Mothers don't breastfeed. BABIES breastfeed!
So basic, so TRUE! When I understood this my relationship with my babies changed forever.
Breastfeeding, like pregnancy and birth is a relationship completely unique to you and your baby and one that should have absolutely NO RULES. You may have challenges along the way ranging from latch problems with a tounge-tied baby to inverted nipples to thrush or an infection of mastitis, unrealistic expectations, lack of information (or worse, bad information), unsupportive family and friends or in rare cases
insufficient glandular tissue to lactate.
But in the beginning with your beautiful new baby, let's start off assuming the most realistic scenario: That your body will continue to nourish and comfort your baby just as effortlessly as it did during their gestation and that your baby will continue grow and thrive instinctively.
So for an activity that really should have no rules....here are my rules! :)
1. Be patient, be calm and assume trust in your baby, trust in your body, and trust in the natural design of nurturing life. Your baby can sense your stress and will respond accordingly and they will also chill out when you do.
2. Your newborn has strong survival instincts, let them take the lead and be amazed! Whether your new baby wants to nurse
every 45 minutes or is a sleeper going 3 hours between meals, watch them carefully and respond with respect to their needs. Know that in those early days a tiny bit of colostrum is just what their tiny tummy needs which
will grow exactly as intended with generous access to your breasts.
3. Along with
being laid-back, literally....LAY BACK. Traditionally mothers have been taught to sit up straight or lean forward in a special nursing glider with their feet propped up on a special nursing stool with an expensive nursing pillow supporting their baby while they figure out whether to do a 'football' or a 'cradle' hold. Where did this proper positioning posture originate anyway?
If it's not practical, it's not posh! Sitting upright and hunching over is murder on your back, neck, shoulders and energy. No wonder so many women find breastfeeding so hard on their bodies and want to quit. I know I did. So lay down on your regular old bed or your couch, put that silly Boppy behind your back and arrange other pillows to support your head, shoulders, arms and elbows and get comfortable laying down. Resting like you should be Posh Mama. Lay your darling little baby upright and right on top of you. Their tummy to your tummy, their head near your breast, both of you as unclothed as possible in a warm room. Drop your shoulders and take a long relaxed breath.
4. Stroke your baby's sweet face, cuddle, talk, engage and observe. Is their mouth opening, their head bobbing and searching? Let them find your nipple, giving gentle guidance if you feel they need it. Opening your own mouth wide can help them do the same thing as they love to mimic you. Gently pressing your nipple between your fingers to make a nipple sandwich and brushing it upward against their lips can help a baby find their best latch. Little flanged lips around your nipple is what you're looking for and what will feel the best for both of you.
5. Drop your shoulders again, take a deep breath. It can be natural to tense up so be conscious of holding tension in your body and release it as needed. Enjoy! Nurse to sleep....sleep to nurse. Rest and be with your baby, it's what you both need. Make nursing time your resting time, not clock-in time. Your baby is the one doing the hard work! Let them.
6. If breastfeeding is how you really want to feed your baby for the long haul, keep all artificial substitutes far away in those early months. Don't stress yourself out thinking
'Oh I hope I can make enough milk!' You know what makes you make milk? YOUR BABY. Their presence, their demand. Even when they are doing the non-nutritive comfort nursing and you find yourself saying '
Alright this is prime real estate, get milk or get off babe!' Stop. Realize they are sending important messages to your body on a hormonal level, investing in their future supply. Shrinking your uterus and giving you an oxytocin ride while they're at it. Little geniuses! Give them a thank-you kiss and let them stay at your breast.
7. Remember to get yourself comfortable FIRST and then get your baby comfy on you, tummy to tummy. Nursing positions will vary as you get more confident and as your baby grows, the best nursing holds are the ones you make up yourself. Ever heard of 'The Double Stack'? Or 'Bobbing Baby Sleeping Lioness'? I have. Before you know it you'll be doing breastfeeding gymnastics with your one-year old. What, you've never heard of yoga breastfeeding?
My friend Mary has.
8. DO NOT think about the future. It's tempting to say
'Okay I'm giving this 6 weeks! Or 6 months! ...Or 'till I go back to work.' SHHHHHHH. Shhhhhhh. Take one day at a time. Nursing a newborn is SO different than nursing a 4 month old which is different than nursing an 8 month old which is light years different than nursing a 2 year old. Be in the moment. Do what you can. You are SO posh, you are doing it!!! And your baby is getting so fat and damn cute feeding off your body, and wow I know you probably haven't looked in the mirror lately but you're looking pretty cute yourself and thinner by the day. Yep I'm not lying to you, it's true. And it doesn't have to be 'all or nothing'. You can give your baby pumped milk or formula while they're away from you as you work and you can still enjoy nursing them in the morning and at night.
9. Throw guilt out the window. I'm 100% with Ina May when she says that 'No mother should breastfeed out of guilt.' Breastfeeding should be a mutually beneficial relationship, nature designed it that way but in our busy modern lives sometimes that just does not jive. That's OK. I have used formula when it's gotten me through the day. From Similac to Earth's Best to
making your own or buying from milk banks or contacting
Eats On Feets you have SO many options when you need help. Explore them and make your best choice!
10. Be confident attending to your baby's most basic need WHEREVER YOU ARE. In most states thankfully,
the law is on your side. Public breastfeeding does not equal indecent exposure, it's really pretty easy to turn your back and use a blanket, burp cloth or
sling to gain a bit of privacy if you need. I know it's a big leap to go from showing off your gorgeous breasts for sex appeal or covering them for modesty to suddenly using them for utility. And ugh that creepy dude watching you is very rightly freaking you out. Protect yourself and your baby, but embrace the opportunity to look normal people in the eyes and smile when they see you caring for your baby so beautifully.
In those early weeks of newborn life it's a dance of hormones between you and your baby as you both adjust to a new way of nourishment. The more a baby sleeps in the day the more they will eventually sleep at night. The more they nurse at night, the more they will eventually find sleep in the night. The focus now is on meeting their emotional needs so closely tied to the physical. Motherly and fatherly love as the constant factor rather than
clocked feedings or expectations of naps will create TRUE stability in their little hearts and minds. They will join the rest of the family in the natural rhythm of the day as they grow - which will be plenty soon enough! The time for more direction will come, but with an infant it's all about on demand.
Watch your baby carefully, be patient and assume success but seek assistance for anything that causes you concern. I know it's nerve-wracking to stress over
'how much milk are they getting?' Coming straight from your breasts it's impossible to know the ounces consumed. Is your baby keeping you busy changing wet and dirty diapers? Are they growing pinker and more alert each day? If they aren't growing plumper right away don't be too concerned as it's normal for an infant to lose around 10% of their body weight in those early days, a
mechanical hanging scale and sling can help you keep a close eye on weight and make you confident in asking for guidance from your midwife, lactation consultant or pediatrician.
To nurse is to nurture, to bond and be loved.
Wishing
Victoria Beckham the BEST as she prepares to be her poshest ever!
