Has been the latest in snark and spouting of opinions upon announcement of another Duggar on the way. Opinions that are totally valid to express as everyone has their right to one especially concerning people who purposefully put themselves in the limelight on reality television, their lives sensationalized for our viewing pleasure and the padding of their paycheck.
The harsh words so many have for Duggars' however, are also valid to critique as they reveal much about our cultural views on parenthood, family structure, birth choices, reproductive freedom, politics and religion.
The Deranged Housewife tackled the myths, rumors and most vitriolic comments many large families endure these days, ending her essay with focus on the core issue ~ the basic human right of reproduction.
The comments that bother me the most have been centered on the premature birth of their last child, evidently brought on by Michelle Duggar's condition of preeclampsia. She had the same condition years ago with her second pregnancy, and evidently some people believe she should have stopped there rather than continue the risky business of bringing forth new life. This attitude displays a lack of compassion for babies born with health challenges and accepts the ideas that a woman is not capable of making her own decisions regarding pregnancy and birth and that the female body is defective and a dangerous place for her child. These messages are so damaging to mothers who have been wrongly told they cannot or shouldn't have children, or who are healing from birth trauma, or caring for premature babies with disabilities. I applaud Michelle for continuing to make the decisions she and her husband knew were right for their family and securing appropriate maternity services to provide the best possible care for both herself and her children. Life has it's challenges, that doesn't mean you give up! Especially not on your babies.
I actually don't know much about the Duggar family having never watched a full episode of their show and only reading the random article here and there. Talk about their use of Michael and Debi Pearl's book
To Train Up a Child and the rumor they live according to
Quiverfull Patriarchy is concerning, but in absence of evidence of abuse concern is as far as it goes for me. I do love seeing big families, and while twenty is highly unusual these days a lot of happy loved kids is a beautiful sight. My own family boasts four and most places we go we are the largest family and it is nothing but fun. Most people say they can't imagine more than two children and go down the list of why they stopped having babies: The money, the size of their home, the lack of extended family and/or resources to support the daily work of childcare, the need to work to pay the bills or find fulfillment, the size of their vehicle, getting 'me time', the cost of college, etc. We had the same reasons for deciding our family size was all we could handle....and the farther away I get from that decision the more I wonder how good those reasons are as they are based in materialism, desires for personal freedom and the fear of burden of responsibility. As different as they live from my own day-to-day I find the many ways the Duggars and other large families have rejected much of the mainstream in order to make life more welcoming to more little lives to be endearing and inspiring.
There have been many comments expressing frustration over the unfairness of the high fertility of some while others remain childless yet filled with the desire to parent. It's an exercise in futility to look for rationality when emotions are running high, but anger directed at those who nurture abundant life only grows seeds of negativity in your own heart. How does what one family chooses affect another? Obviously it's not like if Michelle Duggar had one less child another woman would be gifted one. However, in indirect ways the decisions each person makes and the cultural standard for accepting and respecting life has effect on us all.
In her book
Concious Conception Jeannine Parvati Baker presents her theories regarding the reasons for infertility, a central theme is the prevalence of chemical birth control and the surgical termination of a developing fetus - abortion, and the repercussions these practices have on the subconscious collective mind and the hostility to life that is bred and born. In many mainstream circles it is preferred to not discuss abortion at all, to sweep it behind the curtain as 'A Woman's Choice' and nothing more while ridiculing and denigrating a woman who chooses to bear many children by deeming her everything from 'gross' to 'selfish' to 'crazy' and 'unfit' to the point her sterilization is called for abounds in public discussion. Wow, that really says a lot about us doesn't it? It says a lot when those who claim to be feminists vehemently fight for the right for violence to have an acceptable place in our wombs while abhorring the woman who uses her body over and over again to protect and give life, resorting to such ugliness as
calling her vagina a clown car.
What else does it say about birthing rights? The inalienable right a procreative couple has to produce offspring, and the inalienable right for autonomy in giving birth that so many women are wrongly denied? Is it a coincidence that the demand for abortion rights casts a mother and child as enemies, and the rights of women who want to carry their pregnancies to term and continue to care for their children are restricted? We see this struggle manifested in the current
pro-life push for Personhood which is extremely distressing to me as it does nothing to address the root causes of abortion, criminalizes desperate women and strips rights from birthing mothers.
To the posh women of the world, stand up for your rights and the rights of your children, the basic rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness that is not any government's to grant. Make your childbearing decisions consciously, choose procreative partners wisely,
learn your body and protect it, pass on these lessons to your sons and daughters.
Reject the message that mothering is demeaning, live and love it for what it truly is - esteeming.
