Cervical Checks

Are best done regularly by the owner of the cervix, long before she's pregnant and about to give birth. Did you know there is a natural method of fertility awareness that allows you to consciously control pregnancy and facilitate conception? One that requires no risk of synthetic hormones from a pill or shot, t-shaped contraptions forced internally, no jellies, foams or diaphragms to insert, no condoms, not even basal body temperatures or charts or woman calendar iPhone apps needed either, though journaling and using prophylactics is smart during the learning curve. All it takes is about 3 seconds a day of employing your senses and using your brain to learn your body. Your longest clean finger will find your cervix easiest, a daily check will reveal it's changes through your cycle from feeling firm like your nose (meaning not fertile) to soft and more open like your lips around ovulation when fertility is high. Along with noting the physical feeling of your cervix through touch, check out it's changing fluid with sight, scent and taste to interpret it's messages.

"Know thy mucus as thyself" says Jeannine Parvati Baker. Super wet, slippery and sweet makes a pretty good match for seminal fluid and assists the soldiers on their journey. If pregnancy is desired, enjoy letting nature take it's course! Otherwise, be creative in abstaining from the one and only act in this world that creates new human life until your cervix and it's secretions tell you it's closed to new souls. The smart man who goes beyond loving his woman to learning her can employ his own senses as well and be a responsible partner in consciously conceiving, or not.

If a human life has been created and gestated to near completion you may be led to believe that it's necessary for a professional to assess the state of your cervix. I'm here to tell you that's just not so!
Do not be intimidated by protocol and know that it is perfectly fine to graciously decline a standard cervical check from a care provider at any time in your pregnancy and labor if you feel safer waiting for evidence-based reasons to do so. Towards the end of your pregnancy you'll likely be curious to know if your cervix has begun to dilate, promising your baby's birth is near. The ideal scenario is already having intimate knowledge of your cervix and being able to find this information out for yourself as you are much more likely to be gentle, limiting discomfort and exposure to infection, not to mention you're the expert and will know how different things feel. Is the opening to your womb feeling wider, stretching over a tiny head? Sweet!! Is there really a need to determine centimeters when the main message is that your baby is making it's way through your body, and will be in your arms sooner or later?

There's been a pretty exact science developed to assess dilation and effacement of a cervix, but the problem is that each unique woman is less of an exact science and we don't fit into small boxes with narrow definitions so well. It would be nice if we were all so predictable as the Friedman Curve would like us to be, but it seems we are not and there are many who believe cervical checks create expectations that can do more harm than good during labor. This was my experience with my first baby, being told I was only at 2 centimeters for hours and hours was so demoralizing, and being told to fight against my urge to push because I was not dilated enough was the most impossible and painful game of futile resistance I've ever played in my life. It can work the other way too though, with my second baby it was so encouraging to be checked and told I was at 6cm, and things continued to progress quickly after that.

The point is that it's your personal choice, one you should really think about before just letting someone arbitrarily exam you. To help, here are a few more links to information on the risks of vaginal exams and cervical checks, how they can affect the progress of your labor and the health of you and your baby.

I was excited to learn about this extremely cool way to externally check for dilation during active labor by counting fingers able to fit under the breastbone.

To learn more about Concious Conception, read Jeaninne & Rico's gem of a book.

And for education & fun, vist The Beautiful Cervix Project.

My Twin Homebirth Story

Travis & Harris were born on May 11, 2010 at home at 41 weeks and 3 days. It had been a wonderful pregnancy, but it was seriously time for birth. I had been having mild contractions off and on for about the last week, feeling my body right on the edge and knowing our boys were about ready to be born. Every morning, waking up pregnant again was starting to wear on me physically and emotionally– especially since all our friends and family were waiting so excitedly, and of course multiples so often come early or are induced. We had been thrilled to be past 36 weeks, which meant we were clear to go ahead with our plans to have the babies at home with our midwife. I always knew I was going to carry the boys full-term, but was surprised to see their due date come…….and go.

We were feeling pressure to try induction to get things moving, especially after a nerve-wracking appointment with our perinatologist. He had been telling me from the get-go that there was no way my uterus could handle much more than 10 pounds of baby and I would likely end up in the hospital with preemies, and that birthing my baby B vaginally in his breech position would be impossible without a manual breech extraction. At that appointment the day before they were born he ran through a host of frightening ‘risks’ and recommended we get to a hospital and get the babies out by whatever means necessary. I was grateful for the information about my sons that his practice provided through their ultrasound services but I fully understood that his medical point of view was just that, as he had never attended a mother in natural labor and never witnessed a normal, unmanaged and unhindered birth. I had done thorough research throughout my pregnancy on every potential risk and method of response, looked to God and hard into my own heart and only became more confident in the truth. And in the practice of midwifery.

At 41 weeks and 2 days though……with him giving my husband intimidating ‘are you crazy???’ looks, it began to get stressful and brought my husband and I to a hard place. I wanted to wait at least until 42 weeks to the day, but agreed with my husband and midwife to go ahead and tentatively plan for induction at home by way of membrane sweeping, castor oil and herbal tinctures for 2 days out. While I was more comfortable with that as opposed to going to the hospital for a bag of pitocin, it still felt so incredibly wrong to me. I knew that the best way to have my boys born safely, whole and healthy was to rely on my own body and mind and allow for a spontaneous natural labor to begin. Especially with twins and especially with my second baby breech, the risk of starting a false labor that could lead to a non-progressive labor that could put my second son’s life in danger was my biggest worry. These boys NEEDED to be born!

Our whole family turned to prayer, I interceded every way I knew how while my husband took a four-wheeler ride up to the top of our property and wrestled with his own emotions and worries, giving them up to God. He put the kids to bed that night and told me of the way our four-year-old daughter prayed for the boys to be born, asking Jesus to keep them and her mommy safe.

And the next day…..at 4am I began to feel stronger and more regular contractions than I had been feeling for the past week, which had been erratic and mixed with sensationless Braxton Hicks. I waited a few hours until 6am when I was sure they were intensifying and getting closer together to call my midwife and my mom to excitedly tell them ‘I’m in labor!!’

My mom started sending mass emails to everyone she had praying for us, and my in-laws did the same when my husband let them know things had started for sure. We got in the shower and hugged and kissed through the contractions – we were both SO excited and feeling so grateful that this day was finally here and we were about to meet our sons! He dressed in jeans and his ‘birth shirt’, the same white button-front he had worn at the births of our daughter and son, and his Opa’s old Rolex that he had timed their contractions by. I was feeling the same orange cotton bra I had worn the day before, and nothing else.

My midwife and her apprentice arrived at about 7:30, and the other midwives came shortly afterwards, making a team of five. The three Certified Nurse Midwives (Julia, GB, Kristie) and two apprentices (Nina & Kate) were busy setting out all their supplies and readying the room, while I worked through the labor that was getting really intense very quickly. Our nanny arrived around 8 to take care of our older children; we kissed them and said ‘your brothers will be born soon, better start working on their birthday cake!’ So Angie kept them busy baking and playing for the morning. Though I heard that MaryJane refused to leave the house to go outside, wanting to hear as much as she could, worried about some of the odd noises I was making. Her Daddy promised her I was fine, told her not to worry and she’d be meeting her first new brother soon.

I had planned on laboring in the tub and birthing the first baby in water, but we wanted to collect their cord blood to bank and with the second baby breech there was just a lot going on and my midwife felt more comfortable having more access to me, so she recommended setting up a birthing stool off the edge of our bed. I had never seen one before but as soon as I laid eyes on it I wanted to sit on it and let this baby come! He had been descending quickly and I was ready with my husband to my right and Kristie to my left for support. It wasn’t long before my baby’s head appeared; I reached down to feel him and loved feeling his thick dark hair. Another contraction and Travis’ head was fully born, after that his whole 8 pound 8 ounce body shot out like a rocket at 8:41!

He was perfect, we were overjoyed and it felt so good to take him right into my arms. Things slowed down and relaxed as we kissed, talked, laughed and held him. I was so excited and happy to see that sweet face I had felt nuzzling the inside of my lower right belly for so long. It turned out that his face had actually been quite smashed against me and had flattened his nose, left ear and left eye but in my blissed-out state I only saw complete perfection in him.

We wanted to be patient to allow my body and second baby adjust to the new room inside, the midwives held me and massaged my belly a little to help. I watched Julia and Nina take Travis to wipe him down and swaddle him, while I felt the urge to lay down on the bed to rest. My husband laid with me, and it wasn’t long before I had Travis back in my arms and put him to my breast. He was a fabulous eater right away, and had quite a persuasive way with my uterus, which began to contract again, moving his brother down. We called in MaryJane and Van in to meet Travis, MJ especially was so excited and declared him ‘the cutest little baby ever’. It was really grounding to see them and see their sweet reaction to their new brother. MaryJane had picked out two rubber duckies as gifts for the boys, brought in the one for Travis and set it on my chest so he could see it as he nursed – so sweet! We told them that Harrison was on his way and we’d call them in again to meet him soon. Over the next two hours we continued to nurse off and on, and tried a few different positions as things ramped up again.

I had been so curious through my pregnancy as to what it would be like waiting for my second baby……how much time would pass between their births? I really hoped to have some good time with Travis, to nurse him and get to know him. Julia had talked about how useful he could be in getting labor going again so while it was part of the plan, experiencing it was a wonderful surprise. I was so proud of him to be playing such an important part in his little brother’s birth and the process of the three of us working together was confirmation of what I knew to be the truth about birth. That a mother’s body and her baby’s body are designed to work in perfect harmony, and yes even with multiples! Her body wants to birth and her babies want to be born. Un-medicated and unforced, as long as a mother is willing, intuitive and calm, her babies will be born well. Being birth-educated and supported by the right people (even if that is only your husband or yourself!) can only help.

I was so incredibly grateful to be attended by the group of intuitive women around me. The mood was so joyful and expectant. I was so happy and smiling at each of them so much, receiving their kind smiles back and getting enthusiastic encouragement of how well my babies and I were doing was exactly what I needed. They were so in tune all three of us, knowing just what I was feeling by how I was behaving, gently offering me sips of water, massage, and pillows for support before I even knew I needed them. It’s a great thing to see people who love their work. I appreciated how skillfully they worked around us, monitoring the baby still in my belly, the baby in my arms and myself while communicating with each other in soft whispers, allowing me peace to get totally into my primal state. Which I was – completely letting myself go and getting in it….in it to win it! During my last birth with my now two-year-old son I had breathed quite silently and deeply all through it and this time while birthing Travis I had learned that quick shallow panting sort of like a thirsty dog felt really good during the stage where the baby was moving down. His birth was a perfect warm-up for birthing Harrison, as it was all so fresh in my mind. Too bad I was panting straight into my handsome husband’s face and was told later I had forgotten to brush my teeth….oh well.

So things started getting really heavy, Kate took Travis so I could really concentrate on the pushing I was about to do. I was in sort of a standing position, with my butt on the edge of the bed, leaning back on my husband behind me with my feet propped up on the birthing stool. I have never forgotten a birth video my doula had shown me years ago when I was preparing for my first birth with my daughter. It showed a Brazilian woman who was birthing twin sons, and her second baby was breech. She stood there like a queen…supported only by her own two feet and silently brought her baby into the world feet-first with a smile on her face. At the time seeing one little baby leg slip out and hang down between her Amazonian legs completely bent my mind. I thought it was the most insane thing I’d ever seen. And now five years later that scene seemed completely normal, she had become my muse of the last few months and the moment was here…my time to shine and become her as best as I possibly could.

I relaxed and waited for a contraction, worked with it and was rewarded with excited gasps from everyone as one little foot emerged. Cameras flashed and Harrison thought twice and drew that foot back inside, which made everyone laugh again. Then he showed us both of his fat little feet. Another contraction and he was born to the waist, another and his body was born and his little arms slipped out. He did so beautifully through his whole birth, his heart rate stayed steady as his body dangled from me, supported gently by Julia as his head remained inside. So this was the one, the clock was now ticking and they were telling me I needed to work with this next contraction like I have never worked before and push my baby out. The semi-reclining standing position had worked well as my midwife had theorized to help his head ease under my pubic bone, but now that his head was there it wasn’t feeling right anymore and I wanted to be more upright and leaning a bit forward. They helped me into that position and I waited for that contraction and wasn’t feeling it. I could feel the tension in the room building, but I had read many birth stories and commentary from obstetricians and midwives in the UK where they do many successful ‘hands off’ breech births and knew they had a standard of up to 10 minutes to allow for cord compression. It had only been a few minutes for us and his heart tones were still steady so I was not fearful, and filled only with faith and expectation. That contraction came and I dug as deep as I could, closed my eyes and envisioned graphically what was happening. I saw my body easily opening wide to expose a little chin then chubby cheeks and round sweet eyes like my daughters. And then my final prize…the very top of his perfect hairy head. That little head I had patted and massaged and watched poke up at me from the top of my belly for months. I imagined planting a big sweet kiss right on top and with that…he was born! All 8 pounds and 15 fat ounces of him at 10:50am.

Julia laid him on the floor and told me to get down on all fours on the floor too. While his heart was still beating and his cord still pulsing, he was not breathing on his own yet. Resuscitation is a skill midwives are used to using, more often for breech babies so it was something we were all expecting might be needed. Julia was giving him mouth to mouth and massaging his body roughly. I was calm and silent, watching quite stupidly until they began encouraging me to talk to my baby. I began calling him by his name, stroking him and telling him what a good strong boy he was and how proud I was of him. William was panicking a bit, saying ‘Breathe boy breathe!’ and I told him ‘Don’t worry babe, he’s fine, he’ll breathe!’ It seemed less than a minute before he was breathing gurgling breaths and was placed safely in my arms. Ecstatic joy from everyone and a few tears from my husband followed. We had both of our sons, live, healthy and perfect – the weight of the world was off his shoulders, and off my belly. The relief and gratitude we felt was overwhelming.

Two more births still lay ahead of me….which ended up being only one as the boys placentas were fused together and both came out with one contraction, which was nice. My midwife cleaned me up and began to check me over; I was thrilled to hear her say I needed no stitches! Minimizing the risk of injury during birth was really the reason I had initially become interested in active natural birth and I was so pleased to be walking away intact, with two perfectly intact and unharmed infants.

Harrison was having a harder time nursing due to his tougher arrival, so I continued to nurse Travis while the midwives helped Harrison get his reflexes going. By this time we were fairly cleaned up and our older kids were back with us, checking out their new brothers. I had gifts for them from the boys, Van seemed really happy about the twins but was REALLY excited about his new trains. MJ got a little doll that she loved but she was way more interested in the two real live dolls in front of her, fascinated by watching GB work her finger in Harrison’s mouth, finding his ‘sweet spot’.

Looking around at our family of six felt so dreamlike, experiencing the birth of our latest members all together in such a normal setting made it an extra precious event that I will be forever grateful for.

SO grateful for our beautiful new sons!

SO grateful I sought out and considered differing opinions, did my own research, made my own decisions, took responsibility and birthed in the way and place I knew was safest for us.

SO grateful I chose reason and faith over irrational worry and fear.

SO grateful I allowed our boys to grow so big and healthy, and be born when they and my body were truly ready.

SO grateful for those last frustrating days of waiting for them, each day something happened within our family to prepare us for the boys in ways we didn’t even know we needed.

SO grateful to the friends and family who encouraged and truly supported us.
You know who you are!

SO grateful for the strong decisive man I married……
who decided to trust and stand by his wife!

SO grateful to live in the blessed state of Texas, where midwife attended homebirth is legal for multiples and breech babies. YEE-HAW!!!

This pregnancy and birth was a spiritual lesson and experience for me, so most of all I am grateful to the Divine Intelligence of the Creator who made this body of mine so full of energy, elasticity, and strength to love. God is SO good, I am beyond grateful for His promises, protection and to walk in His grace.

"Can it be that the Creator intended to draw mothers nearest to Himself at the moment of love's fulfillment?" – Grantly Dick-Read

My current favorite galactagogue

Is this Dandy Blend of dandelion. Tastes pretty much exactly like coffee but a bit more creamy, and since it's instant all it takes is the stir of a spoon to make a delicious hot or cold drink. Dandelion is on the list of herbs that increase lactation, and is a great substitute for that morning cup ritual for the nursing mother who is avoiding caffeine. Now officially on my Super Posh Post Partum list, a bag of Dandy Blend is the perfect thing to accompany a casserole and a pack of practical onesies when you're making more posh moments possible.

On the subject of breastfeeding, what's weirder than a breastfeeding baby doll that noisily suckles and comes with a halter top for the little mommy to wear with the hungry name of 'Bebe Gluton'?

Yep much weirder than a doll who plays pretend at nourishing naturally has been the reaction to it. Eric Ruhalter at NJ.com turns out not to be a total cretin thanks to his heartfelt apology for comparing the act of breastfeeding to alcoholism and erectile dysfunction. Seriously what you were thinking man??? Fox's Dr. Manny Alvarez epitomizes the misconception of breastfeeding as equal to a pornographic sexual act rather than the healthy physiological act it truly is when he worries that pretending to breastfeed could traumatize a child. Traumatize?? The truth is that it's very normal for little girls and even little boys (shocker!!!) to mimic what they see and if they have a younger sibling who is breastfed, guess who's tying a stuffed wolf to their chest with a scarf and giving little pat pats to their baby as they pretend to feed them with their body?

I disagree that there is anything 'growing up to soon' about that kind of play at all, as others have voiced concern. What an excellent way to teach children how the human body works and what they're capable of! Being open, honest and positive about pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding in the context of family, responsibility and love gives children a solid and true foundation for understanding human sexuality. One to cement in their hearts that they can draw from as they grow up and navigate a world of irresponsible attitudes in a rape culture. Whether you recognize it or not YOU are their first educator and sex ed starts early. You have an incredible opportunity to teach by example how to be proud of your body and all it's functions, to confidently protect and respect it, to learn and love it. And in turn, love others. And the new little others love brings.

Though I could do without the halter top Bebe Gluton comes with (I usually find special breastfeeding clothes unnecessary anyway) she's not offensive in the least in my opinion, especially compared to a Bratz Doll. Yuck. Baby dolls already giggle and cry, poop and pee and make bottled liquid disappear, why shouldn't one suckle? How does the fact that pretty much every baby doll on toy store shelves comes clutching a bottle affect breastfeeding rates? Probably pretty profitably for formula companies. Boycott Nestle!

I'm in favor of anything that promotes a biological norm, and find that young girls are the most curios and ardent onlookers when I'm out and about breastfeeding my babies. They're also the ones I give my best smile to in return. Yes little ladies THIS is what your breasts are for, not the Abercrombie & Fitch push-up bikini top.

Anyway, I wouldn't buy Bebe Gluton as I find her a little sucky and lame. If I wanted a truly cool breastfeeding doll I'd spend my money one of these posh creations by MamAmor.

I leave you with one more random tip on the subject of nursing. To keep your nips soft, healthy and happy you really don't need to spend money on any expensive nipple conditioning cream (though ok I do like MotherLove's) because guess what Posh Mama you are already making your own. Hands-down the BEST thing in the world is to express a bit of milk onto yourself and allow it to air dry a minute or two. Breastmilk is actually a cure for a multitude of things.

.....the secret is inside you

Links of the Week

Passing on some inspired reading, informational video and posh thoughts to ponder.

Dangers of Hospital Birth - Why Birthing In a Hospital Can Cause More Problems Than It Solves

British doctors come around to a sensible idea....Americans take note!

The Feminist Breeder explores the frustrations of the parent-bashing you're bound to engage in if you dare to voice an opinion and we've all got one right? Good thing we're posh with our big-girl panties on and can take it all with a grain of salt and find ourselves stronger for it.

Birth gets beautiful & sexy celebrity style on Sugar Mountain.

The natural process continues when a newborn baby is unmedicated and unforced, allowed to do it's thing.

And moving along with respecting nature, the FB page dedicated to Leaving A Baby's Umbilical Cord To Stop Pulsating asks the excellent question 'How come obstetricians lack what appears to be common knowledge to vets?'

And CNN reminds us that Mayim Bailik is more than an actress and mother, but a real-life scientist who's written a book on the hormone bond between mother and baby due to hit shelves next year, Can't wait!

The Facts Of Life

Are not always perfectly posh. They can be devastating and tragic, and have no comprehensible reason. They can change you forever, shake your faith to the ground and make you angry with your God. They can be so hard to think about, and you definitely want to employ the gatekeeper to your mind to shut those creeping worries out of your head before you have a heart attack and go spiraling into a tearful pit of despair over something that hasn't happened but nearly did....or could any second.

In many ways these are survival instincts that keep us on our toes and inspire us to protect ourselves and especially our young ones. But there is something about pregnancy that carries so much hope and so much fear that it becomes very attractive to stick your head in the sand and refuse to even think about the real possibility of tragedy, especially when we have the miracles of modern medicine at our disposal. Let's just do what the doctor says, they'll do everything in their power which surely will gaurantee me a perfect healthy bundled up clean baby at the end. ...right?

What country do you live in? One where less than 1% of all births take place outside a hospital and ranks second as worst in the entire world for infant mortality? One where maternal mortality is currently rising? How does your care provider treat newborns born gray and quiet, not breathing? Do they immediately cut off their life support and whisk them far away from their primary care.... YOU? Or do they honor and utilize the most efficient resuscitation equipment ever created that every baby comes naturally packing? What is their success rate with resuscitation?

Important, scary questions I know. Ones that you HAVE to ask Posh Mama! Ones that I had to seriously ask when I planned my twin homebirth. I had to face the harrowing reality that one or both of my babies might not be born healthy and I had to figure out how my husband and I would deal, what resources were accessible to us, who we wanted attending, what skills they possessed to respond. But are these only questions for those who homebirth, or freebirth? Taking it upon yourself to take responsibility rather than assuming you'll just sue whoevers in charge brings life to a new level of real. But shouldn't EVERY woman no matter where she is birthing and who she chooses to assist her take the same questions seriously? YES. My resounding answer is YES! Especially when you figure that homebirth hater Dr. Amy claims the majority of the time parents do not win malpractice lawsuits, the doctors and lawyers do. Huh, go figure.

So let me get this straight....I can walk into a hospital fully pregnant with a healthy baby and let the obstetrical professionals manage every detail from induction to painkillers to episiotomy to applying forceps or performing cesarean surgery to extract my baby who is immediately taken away and if my child is injured or dies a court of law will determine that everything in human capacity was done to save their life. End of story. If my baby was hurt or died at home of course the question of whether being in a hospital could have made a difference would haunt me for life.....but if my baby was hurt or died in the hospital under the circumstances above I would also be forever haunted at the question of whether taking responsibility rather than putting it on someone else would have made a difference in the outcome.

A google search for 'birth injury or wrongful death' brings up a million malpractice ads that would lead you to believe you could be granted millions of dollars in the case of tragedy. Really, would millions of dollars after years of litigation be a comfort for the loss of my child? My answer is NO! A resounding HELL NO.

Which is why I had to put all of that aside, ignore the doctors and lawyers and insurers to determine on my own accord what was the healthiest and safest way to protect my children and increase potential for their survival. It would be nice if I survived too by the way. I knew that taking it upon myself didn't guarantee a perfect outcome either but at the very least it did guarantee that the interest of my children were of utmost importance. Not hospital policy, not the doctors or midwife's reputation, not the insurer's liability. When LOVING PARENTS are the ultimate decision makers a childs' welfare is most protected. You cannot ignore or underestimate the power of taking on liability that drives the decisions of care providers. And we cannot ignore our culture's increasing unrealistic expectations of being guaranteed a perfect child that drive the threat of litigation.

It is wise to consult those who have studied birth, seen hundreds of babies born and dealt with all sorts of complications. Take their opinions to heart and consider their recommendations carefully but search and trust your own heart ultimately, leaning on reason to make your decisions. Love and sex and birth are NORMAL of the human experience, to be embraced and expected the best of when responsible thoughtful engaged beings are at play. Most likely joy and bliss and blessings beyond your dreams await you!

The current birth scene is a hard one to navigate, where some mothers feel so traumatized by obstetrics they label their experience as birth rape. When trauma from previous experience drives a mother to put herself and her child in danger by not seeking medical assistance that is clearly needed, that is tragic. Tragic that good doctors and nurses have failed within the system, tragic that a mother has not been able to heal and continues the cycle of being a victim and in turn makes a victim of her child. My experiences with hospitals and OB's have not been good, and my knee-jerk reaction has been to not only stay out of the hospital myself but encourage other mothers to birth outside a hospital setting. This is not what's best for women and babies, to be motivated by fear either way. What is best is to encourage parents to take responsibility for their lives, their children, their choices. To make decisions proactively based in reason rather than defensively based in emotion. To be informed of the function and capability of your own body and aware of the resources available, to find confidence in choosing professionals when you need or want assistance, professionals who have skills to offer along with respect for patient autonomy. They are out there! The more we expect and demand them, the more there will be. Ideally utilizing nature fully and using medicine judiciously in harmony, why should nature and medicine be so at odds and considered such a threat to each other, putting mothers and babies at risk in the middle? There are SO many ways to birth a baby and what's right for yours is as unique as you are.

So what did I do?

Well I didn't find a mad scientist to prematurely extract my babies and put them in a jar to grow under careful scientific watch until full gestation, attempting to control tragedy and limiting humanity along with it. I did what I always do when I'm faced with a problem, I made a practical list. A few lists actually. Lists of the most probable and possible complications that I would seek further assistance for. Lists of the care providers accessible in order of distance and neonatal care capacity. Lists of people to pray for us. I also asked questions - a LOT of them. Of my midwife, my perinatologist, the head L&D nurse at the nearest hospital, even the guys at the paramedic station down the road. Visiting their office on a very pregnant afternoon I wanted to see the folks face to face who would respond to my 911 call and give them a map to my house and the gate code. Just FYI guys, thanks.


You never know what's around the corner in life, in the delicate hours of birth or catching a ball for your boy at a baseball game. There are no easy answers, no guarantees.

Which is why you gotta be posh! Think for yourself, do your best and know that life cannot be completely controlled. Only your response, your loving and humble attitude, the grace you give yourself and extend to others is what makes the difference in making it when the unthinkable happens. Most likely it won't but the reality is always that it could. Prepare accordingly.

Give your baby food

and see what they do with it. If they're like mine they'll smash it in their hair and smile.

In the garden or at the table with you, in their own little chair invited to a 'pick platter' of soft-cooked apples and squash or fresh ripe & smushy avocado or banana. Around 6-7ish months is a good time to introduce some grabbable soft solids, organic and local of course is ideal!

But don't you need like, special equipment and isn't it incredibly labor intensive to make your own baby food? I have enough to do!

Yeah I was intimidated too, but here's how easy it is. Literally.

To make baby food:

Bake any veg or fruit at any temperature (*TIP* a hotter over bakes faster) lightly brushed with butter or oil until soft. Serve.

or

Boil in water any veg or fruit until soft, add fresh herbs if you like. Serve.

or

Give as is, sliced or diced according to baby's abilities: Any fruit or veg.

Easier than opening those silly jars of baby food stuffed with preservatives and junk that are jacking up your grocery bill, I promise! And it's a wonderful way to pump up the availability of fresh fruit and vegetables for your entire family.

Making food this way for everyone is fabulously easy and is an excellent way to learn to cook if you don't already know! I love to snack on this broiled butternut squash as much as my babies do, thrown over black beans dressed up as rancheros it makes a meal.
One great trick is boiling a bunch of cut up vegetables, like potatoes, onions, carrots and squash together, adding a little vegetable boullion, adding other herbs if you like. Serve to baby. And oh wow look at that you just made your whole family a dinner of hot & delicious vegeteble stew! Posh! Or soup, whatever. With some warm flour tortillas it's dinner.

Contrary to what advertising sells, a baby really doesn't need any special food. Giving them the same healthy food you eat yourself is the hands-down most practical way to feed them. I encourage you to put down the choo choo train spoonful of store-bought mush and experiment with letting your baby take the lead, it's so much fun for everyone!

Yes, it is a messy enterprise but a bath in the kitchen sink is so posh!




Enjoy watching your baby enjoy the gift of food and be rewarded with a happy and confident eater for life!

Jewel's Fit Pregnancy

I have long admired singer-songwriter and self-made woman Jewel for her talent, determination and confidence. Expecting her first child with husband Ty Murray, she is enjoying her new adventure to the fullest and already being the poshest of moms by taking responsibility for her baby, her birth and her body.

Some of my favorite quotes from her recent interview with Fit Pregnancy include:

I’m feeling really great, I’m enjoying pregnancy much more than I thought I would. It is a privilege and I feel lucky that I get to do it.

It IS truly a privilege isn't it?? And what a lucky little one her baby already is, feeling all that that positive energy and I'm sure already enjoying original lullabies from her mother's angelic voice.

I’ve been using Nature’s Sunshine products. The company has great lines—its LIV-J is designed to support liver function and that helps cuts down on the nausea. I worked with Ellen Tart-Jensen, she’s the daughter-in-law of a famous doctor, Bernard Jensen, and Kimberly Balasa—both are doctors of naturopathy. If you can, it’s really worthwhile to do it—you have to make sure your care provider is very qualified in supplements and herbs and nutrition. Kimberly goes off blood work, and my levels are all doing great. Naturopathic doctors are the wave of the future, I believe they helped me get and stay pregnant.

Way to explore options for health care! I've had such great experiences with 5W from Nature's Sunshine, I hope Jewel's doctors recommend it to her in those last 5 weeks of pregnancy to support her uterus for a strong and productive labor.

Well, I’ve gotten big now, but you know what surprised me is how much I have enjoyed dressing while pregnant, I’ve found really cute clothes and I dress up more now than I did before. It’s really fun.

Bump style's a blast right? Love her cover look for the magazine.



I’ve always been a workhorse, and I’ve been supporting myself since I was 15. I enjoy hard work, I love setting goals and achieving them. So I’ve had to learn to slow it down and get some rest, which I haven’t minded.

Listening to your body, taking time off to tune in and giving yourself the rest you need to direct energy inward and grow your baby is SO important!

I enjoyed (exercise) before and kept it up—at first I was doing rigorous cardio, then slowed down to the elliptical and now I’m doing Julie Tupler’s program, it’s nice to be able to keep up with your abs. I also kept riding up until a couple weeks ago.

Keeping active with exercise you enjoy is just as important as finding time for rest, modifying the activity to fit your current energy level and abilities will keep your body strong and your baby safe. SO excited that Jewel has discovered Julie Tupler's brilliant technique to keep strengthen abdominal muscles and protect her pelvic floor through it all. It will pay off, I promise!

Knowledge really is power. The more you can educate yourself, the better. Your body and your health are your responsibility. I love doctors, but I have to live with the decisions I make. Make sure you get your questions answered, and never feel that you are doubting your doctor by asking a question—a good doctor won’t feel that way, either.

Every woman, no matter her education level has the ability and should take the responsibility of learning about her own body, her growing baby, and be respected as the ultimate decision maker and authority on protecting her child's life. Jewel's right, at the end of the day it is YOU who has to live the outcome of decisions made. Don't let them be made without your consent or full understanding and don't let fear, irrational worry, or anyone else's bottom line be more important than you and your baby.

Congratulations to Jewel on her baby and her beautiful life!

recommended reading

Going from clueless new mother to constant aspiring learner of all things family has left me with a list (and want to read list) of books, blogs and websites in which to find comfort, inspiration and information. I have always enjoyed exposure to vastly differing viewpoints and philosophies in order to challenge myself and what I think I know, and find my true heart.

After finding serious beef with Babywise, I have pushed to the side any book or expert who comes from an authoritarian point of view or whose mission lies in controlling and training children for the purpose of making the parent's life easier or bringing them glory. Whatever that's supposed to mean.

So I will not be listing those titles here even though a few of them are still on my bookshelves, for reference. I would love to share and GROW my master list of resources that explore the brilliance of the natural design and purpose of family, that respect and esteem children, that observe and explain human development and emphasize gentleness, that embolden the truth of grace and love as ultimate authority.

Help me out and add to my list! ....I know I'm forgetting some. A few of these may contain ideas and advice I don't 100% agree with, but holding out for perfection is a waste of time right? Besides, it's all just reference anyway as when it comes down to it I'm the true expert. :) Let me know what you love to read that jives with this paradigm, I'll thank you forever for your posh knowledge and generosity.

Childbirth & Newborn Care

Ina May's Guide to Childbirth

Spiritual Midwifery by Ina May Gaskin

Gentle Birth

Ina May's Guide to Breastfeeding

KellyMom

Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering: A Doctor's Guide to Natural Birth and Gentle Early Parenting Choices

Pregnancy, Childbirth and the Newborn

Gloria Lemay

Childbirth Without Fear by Grantly Dick Read

Unassisted Childbirth

Pushed By Jennifer Block

Prenatal Yoga and Natural Childbirth by Jeannine Parvati Baker

Active Birth by janet Balaskas

The Birth Book by William & Martha Sears

Breastfeeding Made Simple

Complementary Feeding: Nutrition, Culture and Politics

Baby-Led Weaning

Emergency Childbirth by Gregory J. White

Sarah Buckley

Happiest Baby On The Block by Harvey Karp


Child Development & Discipline

The Ames & Ilg series (verrry old, but classic!)

Sign With Your Baby by Dr. Burton White

The Continuum Concept

The Toddler's Busy Book

The Wonder Weeks

Discipline Without Distress by Judy Arnall

Grace Based Parenting by Tim Kimmel

Boys Should Be Boys

Strong Fathers Strong Daughters by Meg Meeker

Conscious Parenting

The Attachment Parenting Book by William & Martha Sears

Peaceful Parenting

the basics of breastfeeding

Mothers don't breastfeed. BABIES breastfeed!

So basic, so TRUE! When I understood this my relationship with my babies changed forever.

Breastfeeding, like pregnancy and birth is a relationship completely unique to you and your baby and one that should have absolutely NO RULES. You may have challenges along the way ranging from latch problems with a tounge-tied baby to inverted nipples to thrush or an infection of mastitis, unrealistic expectations, lack of information (or worse, bad information), unsupportive family and friends or in rare cases insufficient glandular tissue to lactate.

But in the beginning with your beautiful new baby, let's start off assuming the most realistic scenario: That your body will continue to nourish and comfort your baby just as effortlessly as it did during their gestation and that your baby will continue grow and thrive instinctively.

So for an activity that really should have no rules....here are my rules! :)

1. Be patient, be calm and assume trust in your baby, trust in your body, and trust in the natural design of nurturing life. Your baby can sense your stress and will respond accordingly and they will also chill out when you do.

2. Your newborn has strong survival instincts, let them take the lead and be amazed! Whether your new baby wants to nurse every 45 minutes or is a sleeper going 3 hours between meals, watch them carefully and respond with respect to their needs. Know that in those early days a tiny bit of colostrum is just what their tiny tummy needs which will grow exactly as intended with generous access to your breasts.

3. Along with being laid-back, literally....LAY BACK. Traditionally mothers have been taught to sit up straight or lean forward in a special nursing glider with their feet propped up on a special nursing stool with an expensive nursing pillow supporting their baby while they figure out whether to do a 'football' or a 'cradle' hold. Where did this proper positioning posture originate anyway? If it's not practical, it's not posh! Sitting upright and hunching over is murder on your back, neck, shoulders and energy. No wonder so many women find breastfeeding so hard on their bodies and want to quit. I know I did. So lay down on your regular old bed or your couch, put that silly Boppy behind your back and arrange other pillows to support your head, shoulders, arms and elbows and get comfortable laying down. Resting like you should be Posh Mama. Lay your darling little baby upright and right on top of you. Their tummy to your tummy, their head near your breast, both of you as unclothed as possible in a warm room. Drop your shoulders and take a long relaxed breath.

4. Stroke your baby's sweet face, cuddle, talk, engage and observe. Is their mouth opening, their head bobbing and searching? Let them find your nipple, giving gentle guidance if you feel they need it. Opening your own mouth wide can help them do the same thing as they love to mimic you. Gently pressing your nipple between your fingers to make a nipple sandwich and brushing it upward against their lips can help a baby find their best latch. Little flanged lips around your nipple is what you're looking for and what will feel the best for both of you.



5. Drop your shoulders again, take a deep breath. It can be natural to tense up so be conscious of holding tension in your body and release it as needed. Enjoy! Nurse to sleep....sleep to nurse. Rest and be with your baby, it's what you both need. Make nursing time your resting time, not clock-in time. Your baby is the one doing the hard work! Let them.

6. If breastfeeding is how you really want to feed your baby for the long haul, keep all artificial substitutes far away in those early months. Don't stress yourself out thinking 'Oh I hope I can make enough milk!' You know what makes you make milk? YOUR BABY. Their presence, their demand. Even when they are doing the non-nutritive comfort nursing and you find yourself saying 'Alright this is prime real estate, get milk or get off babe!' Stop. Realize they are sending important messages to your body on a hormonal level, investing in their future supply. Shrinking your uterus and giving you an oxytocin ride while they're at it. Little geniuses! Give them a thank-you kiss and let them stay at your breast.

7. Remember to get yourself comfortable FIRST and then get your baby comfy on you, tummy to tummy. Nursing positions will vary as you get more confident and as your baby grows, the best nursing holds are the ones you make up yourself. Ever heard of 'The Double Stack'? Or 'Bobbing Baby Sleeping Lioness'? I have. Before you know it you'll be doing breastfeeding gymnastics with your one-year old. What, you've never heard of yoga breastfeeding? My friend Mary has.

8. DO NOT think about the future. It's tempting to say 'Okay I'm giving this 6 weeks! Or 6 months! ...Or 'till I go back to work.' SHHHHHHH. Shhhhhhh. Take one day at a time. Nursing a newborn is SO different than nursing a 4 month old which is different than nursing an 8 month old which is light years different than nursing a 2 year old. Be in the moment. Do what you can. You are SO posh, you are doing it!!! And your baby is getting so fat and damn cute feeding off your body, and wow I know you probably haven't looked in the mirror lately but you're looking pretty cute yourself and thinner by the day. Yep I'm not lying to you, it's true. And it doesn't have to be 'all or nothing'. You can give your baby pumped milk or formula while they're away from you as you work and you can still enjoy nursing them in the morning and at night.

9. Throw guilt out the window. I'm 100% with Ina May when she says that 'No mother should breastfeed out of guilt.' Breastfeeding should be a mutually beneficial relationship, nature designed it that way but in our busy modern lives sometimes that just does not jive. That's OK. I have used formula when it's gotten me through the day. From Similac to Earth's Best to making your own or buying from milk banks or contacting Eats On Feets you have SO many options when you need help. Explore them and make your best choice!

10. Be confident attending to your baby's most basic need WHEREVER YOU ARE. In most states thankfully, the law is on your side. Public breastfeeding does not equal indecent exposure, it's really pretty easy to turn your back and use a blanket, burp cloth or sling to gain a bit of privacy if you need. I know it's a big leap to go from showing off your gorgeous breasts for sex appeal or covering them for modesty to suddenly using them for utility. And ugh that creepy dude watching you is very rightly freaking you out. Protect yourself and your baby, but embrace the opportunity to look normal people in the eyes and smile when they see you caring for your baby so beautifully.

In those early weeks of newborn life it's a dance of hormones between you and your baby as you both adjust to a new way of nourishment. The more a baby sleeps in the day the more they will eventually sleep at night. The more they nurse at night, the more they will eventually find sleep in the night. The focus now is on meeting their emotional needs so closely tied to the physical. Motherly and fatherly love as the constant factor rather than clocked feedings or expectations of naps will create TRUE stability in their little hearts and minds. They will join the rest of the family in the natural rhythm of the day as they grow - which will be plenty soon enough! The time for more direction will come, but with an infant it's all about on demand.

Watch your baby carefully, be patient and assume success but seek assistance for anything that causes you concern. I know it's nerve-wracking to stress over 'how much milk are they getting?' Coming straight from your breasts it's impossible to know the ounces consumed. Is your baby keeping you busy changing wet and dirty diapers? Are they growing pinker and more alert each day? If they aren't growing plumper right away don't be too concerned as it's normal for an infant to lose around 10% of their body weight in those early days, a mechanical hanging scale and sling can help you keep a close eye on weight and make you confident in asking for guidance from your midwife, lactation consultant or pediatrician.

To nurse is to nurture, to bond and be loved.

Wishing Victoria Beckham the BEST as she prepares to be her poshest ever!

a conscious decision

My younger self, the one who would coo over and cuddle the three-legged dog on the street while never glancing in the direction of the cute baby strolling by, the one who had a very abstract idea of what it would be like to be a mom and just assumed I would be someday but never had that burn of baby fever. The one who thought the idea of a baby was fine, but a the idea of something so big coming out of my most pleasureable of small places...NOT FINE. Putting my hands over my ears with tightly closed eyes singing LA LA LA I can't hear you!!!' I mean HOW?? It just seems impossible! And horribly painful! I was lucky to receive comprehensive sex ed in school instead of abstinence-only and yeah, I still remember the horror of the birth video they showed on that unlucky day I decided to not skip class. Blood. Screams. Tearing. Torture. Ahhhhh!!! When that terrible day comes for me, give me drugs!! Better yet knock me out and cut me open, get babyperson out and wake me up when it's all over. I have a very low pain tolerance, after all. And I'm a petite girl, my hips probably aren't even wide enough anyway. Yes I once said all of those things.

That same younger self would have been completely appalled and offended at the suggestion that the level of pain and suffering a woman feels while giving birth is all in her head. How cruel and demeaning! How sexist! Pain in birth is like, a medical FACT! ....right?

Well...I'm no doctor or scientist but after doing it a time or two I have to say NO. The feeling of pain in birth is much too subjective to be factual. I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't experienced it myself but the state of my mind made a HUGE difference, and I'm not alone. Many, many MANY other women report the same thing. Hypnobirthing and Hypnobabies are two hugely successful techniques to help your mind take control of your matter. I have not taken formal classes of either method but it was reading Marie Mongan's Hypnobirthing book while expecting my second baby that had a profound influence in changing my perspective of the birth process and perception of pain. However, I also had the experience of my first birth to draw on.

Even though I had once said all those silly things and been completely afraid of the prospect of giving birth, for some reason the second I knew I was pregnant with my first baby I had a desire to 'do it naturally', though I honestly had little idea what that actually meant. A friend gave me a copy of Henci Goer's 'The Thinking Woman's Guide To A Better Birth' and that sealed the deal for me, I wanted to do whatever I had to in order to give my baby the best chance at being born healthy and myself the best chance of getting through the process with minimal injury. In exchange for that good outcome I saw myself as the sacrificial lamb who would have to face the fire. All through my pregnancy I wondered and worried 'How bad would it hurt?? Could I handle it? Would I be able to do it??' I expected excruciating pain, and as the Law of Expectancy promises, I got what I knew was coming. It sucked six ways from Sunday. I changed my mind and asked for an epidural the second I got to the hospital. An epidural and wheelchair actually is what I asked for. The wheelchair I got, the epidural I was told I had to wait for until an anesthesiologist was paged. EIGHT hours I laid there, hooked up to the heparin lock and tied to the delivery bed in torment that I made worse as each minute passed by. Tensing up and fighting every contraction that came, thinking of nothing but wanting it to stop, to be over. Actually I was thinking about more than that. Indulging in the depths of self-pity I focused on the pain, trying to decide what it felt like.....being torn apart and eaten alive by a pack of wild dogs? No, no....it definitely hurt more than that. Being engulfed by an internal fire, my organs burning and melting inside? Nope. Worse than that. A freight train running at full speed through my body, tearing my lower half away at the ribs? Yep, I'd say that's pretty much accurate. And honestly that's still a pretty good description of what strong contractions feel like to me, an unstoppable train with incredible force running right through me. I have found it amazing though, the difference in the exact same sensation when I stopped trying to do the impossible and stop it in it's tracks and instead decided to let that train run.

I never got the epidural I had wanted and after my daughter was finally born my sister in law asked me what it felt like. I replied 'IT HURT LIKE HELL!!!!' Under my breath I muttered 'And Ina May is totally full of shit.' I even wondered if next time I should just schedule a c-section.

But.....time passed. I healed quickly, was falling more in love with my daughter every second and heard the recovery challenges of friends who had cesareans and came back to reality to be grateful for the healthy vaginal birth I had. And I picked up Ina May again. And Childbirth Without Fear, and Active Birth, and the Hypnobirthing book. I planned to give birth to my next baby in a birthing center, far away from access to pain meds but I figured that what I experienced with my daughter hadn't killed me and there was no way it could possibly be worse. Pain schmain. Whatever. And I was going to have a beautiful new BABY at the end of it! That was all that really mattered to me now that I knew first-hand the overwhelming joy of motherhood.

My perspective was much bigger than myself the second time around. Everything was so much different at the birthing center than it had been at the hospital, I had access to a shower and bathtub to labor in and was able to lie down on a big comfortable bed any way I wanted when I needed rest. I had written inspiring thoughts and funny things and taped pictures of my daughter to note cards to reference when things got hard. I also had my husband to lean on. During labor being close to him, able to freely hug and kiss and laugh together was calming and kept my confidence high. But long before contractions started, talking out the challenge of mind over matter with my trusted partner is what prepared me the most.

When we were expecting our daughter we took a childbirth education class where the instructor was teaching 'pain avoidance techniques' like holding ice in your hand and finding your happy place while the freezing cold burned your skin. My husband said 'That's terrible advice, trying to escape is the LAST thing you should do. You gotta RIDE it, embrace it babe!' 'Oh please what could you possibly know about it?' I ignored him with an eyeroll. After what happened with my daughter, I realized that just maybe he had been right. 'Umm.....so babe what was that again about embracing it? Let's talk that through a bit, thanks.' So, with our son I made that conscious decision to ride it, to embrace it, to react softly, to allow the heat to permeate my every cell. When I decided to submit to the sensations and let that train run.....it felt a lot less like pain. It felt more like POWER! I was amazed at the strength of my body, proud of the incredible pressure of my internal muscles pushing my baby down and out. It all progressed so quickly, and felt completley manageable and peaceful. And then there he was, my boy! I saw the amazing power of the Law of Non-Resistance manifest physically. Doing more than facing my problem and choosing to full-on embrace it caused the challenge to fall away of it's own weight.

My friend Laura gave birth to her daughter in that same room at the birthing center. Her story is beautifully honest, and to me the poshest part is where she talks about making that conscious decision. Things change physically, and her baby is born soon after she makes that purposeful mental switch.

Laura & Sawyer


About three weeks ago, I attempted to add an entry to our Grubbito blog, when I was at 34 weeks. It was to be titled “The Final Countdown”. I was advised by the midwives to cease my exercise regiment until I reached 36 weeks, as the Birthing Center does not birth babies under 36 weeks. After the pre-natal visit, the baby was discovered to be extremely low and in birthing position, so they wanted me to kick up my heels, and fatten up me and the baby. That was music to my ears!! I took it easy and tried to eat heartily yet healthily.

I kept intending to update our blog so I could document how I was feeling and how the baby was doing, but I just kept getting busy at work, or Scott and I would go out, or I just plain forgot, and it never got updated.

So after making it to 36 weeks, which landed on a Wednesday, we felt like we were in the clear to have a healthy baby. The one thing I was stressed about was the state of our new house. We still had so many things in boxes sitting in our living room, every room disorganized, and the over-whelming sensation of the clock winding down. The Thursday into week 36, Kris and Amanda came over and miraculously transformed our house into a warm, charming home. With their artistic eye, they hung our photos and personalized art, and added their magic touch to bring life to our new nest.

The following Friday I woke up under the weather with a cold and called in sick to work. Coughing my head off, I did not want to disturb Scott from his rest, so I waddled into the living room to look upon our newly decorated living room. I turned on the TV and settled in to nap. Suddenly, around 8:00 am, I felt a sharp pain in my lower abdomen that felt very similar to a strong menstrual cramp. A few seconds later, I felt fluid and was instantly concerned. I went to the restroom and found pink-tinged fluid. I think at that moment, I knew my water had broken. I alerted Scott, who was getting ready to go out of town for a meeting. He told me to call the birthing center, which wasn’t open yet. After leaving a message, a midwife, Joan, called me shortly after. I explained my “symptoms” and she said it did sound like signs of early labor. She advised Scott and I to come in when we could, but there was no need to rush. I think we both felt excited yet completely unprepared. We hadn’t opened any baby furniture or necessary items for traveling with a baby, like a car seat, an overnight bag with clothes for the baby, or a bag for he and I for our birthing center stay. This baby, if I truly was in labor, was going to be almost a month early!

I was having mild contractions, but only every hour or so. I wanted to get sustenance, so we stopped at Taco Cabana, and I felt a large gush in the drive thru. We had called our mothers to let them know, and my mother came to meet us. When we arrived at the BC, and found the room we wanted, the Santa Fe room, wasn’t ready, we were put into the Victorian birthing room. Joan and a midwife assistant, Nicole, checked me to look for Amniotic fluid. Under a microscope, amniotic fluid looks like a fern, so they told me they were “looking for my fern”. I was certain my “fern” would be loud and clear, but to my surprise, they came back in and said there was no fern. I was surprised and disappointed. What could it be, then? We were sent home and Scott was going to leave for his out of town meetings.

At home, I was still leaking and feeling cramps every hour, when the midwives called us back. They both wanted to double check me, and Joan said she just “had a feeling”. My mother and I went back to the birthing center, and I told Scott I would call him with an update, Luckily, his out of town client re-scheduled with him so he was on his way home. Joan and Natalie checked me again, and sure enough, there was my fern! I asked them what that meant and she responded, “that means you are going to have a baby this weekend!” They did have some concerns regarding my labor, because I was so early, and because I had not had the required strep test to determine if I was carrying strep that could be passed into the baby during his/her delivery. Had I been in a hospital, they would have immediately put an IV into me with antibiotics for “preventative measures”. Joan told me the BC was required to inform me of the risk I carried by not having the strep test (passing it onto the baby during the delivery which, if left untreated, could lead to pneumonia). If I felt it was necessary to have the antibiotics, I would have had to go to the hospital as the BC did not administer them. Based on how healthy I had felt throughout the entire pregnancy, and how strong our little sprout had been in utero, I felt confidant that he/she would be delivered without any unnecessary medicine. I politely declined.

Because my surges were still an hour apart, I was sent home with several herbal tinctures to help kick start labor. They wanted me to be around five minutes apart before I returned, which is called “active labor”. I was told to go on walks, drink my tinctures and to have Scott “stimulate” my nipples, as this aides in boosting labor. It was around 5PM and Scott and I were determined to get labor going into high gear. Our good friends and neighbors, Allen and Shannon Cable were having a party at their house. We decided to take our boys, Toby and Yeager, for a walk to their house for the party. In true Scott and Laura fashion, we partied to the end! Everyone was surprised we were there and so supportive. I only had one contraction while there, and it was when we were saying goodbye to Shannon. I grasped onto her and had to breathe during the contraction. She hugged me through it and sent us on our way.

Scott and I nestled into the couch, with him behind me, stimulating, and me drinking my potions every half hour. Scott diligently kept record of when each surge came. We went to bed around 11PM, with the contractions around 45 minutes apart. Throughout the night, the surges woke me up with their intensity. I would have to get out of bed and lean over the side, all while trying to breathe through the pain. At this point, the pain was tolerable and felt much like a strong menstrual cramp that resounded in my abdomen and lower back. At around 6:30 in the morning, Joan called to check on us. My contractions at one point had gotten as close as seven minutes, but had gone back up to around every 40 minutes. She was getting off duty soon and would have the next midwife contact us in a few hours. I was beginning to feel a little nervous that I wasn’t progressing quickly enough. The BC needed me to be in active labor within 24 hours of my water bag rupturing. We were nearing that marker very quickly without much progress in the surges.

Around 8:30am on Saturday, we get a phone call from the new on-call midwife, Mary. I immediately recognized her voice and demeanor as the midwife I liked the least. Throughout my pregnancy, each prenatal visit was attended by a different midwife so we would have the chance to meet each one. During my appointment with Mary, she seemed to chastise me constantly for my active life. It made me uncomfortable and I remember saying to my Mother, who had been with me during the appointment, “I hope it’s not her I get”. So when she called, I was immediately disappointed. She asked for us to come in around 10:30am, and said “Be prepared to go to the hospital”, since I still hadn’t progressed to 5 minute contractions. Looking back, I wish Mary hadn’t said those discouraging words, as labor is extremely mental. As a midwife, I would have hoped that Mary would have known that her words could have been detrimental to my state of mind. As Scott and I were getting ready to leave, I burst into tears. “Everything is going wrong!” Scott calmed my by saying, “Let’s give her the benefit of the doubt and let’s have faith everything will work for us as we’ve planned”. That wouldn’t be the only time he was my soothing voice of reason and encouragement that day.

When we arrived to the BC, the room we had originally wanted, the Santa Fe room, was open and newly decorated. Now it was called the Barcelona room, which seemed fitting considering my hispanic lineage. I also took it as a first good sign. Mary checked my cervix and discovered I had dilated through the night to 3 cm. That was also good news! She gave us another deadline of dilating to at least 6 or 7 by 3:30pm. Though I was having consistent contractions, Mary indicated I was not in active labor because I was “engaging in conversation and making eye contact”. I thought this statement odd and slightly foreboding of what was to come. The room had a large bed, a big bath in the middle, it’s own bathroom and shower, and a table with chairs to sit at. We began to make ourselves comfortable and had invited both our moms to keep us company. I had prepared a playlist with my favorite soothing songs, and we listened to the music and visited, while Scott took pictures. I was still drinking my potions to get labor into full gear. Mary upped my dosage and suggested I drink castor oil. The castor oil lubricates you from the inside and is an old labor booster. We had asked the moms to leave to the waiting room so Scott could continue his stimulations. Scott asked me if he could leave to pick up something, and I gave him the green light. After drinking the disgusting mixture of castor oil and root beer, I began to feel nauseous. I was still concerned about being transferred to the hospital, so I was intent on keeping the castor oil down so it could aide in the labor effects. Scott returned form his errand and saw my demeanor had changed from nervous excitement to draining nausea. He said I looked green. Throughout the time we were there, Mary was coming and going infrequently because another woman was having a baby and Mary and her assistant, Natalie, were the only ones on duty. Not long after Scott returned to me in my nauseous state, he attempted to feed me some fresh fruit and crackers, but sadly, I was unable to keep them down. Like a volcano erupting, and maybe 45 minutes after drinking the concoction, I could not keep anything down. I threw up as hard and heartily as I ever have in my life. I immediately felt better in my stomach, but again, I was scared this would lead to my “deportation” to the hospital. Mary reappeared in the room about fifteen minutes of me losing the castor oil, and I felt like I was confessing a wrongdoing. She wanted to check my cervix to see how far I had dilated, if at all. When she was checking, we are were all delighted to hear I had progressed to about four centimeters. While she was still checking me, she told us she could “help” me get to five centimeters by manually stretching me. Without knowing what I was in for, I told her to go ahead.

OH. MY.

With Scott behind me on the bed, he had to hold me down while I screamed in pain. It felt unlike any pain I had ever experienced. It was as if she was ripping me apart from the inside. Thankfully it only lasted for a minute or so, and she was finished. “Let’s just hope it stays at a five”, is what she said. The best part of that whole experience was when Mary said, “You are going to have that baby here”! I finally felt confident that I was going to be delivering at the BC. Mary suggested we go for a walk around the parking lot of the BC. It was a beautifully sunny and somewhat brisk February day. I felt ok at this time, if not a little sore and traumatized from Mary’s “assistance”. On the way out, we saw Renee (Scott’s mom) in the waiting room and she gave us a hug of encouragement. Once outside, about ten feet from the front entrance, I had a very powerful surge. I had to grasp onto Scott, stop walking, and breathe through it. It lasted maybe a minute and was the most powerful one yet. After it stopped, we continued walking. Every few steps, I had to stop and lean against Scott while mentally trying to keep my breathing slow and even through the sensation. It was beginning to get difficult. At one point, I had to get onto all fours, with poor Scott behind me rubbing my back and saying sweet encouraging words. Unfortunately, we happened to be right next to the busy road with motorists driving by, probably wondering what the heck they were seeing! It took us about half an hour to do one loop around the BC building. I was now having contractions every few minutes. Walking back through the waiting room, I couldn’t muster one word to Renee, but managed to give her a reassuring pat. As soon as we walked into the room, I had another violent wave of nausea. I didn’t quite make it to the trash bin and ended up losing my lunch all over the floor and bed. Poor Scott had to just stand there helpless. He helped me into the clean side of the bed where I could curl into a ball and moan. I kept fluctuating between being hot and cold. Whenever a contraction came over me, I wanted no clothing touching me, but once it was over, I would be cold and want my robe back on. Scott was so great about always being there to put on or remove my robe with each surge. I would get onto all fours on the bed and squirm around trying to escape the pain. I was able to move off the bed to try to stand at the edge of the bed. I was hoping to be able to lean over the side of the bed to help alleviate some of the pain. Mary happened to be in the room while I was struggling between leaning on the side of the bed, or attempting to lay on all fours on the bed, none of which seemed to be working. During one particular strong contraction, I was standing at the edge of the bed. I immediately felt my legs want to curl under me and had the strong sensation to lay on the floor. “Squat into the contraction” Mary instructed. Scott supported me by my arms as I tried squatting during the surge. This, too, did not bring any relief.

I thought it was time to try something new. I asked Scott to fill the bathtub located right in the room. I got into the tub and immediately felt relief. Everything seemed to just get quieter. I could feel myself entering into an internal cave, withdrawing from my surroundings and left alone to focus on the long journey ahead. I was now in full blown active labor. From the cloud surrounding me, I would often hear Scott ask me questions about my well being, but I could not surface to answer, I had no concept of time or space, only of the constant surges that kept washing over me, like waves in an ocean. In the move from the bed and floor to the water, I made a conscience decision. I had earlier attempted to run away from the pain, but while in the tub, I decided to embrace it. It had not slackened in it’s intensity, yet I seemed better able to handle it while in the water. Instead of trying to move away, I decided to lie perfectly still while the surges came and simply “be”. I had read many books about natural birthing and remembered many women describing breathing low to help breathe the baby down through the diaphragm. I began moaning in a low voice with each surge that actually resembled mooing. Again, having no concept of time, I had no idea how long I was in the tub. (I later found out from Scott that I sat in the tub for about an hour and a half).

From the outside, I was calmly sitting in the tub, semi-squatting with my head tucked into the nook of my elbow. From the inside, I was concentrating on staying on top of the surges and not letting the pain overtake me. I did hear Mary come back into the room and ask Scott about my progress. I think she was concerned I had fallen asleep and was slowing down labor. She checked the water and found it had cooled considerably. She suggested to Scott to take me out of the tub. Mary wanted to check my dilation progress as well, so we moved to the bed. We discovered I had dilated to around 6 centimeters, which was promising, but still seemed like I had a marathon ahead of me.

According to Scott, I was on the bed for another hour, maybe hour and a half, mooing and moaning low through every surge, which were coming every few minutes. The pain would begin low and deep in my uterus, and spread to my back, as if I was being twisted and wrung powerfully from the inside. The next time Mary entered the room, I asked if there was a way to help alleviate the back labor I was experiencing. She suggested getting onto all fours, which I did while on the bed, all the while focusing on breathing and moaning low through each contraction. Sometimes the pain would only be in my front, other times it would spread to my back, or it would be both places at once. I just kept telling myself to not give in and to not start that downward spiral of self-doubt, fear and pain. I had survived thus far, and was succeeding!

The back pain was intensifying, so I asked Scott to start the shower for me. He set up a chair facing the wall so the water could rain down on my back. I leaned against the back of the chair and simply sat in the shower. The only thing I could do was sit and focus. Again, time did not exist for me, but I was told I was in the shower for an hour. During this time, I overheard a conversation between Mary and Scott about labor. The first thing she said was she thought I would give birth around midnight and that it was six hours away. Six more hours!?! The next thing she said could have negatively altered my focused path. Scott asked about the stages of labor and I heard Mary say that most women throw in the towel during “transition” (the dilation from 7 to 10 centimeters). She alluded that this was the most painful and that this was the point where women said they couldn’t bear it any longer. Upon hearing that, after all I felt I had already gone through and how much pain I felt I had endured and had to continue to endure, doubt crept in. If it was this hard already, what was I in for with my own transition? Her words scared me. I felt utterly alone, even with my sweet Scott constantly checking on me and giving me an encouraging caress. Not only did I have to battle the pain, I now had to battle that sly cunning enemy, doubt. The only thing I could do was just continue to breath and moan and fight for the power and control. I was able to defeat what her words almost conjured, and continue my battle with strength and resolve.

One resounding thought was the baby inside me. I knew he/she was going through their own struggle. I silently spoke to my baby and told him/her we were doing this together, and that I was right on the other side. I kept telling him/her to be strong, and I would be strong for them. It brought me comfort to know that our little one would soon be in my arms. I also envisioned myself opening wide for the baby to easily come out. With each moan, I mewed low and ended the breath with an ‘ooooooopen’ mantra. Visualizing myself opening also gave me something else to focus on other than the intense surges radiating from within.

After some time, I realized that I was shivering. Because the water was only focused on my back, I was cold from the front. (It was February and still cold outside). I knew I wanted to be moved back to the tub, but I had to swim up from my intense reverie to let Scott know. It did take a few moments for me to be able to surface and say one word “tub”. Scott immediately jumped from his shower-side vigil and began filling the tub. I felt his strong hands gently help me stand, and supported me as I waddled back towards the tub. We were alone together.

Scott lowered me into the warm water where I took my familiar position of sitting on my knees. Not five minutes after my tub immersion, I felt the most powerful and over-whelming sensation I have ever felt. I had to PUSH! I have never felt something as intense and demanding from my body. It was an order! I looked up at Scott and said “I have to push! I have to push! We were alone in the room so Scott ran out to find Mary. In those few seconds he was gone, I had an internal battle with my body. I was scared to push with no assistance, yet my body was screaming at me to bear down. Thankfully Mary, her assistant Natalie and Scott rushed into the room. Mary felt for the baby and exclaimed she could feel the top of the baby’s head. She did say she could feel a small part of my cervix still over the head, but not to worry and that I was ready to birth this baby. “Next time you feel that urge Laura, I want you to push!” Scott came behind me to hold me up by my arms so I wouldn’t go under the water. ’ The feeling came over me again to push, and I tried squeezing down. The immediate sensation was that I was pushing out of my rear end and that it was too big. I stopped pushing out of fear. Mary looked at me and said rather sternly, “put your chin into your chest, and bear down!”. I did as she instructed; put my chin in to my chest, and pushed. Without being aware I was doing it, I was making a guttural noise. I was bearing down, bearing down,bearing doooooowwwwwwn, and out came our baby’s head!! The pushing feeling subsided and there was our baby’s head hanging out in the water. He/she had so much hair!! We were all waiting for another contraction to come so I could push into it and push the rest of the baby out. Still in a dreamy haze, I wasn’t fully aware of all that was going on around me. I heard Scott ask if the baby was ok being underwater for that amount of time, and Mary told him the baby was still getting oxygen from the umbilical cord. Again, that strong powerful urge came over me to push….Scott grasped me under the arms, I put my chin down, and with a loud, primal scream that erupted out of me….I pushed our baby out into the world. It was 6:47PM, February 12th 2011.

Mary quickly grabbed the baby and placed him/her on my chest. Everything went peacefully quiet. Nothing else existed in those first few wonderful seconds.

Here I was, holding our beautiful new baby, still in the tub, legs still spread…I could feel the umbilical cord (still attached inside me) resting along my thigh. The baby whined slightly, but seemed to be calm. Time seemed to stop. “Boy that was fast, that happened so fast” Scott said. I wasn’t thinking anything except “hello there, hello my baby”. After a few minutes, Natalie asked if we wanted to see what we got….I hadn’t even thought about finding out the sex. All that mattered was this perfect, small creature resting against me. Scott helped unravel the baby from the towels the midwives had quickly wrapped around, and Natalie gently positioned the baby so Scott could see. A little girl!! All this time, all those punches, kicks, hiccups, internal caresses, all this time it was you, my sweet Baby Girl.

As for my body, I was still having strong surges, but I could tell they were lessening in intensity. We wanted to save the cord blood, so Mary and Scott gently lifted us out of the tub; me holding our baby girl, them helping me. I got onto the bed again, and Mary quickly began doing whatever she needed to do to capture the cord blood. Natalie gave me some quick tips about nursing, so I instantly put the baby’s mouth on me to nurse. Within two minutes, our new miracle was suckling away. She had latched! I felt another surge come, and was instructed by Mary to bear down once more. She assisted me by pressing into my abdomen with her hand. I felt the goopy mass gloop out me, and there was that beautiful home-organ that housed, fed and protected our baby. The wondrous placenta. I was encapsulating the placenta for my consumption, so Natalie packaged it up to be sent home with us. Mary let me know I had slightly torn and would be needing two stitches. Our baby only weighed 5lbs 11 oz, but I was still going to need to be mended. The birthing center did have lidocaine that Mary had to inject into me with a needle. Ouch. I felt that, much like you do at the dentist, only in my no-longer private areas. Even with the lidocaine, I felt every bit of those two stitches, but I was assured by Mary my husband would thank me later. ;)

While Mary was attending to me, Scott held the baby for the first time. I could see his awe and instantaneous love. It solidified for me in that moment what a wonderful father he would always be to her. He also took this moment to tell me why he had had to leave at the beginning of our labor journey. He had gone to pick up my “Push Gift” which was a beautiful Gucci diaper bag. He is always so thoughtful.

The midwives finished attending to me, so Scott came to the bed with our daughter. We all three laid there together and just cuddled. Those first few moments as a family will stay with me as one of the happiest and most complete moments of my life. After some time, we allowed our family into the room to meet the baby. We told everyone her sweet name, Sawyer Estela. After four hours of visitations, a slow and gentle shower for me and some family rest, we were told we could go home with our new baby. It was 11:45PM, February 12th, 2011.


The most powerful and most effective tool to birth a healthy baby is the mind of it's mother.