers along with personal resources available to you will be your best guide in deciding whether to have these tests at all and if you do, determining your action in the case of positive results.
Ultrasound - It's quite the cultural phenomenon that today we are so used to watching life on screen that the images we see visually translate to reality more than the flutters we feel internally inches underneath our own skin. Ultrasound can bring tremendous joy and relief, seeing the pulse of your baby's heartbeat and the shape of a large head and developing body can be so exciting, RadiologyInfo.org offers a basic explanation description of fetal ultrasound and under the category of 'Risk' declares there are no known harmful effect on humans, while under the category of 'Limitations' admits that ultrasound cannot identify all fetal abnormalities and under suspicions of such a pregnant woman may be advised to to undergo more invasive testing such as amniocentesis. The abstract of a study at NCBI also describes ultrasound technology as regarded to be safe to the fetus, while with the same breath says the safety is unknown with the increasing use of the Doppler and modern 3-D and 4-D machines. Another study with the goal of determining practitioner knowledge of the safety of diagnostic ultrasound concluded that the majority were poorly informed. A big fat IDK from me....I feel like ultrasounds are so minimally invasive and carry quite a low risk overall, but concerns about early miscarriage and suspected links to autism made me cautious enough to wait until 20 weeks into my last pregnancy to have an ultrasound scan, knowing my baby (surprise...babies!) was mine to show what it meant to be loved as long as I could no matter what. There is a difference between correlation and causation, keep your eye on continuing research and consider being conservative in what you expose your baby to, an article at Health Gather presents a host of informative links on the risks.
CVS (Choronic Villius Sampling) - the next test to be offered or scheduled after a first early ultrasound that may or may not show something to be concerned about, American Pregnancy describes the nature of this diagnostic test which uses a needle to remove cells from the placenta at 10-13 weeks along in pregnancy. Looking for chromosomal abnormalities and genetic disorders, American Pregnancy claims high levels of accuracy without a measure of severity. Miscarriage is the greatest risk involved with this procedure occurring in 1 out of every hundred tests with a 1% chance of a false positive.
Amniocentesis - Described at WebMD as a test where a needle is inserted through the mother's abdomen into the uterus, taking a sample of amniotic fluid to test for birth defects. This test carries risks of miscarriage, injury to both mother and baby, infection and preterm labor. Dr. Kenneth F. Trofatter explores these risks at Healthline.com.
It's up to you to decide if these tests are worth it, and what you will do with the resulting information. Personal stories have always been the most persuasive to me, and the ones involving the intended birth of a child with health challenges and disabilities are especially moving.
Please search for information, and search your heart. If you feel that burning desire to be a parent...what is at the core of your passion? Is it personal growth that comes with working through the challenges of your life? Exploring your capacity to serve? Finding the ever-expanding boundaries of your giving heart and the depths of which you are willing to learn, being humbled giving your all to another? This is what true parenting is. Your life is REAL. So is the gift of that heart beating in your belly. And most likely it belongs to a perfectly healthy and perfectly beautiful child who is yours to love and care for. Protect them and realistically expect the best!
Other general advice for this time.....it's never too early to start prepping your skin for the impending stretch with natural oils, and since you're probably taking a nosedive on nutrition, drink up as many vitamins as you can in the form of infused teas of nettles and red raspberry leaf.
And take a nap, you're exhausted mama.
The early weeks and months of a new pregnancy can bring so much emotion, a feeling of disbelief and a compulsion to stare at those two pink lines on the pee stick, asking yourself 'Is this really real?' Wondering if this baby will stick, being so afraid to lose what you just found out you have. Looking in the mirror and searching to see in the reflection of the young woman looking back at you... a mother.
Getting used to the idea of being pregnant and becoming a mother can be overwhelming enough, those conflicting feelings of fear and excitement along with stress and confusion make it very attractive to put all your faith and trust in an authority figure who tells you exactly what to do and simply does it to you. Especially for a woman in a patriarchal culture where her compliance and submission is expected the thought of questioning the orders of a highly educated and skilled professional who has seen hundreds of babies born can seem simply foolish.
I am here to let you know that you know more than you think, and to assure you that you are already a super-posh mom! And to implore you to educate yourself so you can be truly confident in agreeing to any treatment or intervention through your pregnancy and birth, and just as confident in declining them. The world wide web has a plethora of information and mis-information to offer, inspiring and frightening stories alike. It can be easy to lose yourself in a pit of despair after reading upsetting things and decide to simply close yourself off from information entirely, especially when friends advise you to do so. Good intentions of course are behind such advice, coming from friends and family is one thing but coming from your care provider is another. It gives me chills when I hear women say their doctors discouraged them from googling, a care provider who truly is objective and has you and your baby's best interests at heart will always encourage your education, awareness and informed involvement.
Whenever a diagnosis is given, a treatment or intervention recommended please google your lovely pregnant fingers off! My personal criteria when looking for information on an issue is at the very least to read from two obstetrical/mainstream sources, two midwifery/holistic sources and at least one personal story. Some might strike fear into my heart, yes. And I might find myself more confused than I was before. But after giving myself some time to reflect and apply reason to the information I've digested has always led me to an answer and/or a list of questions to find answers to which lead me to my ultimate answer. The one that is right for ME. What's right for YOU will be different.
Each woman is on her own journey, it takes a lifetime of triumphs and mistakes. Mistakes that are perfectly fine to make, we do the best we can with the information we have in the moment. It is so easy to look back with regret, and say 'I should have been more prepared, I should have tried harder, I should have could have....why didn't I???' Give yourself grace, recognize appropriate guilt and learn from it and throw unnecessary guilt straight out the window as hard as you can, you are way too posh for that.
Life tends to get pretty real pretty quickly once you are responsible for a new human life, and when things get real eliminating the superflous, especially that which causes undue stress and worry is something you might want to think about. Which brings me to early prenatal testing, the first intervention to your pregnancy you will offered or pressured into.
I don't know what the statistics say, but anecdotally in my experience with personal friends and family early ultrasound scans too often result in misdiagnosis of fetal development problems which can immediately place you in a high-risk category. Even if further testing confirms no problems at all, the stage is set for your pregnancy and your care provider may still classify you as high risk and you may carry that fear through pregnancy and birth and beyond. Those tears you cry at your baby's birth should be primarily of pride and overwhelming joy, not simply relief that your baby is alive with all limbs.
So what is the point of early prenatal testing? Screening for chromosomal abnormalities can put parents minds at ease, having evidence your baby is perfectly healthy is so reassuring and if you get news that your child is missing a genetic marker it can be comforting to have that information to emotionally prepare yourself for a child with special needs. However, parental peace of mind is a by-product of these test results and not the true purpose - which is to limit the care providers liability. Over 90% of parents choose not prepare for a child with special needs, usually the decision to terminate is made and the earlier an abortion the less complicated it is which is the reason behind the rush for further testing when there are worrisome spots seen on a fetal brains. Doctors get sued big-time for failing to give parents this information and option.
Yep, told you things got really real real fast didn't I? The question of terminating a pregnancy in light of evidence of fetal development abnormalities is a reality you'll need to think about and decide where you stand. Along with assessing risk factors reflecting on your personal beliefs regarding human right to life, awareness of people with special needs and the support your community offers along with personal resources available to you will be your best guide in deciding whether to have these tests at all and if you do, determining your action in the case of positive results.
Ultrasound - It's quite the cultural phenomenon that today we are so used to watching life on screen that the images we see visually translate to reality more than the flutters we feel internally inches underneath our own skin. Ultrasound can bring tremendous joy and relief, seeing the pulse of your baby's heartbeat and the shape of a large head and developing body can be so exciting, RadiologyInfo.org offers a basic explanation description of fetal ultrasound and under the category of 'Risk' declares there are no known harmful effect on humans, while under the category of 'Limitations' admits that ultrasound cannot identify all fetal abnormalities and under suspicions of such a pregnant woman may be advised to to undergo more invasive testing such as amniocentesis. The abstract of a study at NCBI also describes ultrasound technology as regarded to be safe to the fetus, while with the same breath says the safety is unknown with the increasing use of the Doppler and modern 3-D and 4-D machines. Another study with the goal of determining practitioner knowledge of the safety of diagnostic ultrasound concluded that the majority were poorly informed. A big fat IDK from me....I feel like ultrasounds are so minimally invasive and carry quite a low risk overall, but concerns about early miscarriage and suspected links to autism made me cautious enough to wait until 20 weeks into my last pregnancy to have an ultrasound scan, knowing my baby (surprise...babies!) was mine to show what it meant to be loved as long as I could no matter what. There is a difference between correlation and causation, keep your eye on continuing research and consider being conservative in what you expose your baby to, an article at Health Gather presents a host of informative links on the risks.
CVS (Choronic Villius Sampling) - the next test to be offered or scheduled after a first early ultrasound that may or may not show something to be concerned about, American Pregnancy describes the nature of this diagnostic test which uses a needle to remove cells from the placenta at 10-13 weeks along in pregnancy. Looking for chromosomal abnormalities and genetic disorders, American Pregnancy claims high levels of accuracy without a measure of severity. Miscarriage is the greatest risk involved with this procedure occurring in 1 out of every hundred tests with a 1% chance of a false positive.
Amniocentesis - Described at WebMD as a test where a needle is inserted through the mother's abdomen into the uterus, taking a sample of amniotic fluid to test for birth defects. This test carries risks of miscarriage, injury to both mother and baby, infection and preterm labor. Dr. Kenneth F. Trofatter explores these risks at Healthline.com.
It's up to you to decide if these tests are worth it, and what you will do with the resulting information. Personal stories have always been the most persuasive to me, and the ones involving the intended birth of a child with health challenges and disabilities are especially moving.
Please search for information, and search your heart. If you feel that burning desire to be a parent...what is at the core of your passion? Is it personal growth that comes with working through the challenges of your life? Exploring your capacity to serve? Finding the ever-expanding boundaries of your giving heart and the depths of which you are willing to learn, being humbled giving your all to another? This is what true parenting is. Your life is REAL. So is the gift of that heart beating in your belly. And most likely it belongs to a perfectly healthy and perfectly beautiful child who is yours to love and care for. Protect them and realistically expect the best!
Other general advice for this time.....it's never too early to start prepping your skin for the impending stretch with natural oils, and since you're probably taking a nosedive on nutrition, drink up as many vitamins as you can in the form of infused teas of nettles and red raspberry leaf.
And take a nap, you're exhausted mama.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Every Mother A Midwife
was Jeannine Parvati Baker's dream.....and is now mine too. What would the world look like if every mother was a midwife, if every mother was a doula? Midwife means to be 'with woman' and the greek meaning of doula is 'woman who serves'. If every woman found and followed her own way to mother, inspiring and supporting others to do the same and if every woman served with a humble heart owning her own experiences and dreams as just that. Able to utilize her burning fire to stoke the flames of others, giving them support and freedom to own their own unique experience and realize their own dreams. What would culture and community reflect through our strength and capability?
Just a little bit high coming off my first DONA International Doula Training Workshop and so inspired by Natasha, my first mama.
We collaborated on a few projects years ago, formed a friendship and are now collaborating on the most exciting project of her young life. To see a couple fall in love and build a family, to see walls shatter under the weight of truth, forgiveness and acceptance fill hearts, to see a father grown and a goddess born. What an honor to be a witness! And she's still a month away from giving birth! I don't know what exactly awaits, only that it is BEAUTIFUL.
The transformation from a girl to a woman will happen in so many more ways than one. Creativity is the core and when purposefully cultivated by her own choosing it is the most fulfilling. If that creative act is carrying and birthing a child, what is it that will make the difference in her birth being beyond physically healthy to emotionally empowering and life-changing?
It's not necessarily her birthplace or the amount of interventions, it's less about how 'natural' or how medically managed her birth was.
Respect, compassion, support, collaboration. Her relationships with the people around her, the words that are said to her, how she is touched, the satisfaction and confidence that comes from being heard and understood. No matter the outcome these are the things that matter when a woman is caring for her baby in those most delicate hours, where really there is more than one birth in the works. These are the things that build a confident mother who selflessly works though the challenges and rightly takes pride in the triumphs.
Essential tools for every life! Every mother a midwife.
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Cervical Checks
Are best done regularly by the owner of the cervix, long before she's pregnant and about to give birth. Did you know there is a natural method of fertility awareness that allows you to consciously control pregnancy and facilitate conception? One that requires no risk of synthetic hormones from a pill or shot, t-shaped contraptions forced internally, no jellies, foams or diaphragms to insert, no condoms, not even basal body temperatures or charts or woman calendar iPhone apps needed either, though journaling and using prophylactics is smart during the learning curve. All it takes is about 3 seconds a day of employing your senses and using your brain to learn your body. Your longest clean finger will find your cervix easiest, a daily check will reveal it's changes through your cycle from feeling firm like your nose (meaning not fertile) to soft and more open like your lips around ovulation when fertility is high. Along with noting the physical feeling of your cervix through touch, check out it's changing fluid with sight, scent and taste to interpret it's messages.
"Know thy mucus as thyself" says Jeannine Parvati Baker. Super wet, slippery and sweet makes a pretty good match for seminal fluid and assists the soldiers on their journey. If pregnancy is desired, enjoy letting nature take it's course! Otherwise, be creative in abstaining from the one and only act in this world that creates new human life until your cervix and it's secretions tell you it's closed to new souls. The smart man who goes beyond loving his woman to learning her can employ his own senses as well and be a responsible partner in consciously conceiving, or not.
If a human life has been created and gestated to near completion you may be led to believe that it's necessary for a professional to assess the state of your cervix. I'm here to tell you that's just not so!
Do not be intimidated by protocol and know that it is perfectly fine to graciously decline a standard cervical check from a care provider at any time in your pregnancy and labor if you feel safer waiting for evidence-based reasons to do so. Towards the end of your pregnancy you'll likely be curious to know if your cervix has begun to dilate, promising your baby's birth is near. The ideal scenario is already having intimate knowledge of your cervix and being able to find this information out for yourself as you are much more likely to be gentle, limiting discomfort and exposure to infection, not to mention you're the expert and will know how different things feel. Is the opening to your womb feeling wider, stretching over a tiny head? Sweet!! Is there really a need to determine centimeters when the main message is that your baby is making it's way through your body, and will be in your arms sooner or later?
There's been a pretty exact science developed to assess dilation and effacement of a cervix, but the problem is that each unique woman is less of an exact science and we don't fit into small boxes with narrow definitions so well. It would be nice if we were all so predictable as the Friedman Curve would like us to be, but it seems we are not and there are many who believe cervical checks create expectations that can do more harm than good during labor. This was my experience with my first baby, being told I was only at 2 centimeters for hours and hours was so demoralizing, and being told to fight against my urge to push because I was not dilated enough was the most impossible and painful game of futile resistance I've ever played in my life. It can work the other way too though, with my second baby it was so encouraging to be checked and told I was at 6cm, and things continued to progress quickly after that.
The point is that it's your personal choice, one you should really think about before just letting someone arbitrarily exam you. To help, here are a few more links to information on the risks of vaginal exams and cervical checks, how they can affect the progress of your labor and the health of you and your baby.
I was excited to learn about this extremely cool way to externally check for dilation during active labor by counting fingers able to fit under the breastbone.
To learn more about Concious Conception, read Jeaninne & Rico's gem of a book.
And for education & fun, vist The Beautiful Cervix Project.
"Know thy mucus as thyself" says Jeannine Parvati Baker. Super wet, slippery and sweet makes a pretty good match for seminal fluid and assists the soldiers on their journey. If pregnancy is desired, enjoy letting nature take it's course! Otherwise, be creative in abstaining from the one and only act in this world that creates new human life until your cervix and it's secretions tell you it's closed to new souls. The smart man who goes beyond loving his woman to learning her can employ his own senses as well and be a responsible partner in consciously conceiving, or not.
If a human life has been created and gestated to near completion you may be led to believe that it's necessary for a professional to assess the state of your cervix. I'm here to tell you that's just not so!
Do not be intimidated by protocol and know that it is perfectly fine to graciously decline a standard cervical check from a care provider at any time in your pregnancy and labor if you feel safer waiting for evidence-based reasons to do so. Towards the end of your pregnancy you'll likely be curious to know if your cervix has begun to dilate, promising your baby's birth is near. The ideal scenario is already having intimate knowledge of your cervix and being able to find this information out for yourself as you are much more likely to be gentle, limiting discomfort and exposure to infection, not to mention you're the expert and will know how different things feel. Is the opening to your womb feeling wider, stretching over a tiny head? Sweet!! Is there really a need to determine centimeters when the main message is that your baby is making it's way through your body, and will be in your arms sooner or later?
There's been a pretty exact science developed to assess dilation and effacement of a cervix, but the problem is that each unique woman is less of an exact science and we don't fit into small boxes with narrow definitions so well. It would be nice if we were all so predictable as the Friedman Curve would like us to be, but it seems we are not and there are many who believe cervical checks create expectations that can do more harm than good during labor. This was my experience with my first baby, being told I was only at 2 centimeters for hours and hours was so demoralizing, and being told to fight against my urge to push because I was not dilated enough was the most impossible and painful game of futile resistance I've ever played in my life. It can work the other way too though, with my second baby it was so encouraging to be checked and told I was at 6cm, and things continued to progress quickly after that.
The point is that it's your personal choice, one you should really think about before just letting someone arbitrarily exam you. To help, here are a few more links to information on the risks of vaginal exams and cervical checks, how they can affect the progress of your labor and the health of you and your baby.
I was excited to learn about this extremely cool way to externally check for dilation during active labor by counting fingers able to fit under the breastbone.
To learn more about Concious Conception, read Jeaninne & Rico's gem of a book.
And for education & fun, vist The Beautiful Cervix Project.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
My Twin Homebirth Story
Travis & Harris were born on May 11, 2010 at home at 41 weeks and 3 days. It had been a wonderful pregnancy, but it was seriously time for birth. I had been having mild contractions off and on for about the last week, feeling my body right on the edge and knowing our boys were about ready to be born. Every morning, waking up pregnant again was starting to wear on me physically and emotionally– especially since all our friends and family were waiting so excitedly, and of course multiples so often come early or are induced. We had been thrilled to be past 36 weeks, which meant we were clear to go ahead with our plans to have the babies at home with our midwife. I always knew I was going to carry the boys full-term, but was surprised to see their due date come…….and go.
We were feeling pressure to try induction to get things moving, especially after a nerve-wracking appointment with our perinatologist. He had been telling me from the get-go that there was no way my uterus could handle much more than 10 pounds of baby and I would likely end up in the hospital with preemies, and that birthing my baby B vaginally in his breech position would be impossible without a manual breech extraction. At that appointment the day before they were born he ran through a host of frightening ‘risks’ and recommended we get to a hospital and get the babies out by whatever means necessary. I was grateful for the information about my sons that his practice provided through their ultrasound services but I fully understood that his medical point of view was just that, as he had never attended a mother in natural labor and never witnessed a normal, unmanaged and unhindered birth. I had done thorough research throughout my pregnancy on every potential risk and method of response, looked to God and hard into my own heart and only became more confident in the truth. And in the practice of midwifery.
At 41 weeks and 2 days though……with him giving my husband intimidating ‘are you crazy???’ looks, it began to get stressful and brought my husband and I to a hard place. I wanted to wait at least until 42 weeks to the day, but agreed with my husband and midwife to go ahead and tentatively plan for induction at home by way of membrane sweeping, castor oil and herbal tinctures for 2 days out. While I was more comfortable with that as opposed to going to the hospital for a bag of pitocin, it still felt so incredibly wrong to me. I knew that the best way to have my boys born safely, whole and healthy was to rely on my own body and mind and allow for a spontaneous natural labor to begin. Especially with twins and especially with my second baby breech, the risk of starting a false labor that could lead to a non-progressive labor that could put my second son’s life in danger was my biggest worry. These boys NEEDED to be born!
Our whole family turned to prayer, I interceded every way I knew how while my husband took a four-wheeler ride up to the top of our property and wrestled with his own emotions and worries, giving them up to God. He put the kids to bed that night and told me of the way our four-year-old daughter prayed for the boys to be born, asking Jesus to keep them and her mommy safe.
And the next day…..at 4am I began to feel stronger and more regular contractions than I had been feeling for the past week, which had been erratic and mixed with sensationless Braxton Hicks. I waited a few hours until 6am when I was sure they were intensifying and getting closer together to call my midwife and my mom to excitedly tell them ‘I’m in labor!!’
My mom started sending mass emails to everyone she had praying for us, and my in-laws did the same when my husband let them know things had started for sure. We got in the shower and hugged and kissed through the contractions – we were both SO excited and feeling so grateful that this day was finally here and we were about to meet our sons! He dressed in jeans and his ‘birth shirt’, the same white button-front he had worn at the births of our daughter and son, and his Opa’s old Rolex that he had timed their contractions by. I was feeling the same orange cotton bra I had worn the day before, and nothing else.
My midwife and her apprentice arrived at about 7:30, and the other midwives came shortly afterwards, making a team of five. The three Certified Nurse Midwives (Julia, GB, Kristie) and two apprentices (Nina & Kate) were busy setting out all their supplies and readying the room, while I worked through the labor that was getting really intense very quickly. Our nanny arrived around 8 to take care of our older children; we kissed them and said ‘your brothers will be born soon, better start working on their birthday cake!’ So Angie kept them busy baking and playing for the morning. Though I heard that MaryJane refused to leave the house to go outside, wanting to hear as much as she could, worried about some of the odd noises I was making. Her Daddy promised her I was fine, told her not to worry and she’d be meeting her first new brother soon.
I had planned on laboring in the tub and birthing the first baby in water, but we wanted to collect their cord blood to bank and with the second baby breech there was just a lot going on and my midwife felt more comfortable having more access to me, so she recommended setting up a birthing stool off the edge of our bed. I had never seen one before but as soon as I laid eyes on it I wanted to sit on it and let this baby come! He had been descending quickly and I was ready with my husband to my right and Kristie to my left for support. It wasn’t long before my baby’s head appeared; I reached down to feel him and loved feeling his thick dark hair. Another contraction and Travis’ head was fully born, after that his whole 8 pound 8 ounce body shot out like a rocket at 8:41!
He was perfect, we were overjoyed and it felt so good to take him right into my arms. Things slowed down and relaxed as we kissed, talked, laughed and held him. I was so excited and happy to see that sweet face I had felt nuzzling the inside of my lower right belly for so long. It turned out that his face had actually been quite smashed against me and had flattened his nose, left ear and left eye but in my blissed-out state I only saw complete perfection in him.
We wanted to be patient to allow my body and second baby adjust to the new room inside, the midwives held me and massaged my belly a little to help. I watched Julia and Nina take Travis to wipe him down and swaddle him, while I felt the urge to lay down on the bed to rest. My husband laid with me, and it wasn’t long before I had Travis back in my arms and put him to my breast. He was a fabulous eater right away, and had quite a persuasive way with my uterus, which began to contract again, moving his brother down. We called in MaryJane and Van in to meet Travis, MJ especially was so excited and declared him ‘the cutest little baby ever’. It was really grounding to see them and see their sweet reaction to their new brother. MaryJane had picked out two rubber duckies as gifts for the boys, brought in the one for Travis and set it on my chest so he could see it as he nursed – so sweet! We told them that Harrison was on his way and we’d call them in again to meet him soon. Over the next two hours we continued to nurse off and on, and tried a few different positions as things ramped up again.
I had been so curious through my pregnancy as to what it would be like waiting for my second baby……how much time would pass between their births? I really hoped to have some good time with Travis, to nurse him and get to know him. Julia had talked about how useful he could be in getting labor going again so while it was part of the plan, experiencing it was a wonderful surprise. I was so proud of him to be playing such an important part in his little brother’s birth and the process of the three of us working together was confirmation of what I knew to be the truth about birth. That a mother’s body and her baby’s body are designed to work in perfect harmony, and yes even with multiples! Her body wants to birth and her babies want to be born. Un-medicated and unforced, as long as a mother is willing, intuitive and calm, her babies will be born well. Being birth-educated and supported by the right people (even if that is only your husband or yourself!) can only help.
I was so incredibly grateful to be attended by the group of intuitive women around me. The mood was so joyful and expectant. I was so happy and smiling at each of them so much, receiving their kind smiles back and getting enthusiastic encouragement of how well my babies and I were doing was exactly what I needed. They were so in tune all three of us, knowing just what I was feeling by how I was behaving, gently offering me sips of water, massage, and pillows for support before I even knew I needed them. It’s a great thing to see people who love their work. I appreciated how skillfully they worked around us, monitoring the baby still in my belly, the baby in my arms and myself while communicating with each other in soft whispers, allowing me peace to get totally into my primal state. Which I was – completely letting myself go and getting in it….in it to win it! During my last birth with my now two-year-old son I had breathed quite silently and deeply all through it and this time while birthing Travis I had learned that quick shallow panting sort of like a thirsty dog felt really good during the stage where the baby was moving down. His birth was a perfect warm-up for birthing Harrison, as it was all so fresh in my mind. Too bad I was panting straight into my handsome husband’s face and was told later I had forgotten to brush my teeth….oh well.
So things started getting really heavy, Kate took Travis so I could really concentrate on the pushing I was about to do. I was in sort of a standing position, with my butt on the edge of the bed, leaning back on my husband behind me with my feet propped up on the birthing stool. I have never forgotten a birth video my doula had shown me years ago when I was preparing for my first birth with my daughter. It showed a Brazilian woman who was birthing twin sons, and her second baby was breech. She stood there like a queen…supported only by her own two feet and silently brought her baby into the world feet-first with a smile on her face. At the time seeing one little baby leg slip out and hang down between her Amazonian legs completely bent my mind. I thought it was the most insane thing I’d ever seen. And now five years later that scene seemed completely normal, she had become my muse of the last few months and the moment was here…my time to shine and become her as best as I possibly could.
I relaxed and waited for a contraction, worked with it and was rewarded with excited gasps from everyone as one little foot emerged. Cameras flashed and Harrison thought twice and drew that foot back inside, which made everyone laugh again. Then he showed us both of his fat little feet. Another contraction and he was born to the waist, another and his body was born and his little arms slipped out. He did so beautifully through his whole birth, his heart rate stayed steady as his body dangled from me, supported gently by Julia as his head remained inside. So this was the one, the clock was now ticking and they were telling me I needed to work with this next contraction like I have never worked before and push my baby out. The semi-reclining standing position had worked well as my midwife had theorized to help his head ease under my pubic bone, but now that his head was there it wasn’t feeling right anymore and I wanted to be more upright and leaning a bit forward. They helped me into that position and I waited for that contraction and wasn’t feeling it. I could feel the tension in the room building, but I had read many birth stories and commentary from obstetricians and midwives in the UK where they do many successful ‘hands off’ breech births and knew they had a standard of up to 10 minutes to allow for cord compression. It had only been a few minutes for us and his heart tones were still steady so I was not fearful, and filled only with faith and expectation. That contraction came and I dug as deep as I could, closed my eyes and envisioned graphically what was happening. I saw my body easily opening wide to expose a little chin then chubby cheeks and round sweet eyes like my daughters. And then my final prize…the very top of his perfect hairy head. That little head I had patted and massaged and watched poke up at me from the top of my belly for months. I imagined planting a big sweet kiss right on top and with that…he was born! All 8 pounds and 15 fat ounces of him at 10:50am.
Julia laid him on the floor and told me to get down on all fours on the floor too. While his heart was still beating and his cord still pulsing, he was not breathing on his own yet. Resuscitation is a skill midwives are used to using, more often for breech babies so it was something we were all expecting might be needed. Julia was giving him mouth to mouth and massaging his body roughly. I was calm and silent, watching quite stupidly until they began encouraging me to talk to my baby. I began calling him by his name, stroking him and telling him what a good strong boy he was and how proud I was of him. William was panicking a bit, saying ‘Breathe boy breathe!’ and I told him ‘Don’t worry babe, he’s fine, he’ll breathe!’ It seemed less than a minute before he was breathing gurgling breaths and was placed safely in my arms. Ecstatic joy from everyone and a few tears from my husband followed. We had both of our sons, live, healthy and perfect – the weight of the world was off his shoulders, and off my belly. The relief and gratitude we felt was overwhelming.
Two more births still lay ahead of me….which ended up being only one as the boys placentas were fused together and both came out with one contraction, which was nice. My midwife cleaned me up and began to check me over; I was thrilled to hear her say I needed no stitches! Minimizing the risk of injury during birth was really the reason I had initially become interested in active natural birth and I was so pleased to be walking away intact, with two perfectly intact and unharmed infants.
Harrison was having a harder time nursing due to his tougher arrival, so I continued to nurse Travis while the midwives helped Harrison get his reflexes going. By this time we were fairly cleaned up and our older kids were back with us, checking out their new brothers. I had gifts for them from the boys, Van seemed really happy about the twins but was REALLY excited about his new trains. MJ got a little doll that she loved but she was way more interested in the two real live dolls in front of her, fascinated by watching GB work her finger in Harrison’s mouth, finding his ‘sweet spot’.
Looking around at our family of six felt so dreamlike, experiencing the birth of our latest members all together in such a normal setting made it an extra precious event that I will be forever grateful for.
SO grateful for our beautiful new sons!
SO grateful I sought out and considered differing opinions, did my own research, made my own decisions, took responsibility and birthed in the way and place I knew was safest for us.
SO grateful I chose reason and faith over irrational worry and fear.
SO grateful I allowed our boys to grow so big and healthy, and be born when they and my body were truly ready.
SO grateful for those last frustrating days of waiting for them, each day something happened within our family to prepare us for the boys in ways we didn’t even know we needed.
SO grateful to the friends and family who encouraged and truly supported us.
You know who you are!
SO grateful for the strong decisive man I married……
who decided to trust and stand by his wife!
SO grateful to live in the blessed state of Texas, where midwife attended homebirth is legal for multiples and breech babies. YEE-HAW!!!
This pregnancy and birth was a spiritual lesson and experience for me, so most of all I am grateful to the Divine Intelligence of the Creator who made this body of mine so full of energy, elasticity, and strength to love. God is SO good, I am beyond grateful for His promises, protection and to walk in His grace.
"Can it be that the Creator intended to draw mothers nearest to Himself at the moment of love's fulfillment?" – Grantly Dick-Read
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