You're pregnant!

With, like....a BABY! Congratulations! Maybe you've planned and dreamed of this child, or maybe it was a surprise that this human soul chose you. Either way you are POSH, even though I know you might be struggling not to puke. Who decided to call it 'morning sickness' anyway? It can hit at anytime and for some women (like me) can last all day long. To deal, eat what sounds palatable even if that means nothing but hangover food or bland oatmeal. Don't stress too much about your diet right now, after the early nausea fades you might be surprised at how you suddenly crave everything fresh and green and will more than make up for these days of no calories at worst or greasy carb cals at best. Mint or ginger tea, ginger ale, snacking on crackers first thing in the morning and through the day, wearing accupressure bands, taking naps and forcing yourself get a little exercise are some other ways to make it through. Hang in there!

The early weeks and months of a new pregnancy can bring so much emotion, a feeling of disbelief and a compulsion to stare at those two pink lines on the pee stick, asking yourself 'Is this really real?' Wondering if this baby will stick, being so afraid to lose what you just found out you have. Looking in the mirror and searching to see in the reflection of the young woman looking back at you... a mother.

Getting used to the idea of being pregnant and becoming a mother can be overwhelming enough, those conflicting feelings of fear and excitement along with stress and confusion make it very attractive to put all your faith and trust in an authority figure who tells you exactly what to do and simply does it to you. Especially for a woman in a patriarchal culture where her compliance and submission is expected the thought of questioning the orders of a highly educated and skilled professional who has seen hundreds of babies born can seem simply foolish.

I am here to let you know that you know more than you think, and to assure you that you are already a super-posh mom! And to implore you to educate yourself so you can be truly confident in agreeing to any treatment or intervention through your pregnancy and birth, and just as confident in declining them. The world wide web has a plethora of information and mis-information to offer, inspiring and frightening stories alike. It can be easy to lose yourself in a pit of despair after reading upsetting things and decide to simply close yourself off from information entirely, especially when friends advise you to do so. Good intentions of course are behind such advice, coming from friends and family is one thing but coming from your care provider is another. It gives me chills when I hear women say their doctors discouraged them from googling, a care provider who truly is objective and has you and your baby's best interests at heart will always encourage your education, awareness and informed involvement.

Whenever a diagnosis is given, a treatment or intervention recommended please google your lovely pregnant fingers off! My personal criteria when looking for information on an issue is at the very least to read from two obstetrical/mainstream sources, two midwifery/holistic sources and at least one personal story. Some might strike fear into my heart, yes. And I might find myself more confused than I was before. But after giving myself some time to reflect and apply reason to the information I've digested has always led me to an answer and/or a list of questions to find answers to which lead me to my ultimate answer. The one that is right for ME. What's right for YOU will be different.

Each woman is on her own journey, it takes a lifetime of triumphs and mistakes. Mistakes that are perfectly fine to make, we do the best we can with the information we have in the moment. It is so easy to look back with regret, and say 'I should have been more prepared, I should have tried harder, I should have could have....why didn't I???' Give yourself grace, recognize appropriate guilt and learn from it and throw unnecessary guilt straight out the window as hard as you can, you are way too posh for that.

Life tends to get pretty real pretty quickly once you are responsible for a new human life, and when things get real eliminating the superflous, especially that which causes undue stress and worry is something you might want to think about. Which brings me to early prenatal testing, the first intervention to your pregnancy you will offered or pressured into.

I don't know what the statistics say, but anecdotally in my experience with personal friends and family early ultrasound scans too often result in misdiagnosis of fetal development problems which can immediately place you in a high-risk category. Even if further testing confirms no problems at all, the stage is set for your pregnancy and your care provider may still classify you as high risk and you may carry that fear through pregnancy and birth and beyond. Those tears you cry at your baby's birth should be primarily of pride and overwhelming joy, not simply relief that your baby is alive with all limbs.

So what is the point of early prenatal testing? Screening for chromosomal abnormalities can put parents minds at ease, having evidence your baby is perfectly healthy is so reassuring and if you get news that your child is missing a genetic marker it can be comforting to have that information to emotionally prepare yourself for a child with special needs. However, parental peace of mind is a by-product of these test results and not the true purpose - which is to limit the care providers liability. Over 90% of parents choose not prepare for a child with special needs, usually the decision to terminate is made and the earlier an abortion the less complicated it is which is the reason behind the rush for further testing when there are worrisome spots seen on a fetal brains. Doctors get sued big-time for failing to give parents this information and option.

Yep, told you things got really real real fast didn't I? The question of terminating a pregnancy in light of evidence of fetal development abnormalities is a reality you'll need to think about and decide where you stand. Along with assessing risk factors reflecting on your personal beliefs regarding human right to life, awareness of people with special needs and the support your community offers along with personal resources available to you will be your best guide in deciding whether to have these tests at all and if you do, determining your action in the case of positive results.

Ultrasound - It's quite the cultural phenomenon that today we are so used to watching life on screen that the images we see visually translate to reality more than the flutters we feel internally inches underneath our own skin. Ultrasound can bring tremendous joy and relief, seeing the pulse of your baby's heartbeat and the shape of a large head and developing body can be so exciting, RadiologyInfo.org offers a basic explanation description of fetal ultrasound and under the category of 'Risk' declares there are no known harmful effect on humans, while under the category of 'Limitations' admits that ultrasound cannot identify all fetal abnormalities and under suspicions of such a pregnant woman may be advised to to undergo more invasive testing such as amniocentesis. The abstract of a study at NCBI also describes ultrasound technology as regarded to be safe to the fetus, while with the same breath says the safety is unknown with the increasing use of the Doppler and modern 3-D and 4-D machines. Another study with the goal of determining practitioner knowledge of the safety of diagnostic ultrasound concluded that the majority were poorly informed. A big fat IDK from me....I feel like ultrasounds are so minimally invasive and carry quite a low risk overall, but concerns about early miscarriage and suspected links to autism made me cautious enough to wait until 20 weeks into my last pregnancy to have an ultrasound scan, knowing my baby (surprise...babies!) was mine to show what it meant to be loved as long as I could no matter what. There is a difference between correlation and causation, keep your eye on continuing research and consider being conservative in what you expose your baby to, an article at Health Gather presents a host of informative links on the risks.

CVS (Choronic Villius Sampling) - the next test to be offered or scheduled after a first early ultrasound that may or may not show something to be concerned about, American Pregnancy describes the nature of this diagnostic test which uses a needle to remove cells from the placenta at 10-13 weeks along in pregnancy. Looking for chromosomal abnormalities and genetic disorders, American Pregnancy claims high levels of accuracy without a measure of severity. Miscarriage is the greatest risk involved with this procedure occurring in 1 out of every hundred tests with a 1% chance of a false positive.

Amniocentesis - Described at WebMD as a test where a needle is inserted through the mother's abdomen into the uterus, taking a sample of amniotic fluid to test for birth defects. This test carries risks of miscarriage, injury to both mother and baby, infection and preterm labor. Dr. Kenneth F. Trofatter explores these risks at Healthline.com.

It's up to you to decide if these tests are worth it, and what you will do with the resulting information. Personal stories have always been the most persuasive to me, and the ones involving the intended birth of a child with health challenges and disabilities are especially moving.

Please search for information, and search your heart. If you feel that burning desire to be a parent...what is at the core of your passion? Is it personal growth that comes with working through the challenges of your life? Exploring your capacity to serve? Finding the ever-expanding boundaries of your giving heart and the depths of which you are willing to learn, being humbled giving your all to another? This is what true parenting is. Your life is REAL. So is the gift of that heart beating in your belly. And most likely it belongs to a perfectly healthy and perfectly beautiful child who is yours to love and care for. Protect them and realistically expect the best!

Other general advice for this time.....it's never too early to start prepping your skin for the impending stretch with natural oils, and since you're probably taking a nosedive on nutrition, drink up as many vitamins as you can in the form of infused teas of nettles and red raspberry leaf.

And take a nap, you're exhausted mama.