The Facts Of Life

Are not always perfectly posh. They can be devastating and tragic, and have no comprehensible reason. They can change you forever, shake your faith to the ground and make you angry with your God. They can be so hard to think about, and you definitely want to employ the gatekeeper to your mind to shut those creeping worries out of your head before you have a heart attack and go spiraling into a tearful pit of despair over something that hasn't happened but nearly did....or could any second.

In many ways these are survival instincts that keep us on our toes and inspire us to protect ourselves and especially our young ones. But there is something about pregnancy that carries so much hope and so much fear that it becomes very attractive to stick your head in the sand and refuse to even think about the real possibility of tragedy, especially when we have the miracles of modern medicine at our disposal. Let's just do what the doctor says, they'll do everything in their power which surely will gaurantee me a perfect healthy bundled up clean baby at the end. ...right?

What country do you live in? One where less than 1% of all births take place outside a hospital and ranks second as worst in the entire world for infant mortality? One where maternal mortality is currently rising? How does your care provider treat newborns born gray and quiet, not breathing? Do they immediately cut off their life support and whisk them far away from their primary care.... YOU? Or do they honor and utilize the most efficient resuscitation equipment ever created that every baby comes naturally packing? What is their success rate with resuscitation?

Important, scary questions I know. Ones that you HAVE to ask Posh Mama! Ones that I had to seriously ask when I planned my twin homebirth. I had to face the harrowing reality that one or both of my babies might not be born healthy and I had to figure out how my husband and I would deal, what resources were accessible to us, who we wanted attending, what skills they possessed to respond. But are these only questions for those who homebirth, or freebirth? Taking it upon yourself to take responsibility rather than assuming you'll just sue whoevers in charge brings life to a new level of real. But shouldn't EVERY woman no matter where she is birthing and who she chooses to assist her take the same questions seriously? YES. My resounding answer is YES! Especially when you figure that homebirth hater Dr. Amy claims the majority of the time parents do not win malpractice lawsuits, the doctors and lawyers do. Huh, go figure.

So let me get this straight....I can walk into a hospital fully pregnant with a healthy baby and let the obstetrical professionals manage every detail from induction to painkillers to episiotomy to applying forceps or performing cesarean surgery to extract my baby who is immediately taken away and if my child is injured or dies a court of law will determine that everything in human capacity was done to save their life. End of story. If my baby was hurt or died at home of course the question of whether being in a hospital could have made a difference would haunt me for life.....but if my baby was hurt or died in the hospital under the circumstances above I would also be forever haunted at the question of whether taking responsibility rather than putting it on someone else would have made a difference in the outcome.

A google search for 'birth injury or wrongful death' brings up a million malpractice ads that would lead you to believe you could be granted millions of dollars in the case of tragedy. Really, would millions of dollars after years of litigation be a comfort for the loss of my child? My answer is NO! A resounding HELL NO.

Which is why I had to put all of that aside, ignore the doctors and lawyers and insurers to determine on my own accord what was the healthiest and safest way to protect my children and increase potential for their survival. It would be nice if I survived too by the way. I knew that taking it upon myself didn't guarantee a perfect outcome either but at the very least it did guarantee that the interest of my children were of utmost importance. Not hospital policy, not the doctors or midwife's reputation, not the insurer's liability. When LOVING PARENTS are the ultimate decision makers a childs' welfare is most protected. You cannot ignore or underestimate the power of taking on liability that drives the decisions of care providers. And we cannot ignore our culture's increasing unrealistic expectations of being guaranteed a perfect child that drive the threat of litigation.

It is wise to consult those who have studied birth, seen hundreds of babies born and dealt with all sorts of complications. Take their opinions to heart and consider their recommendations carefully but search and trust your own heart ultimately, leaning on reason to make your decisions. Love and sex and birth are NORMAL of the human experience, to be embraced and expected the best of when responsible thoughtful engaged beings are at play. Most likely joy and bliss and blessings beyond your dreams await you!

The current birth scene is a hard one to navigate, where some mothers feel so traumatized by obstetrics they label their experience as birth rape. When trauma from previous experience drives a mother to put herself and her child in danger by not seeking medical assistance that is clearly needed, that is tragic. Tragic that good doctors and nurses have failed within the system, tragic that a mother has not been able to heal and continues the cycle of being a victim and in turn makes a victim of her child. My experiences with hospitals and OB's have not been good, and my knee-jerk reaction has been to not only stay out of the hospital myself but encourage other mothers to birth outside a hospital setting. This is not what's best for women and babies, to be motivated by fear either way. What is best is to encourage parents to take responsibility for their lives, their children, their choices. To make decisions proactively based in reason rather than defensively based in emotion. To be informed of the function and capability of your own body and aware of the resources available, to find confidence in choosing professionals when you need or want assistance, professionals who have skills to offer along with respect for patient autonomy. They are out there! The more we expect and demand them, the more there will be. Ideally utilizing nature fully and using medicine judiciously in harmony, why should nature and medicine be so at odds and considered such a threat to each other, putting mothers and babies at risk in the middle? There are SO many ways to birth a baby and what's right for yours is as unique as you are.

So what did I do?

Well I didn't find a mad scientist to prematurely extract my babies and put them in a jar to grow under careful scientific watch until full gestation, attempting to control tragedy and limiting humanity along with it. I did what I always do when I'm faced with a problem, I made a practical list. A few lists actually. Lists of the most probable and possible complications that I would seek further assistance for. Lists of the care providers accessible in order of distance and neonatal care capacity. Lists of people to pray for us. I also asked questions - a LOT of them. Of my midwife, my perinatologist, the head L&D nurse at the nearest hospital, even the guys at the paramedic station down the road. Visiting their office on a very pregnant afternoon I wanted to see the folks face to face who would respond to my 911 call and give them a map to my house and the gate code. Just FYI guys, thanks.


You never know what's around the corner in life, in the delicate hours of birth or catching a ball for your boy at a baseball game. There are no easy answers, no guarantees.

Which is why you gotta be posh! Think for yourself, do your best and know that life cannot be completely controlled. Only your response, your loving and humble attitude, the grace you give yourself and extend to others is what makes the difference in making it when the unthinkable happens. Most likely it won't but the reality is always that it could. Prepare accordingly.