Jewel's Fit Pregnancy

I have long admired singer-songwriter and self-made woman Jewel for her talent, determination and confidence. Expecting her first child with husband Ty Murray, she is enjoying her new adventure to the fullest and already being the poshest of moms by taking responsibility for her baby, her birth and her body.

Some of my favorite quotes from her recent interview with Fit Pregnancy include:

I’m feeling really great, I’m enjoying pregnancy much more than I thought I would. It is a privilege and I feel lucky that I get to do it.

It IS truly a privilege isn't it?? And what a lucky little one her baby already is, feeling all that that positive energy and I'm sure already enjoying original lullabies from her mother's angelic voice.

I’ve been using Nature’s Sunshine products. The company has great lines—its LIV-J is designed to support liver function and that helps cuts down on the nausea. I worked with Ellen Tart-Jensen, she’s the daughter-in-law of a famous doctor, Bernard Jensen, and Kimberly Balasa—both are doctors of naturopathy. If you can, it’s really worthwhile to do it—you have to make sure your care provider is very qualified in supplements and herbs and nutrition. Kimberly goes off blood work, and my levels are all doing great. Naturopathic doctors are the wave of the future, I believe they helped me get and stay pregnant.

Way to explore options for health care! I've had such great experiences with 5W from Nature's Sunshine, I hope Jewel's doctors recommend it to her in those last 5 weeks of pregnancy to support her uterus for a strong and productive labor.

Well, I’ve gotten big now, but you know what surprised me is how much I have enjoyed dressing while pregnant, I’ve found really cute clothes and I dress up more now than I did before. It’s really fun.

Bump style's a blast right? Love her cover look for the magazine.



I’ve always been a workhorse, and I’ve been supporting myself since I was 15. I enjoy hard work, I love setting goals and achieving them. So I’ve had to learn to slow it down and get some rest, which I haven’t minded.

Listening to your body, taking time off to tune in and giving yourself the rest you need to direct energy inward and grow your baby is SO important!

I enjoyed (exercise) before and kept it up—at first I was doing rigorous cardio, then slowed down to the elliptical and now I’m doing Julie Tupler’s program, it’s nice to be able to keep up with your abs. I also kept riding up until a couple weeks ago.

Keeping active with exercise you enjoy is just as important as finding time for rest, modifying the activity to fit your current energy level and abilities will keep your body strong and your baby safe. SO excited that Jewel has discovered Julie Tupler's brilliant technique to keep strengthen abdominal muscles and protect her pelvic floor through it all. It will pay off, I promise!

Knowledge really is power. The more you can educate yourself, the better. Your body and your health are your responsibility. I love doctors, but I have to live with the decisions I make. Make sure you get your questions answered, and never feel that you are doubting your doctor by asking a question—a good doctor won’t feel that way, either.

Every woman, no matter her education level has the ability and should take the responsibility of learning about her own body, her growing baby, and be respected as the ultimate decision maker and authority on protecting her child's life. Jewel's right, at the end of the day it is YOU who has to live the outcome of decisions made. Don't let them be made without your consent or full understanding and don't let fear, irrational worry, or anyone else's bottom line be more important than you and your baby.

Congratulations to Jewel on her baby and her beautiful life!

recommended reading

Going from clueless new mother to constant aspiring learner of all things family has left me with a list (and want to read list) of books, blogs and websites in which to find comfort, inspiration and information. I have always enjoyed exposure to vastly differing viewpoints and philosophies in order to challenge myself and what I think I know, and find my true heart.

After finding serious beef with Babywise, I have pushed to the side any book or expert who comes from an authoritarian point of view or whose mission lies in controlling and training children for the purpose of making the parent's life easier or bringing them glory. Whatever that's supposed to mean.

So I will not be listing those titles here even though a few of them are still on my bookshelves, for reference. I would love to share and GROW my master list of resources that explore the brilliance of the natural design and purpose of family, that respect and esteem children, that observe and explain human development and emphasize gentleness, that embolden the truth of grace and love as ultimate authority.

Help me out and add to my list! ....I know I'm forgetting some. A few of these may contain ideas and advice I don't 100% agree with, but holding out for perfection is a waste of time right? Besides, it's all just reference anyway as when it comes down to it I'm the true expert. :) Let me know what you love to read that jives with this paradigm, I'll thank you forever for your posh knowledge and generosity.

Childbirth & Newborn Care

Ina May's Guide to Childbirth

Spiritual Midwifery by Ina May Gaskin

Gentle Birth

Ina May's Guide to Breastfeeding

KellyMom

Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering: A Doctor's Guide to Natural Birth and Gentle Early Parenting Choices

Pregnancy, Childbirth and the Newborn

Gloria Lemay

Childbirth Without Fear by Grantly Dick Read

Unassisted Childbirth

Pushed By Jennifer Block

Prenatal Yoga and Natural Childbirth by Jeannine Parvati Baker

Active Birth by janet Balaskas

The Birth Book by William & Martha Sears

Breastfeeding Made Simple

Complementary Feeding: Nutrition, Culture and Politics

Baby-Led Weaning

Emergency Childbirth by Gregory J. White

Sarah Buckley

Happiest Baby On The Block by Harvey Karp


Child Development & Discipline

The Ames & Ilg series (verrry old, but classic!)

Sign With Your Baby by Dr. Burton White

The Continuum Concept

The Toddler's Busy Book

The Wonder Weeks

Discipline Without Distress by Judy Arnall

Grace Based Parenting by Tim Kimmel

Boys Should Be Boys

Strong Fathers Strong Daughters by Meg Meeker

Conscious Parenting

The Attachment Parenting Book by William & Martha Sears

Peaceful Parenting

the basics of breastfeeding

Mothers don't breastfeed. BABIES breastfeed!

So basic, so TRUE! When I understood this my relationship with my babies changed forever.

Breastfeeding, like pregnancy and birth is a relationship completely unique to you and your baby and one that should have absolutely NO RULES. You may have challenges along the way ranging from latch problems with a tounge-tied baby to inverted nipples to thrush or an infection of mastitis, unrealistic expectations, lack of information (or worse, bad information), unsupportive family and friends or in rare cases insufficient glandular tissue to lactate.

But in the beginning with your beautiful new baby, let's start off assuming the most realistic scenario: That your body will continue to nourish and comfort your baby just as effortlessly as it did during their gestation and that your baby will continue grow and thrive instinctively.

So for an activity that really should have no rules....here are my rules! :)

1. Be patient, be calm and assume trust in your baby, trust in your body, and trust in the natural design of nurturing life. Your baby can sense your stress and will respond accordingly and they will also chill out when you do.

2. Your newborn has strong survival instincts, let them take the lead and be amazed! Whether your new baby wants to nurse every 45 minutes or is a sleeper going 3 hours between meals, watch them carefully and respond with respect to their needs. Know that in those early days a tiny bit of colostrum is just what their tiny tummy needs which will grow exactly as intended with generous access to your breasts.

3. Along with being laid-back, literally....LAY BACK. Traditionally mothers have been taught to sit up straight or lean forward in a special nursing glider with their feet propped up on a special nursing stool with an expensive nursing pillow supporting their baby while they figure out whether to do a 'football' or a 'cradle' hold. Where did this proper positioning posture originate anyway? If it's not practical, it's not posh! Sitting upright and hunching over is murder on your back, neck, shoulders and energy. No wonder so many women find breastfeeding so hard on their bodies and want to quit. I know I did. So lay down on your regular old bed or your couch, put that silly Boppy behind your back and arrange other pillows to support your head, shoulders, arms and elbows and get comfortable laying down. Resting like you should be Posh Mama. Lay your darling little baby upright and right on top of you. Their tummy to your tummy, their head near your breast, both of you as unclothed as possible in a warm room. Drop your shoulders and take a long relaxed breath.

4. Stroke your baby's sweet face, cuddle, talk, engage and observe. Is their mouth opening, their head bobbing and searching? Let them find your nipple, giving gentle guidance if you feel they need it. Opening your own mouth wide can help them do the same thing as they love to mimic you. Gently pressing your nipple between your fingers to make a nipple sandwich and brushing it upward against their lips can help a baby find their best latch. Little flanged lips around your nipple is what you're looking for and what will feel the best for both of you.



5. Drop your shoulders again, take a deep breath. It can be natural to tense up so be conscious of holding tension in your body and release it as needed. Enjoy! Nurse to sleep....sleep to nurse. Rest and be with your baby, it's what you both need. Make nursing time your resting time, not clock-in time. Your baby is the one doing the hard work! Let them.

6. If breastfeeding is how you really want to feed your baby for the long haul, keep all artificial substitutes far away in those early months. Don't stress yourself out thinking 'Oh I hope I can make enough milk!' You know what makes you make milk? YOUR BABY. Their presence, their demand. Even when they are doing the non-nutritive comfort nursing and you find yourself saying 'Alright this is prime real estate, get milk or get off babe!' Stop. Realize they are sending important messages to your body on a hormonal level, investing in their future supply. Shrinking your uterus and giving you an oxytocin ride while they're at it. Little geniuses! Give them a thank-you kiss and let them stay at your breast.

7. Remember to get yourself comfortable FIRST and then get your baby comfy on you, tummy to tummy. Nursing positions will vary as you get more confident and as your baby grows, the best nursing holds are the ones you make up yourself. Ever heard of 'The Double Stack'? Or 'Bobbing Baby Sleeping Lioness'? I have. Before you know it you'll be doing breastfeeding gymnastics with your one-year old. What, you've never heard of yoga breastfeeding? My friend Mary has.

8. DO NOT think about the future. It's tempting to say 'Okay I'm giving this 6 weeks! Or 6 months! ...Or 'till I go back to work.' SHHHHHHH. Shhhhhhh. Take one day at a time. Nursing a newborn is SO different than nursing a 4 month old which is different than nursing an 8 month old which is light years different than nursing a 2 year old. Be in the moment. Do what you can. You are SO posh, you are doing it!!! And your baby is getting so fat and damn cute feeding off your body, and wow I know you probably haven't looked in the mirror lately but you're looking pretty cute yourself and thinner by the day. Yep I'm not lying to you, it's true. And it doesn't have to be 'all or nothing'. You can give your baby pumped milk or formula while they're away from you as you work and you can still enjoy nursing them in the morning and at night.

9. Throw guilt out the window. I'm 100% with Ina May when she says that 'No mother should breastfeed out of guilt.' Breastfeeding should be a mutually beneficial relationship, nature designed it that way but in our busy modern lives sometimes that just does not jive. That's OK. I have used formula when it's gotten me through the day. From Similac to Earth's Best to making your own or buying from milk banks or contacting Eats On Feets you have SO many options when you need help. Explore them and make your best choice!

10. Be confident attending to your baby's most basic need WHEREVER YOU ARE. In most states thankfully, the law is on your side. Public breastfeeding does not equal indecent exposure, it's really pretty easy to turn your back and use a blanket, burp cloth or sling to gain a bit of privacy if you need. I know it's a big leap to go from showing off your gorgeous breasts for sex appeal or covering them for modesty to suddenly using them for utility. And ugh that creepy dude watching you is very rightly freaking you out. Protect yourself and your baby, but embrace the opportunity to look normal people in the eyes and smile when they see you caring for your baby so beautifully.

In those early weeks of newborn life it's a dance of hormones between you and your baby as you both adjust to a new way of nourishment. The more a baby sleeps in the day the more they will eventually sleep at night. The more they nurse at night, the more they will eventually find sleep in the night. The focus now is on meeting their emotional needs so closely tied to the physical. Motherly and fatherly love as the constant factor rather than clocked feedings or expectations of naps will create TRUE stability in their little hearts and minds. They will join the rest of the family in the natural rhythm of the day as they grow - which will be plenty soon enough! The time for more direction will come, but with an infant it's all about on demand.

Watch your baby carefully, be patient and assume success but seek assistance for anything that causes you concern. I know it's nerve-wracking to stress over 'how much milk are they getting?' Coming straight from your breasts it's impossible to know the ounces consumed. Is your baby keeping you busy changing wet and dirty diapers? Are they growing pinker and more alert each day? If they aren't growing plumper right away don't be too concerned as it's normal for an infant to lose around 10% of their body weight in those early days, a mechanical hanging scale and sling can help you keep a close eye on weight and make you confident in asking for guidance from your midwife, lactation consultant or pediatrician.

To nurse is to nurture, to bond and be loved.

Wishing Victoria Beckham the BEST as she prepares to be her poshest ever!

a conscious decision

My younger self, the one who would coo over and cuddle the three-legged dog on the street while never glancing in the direction of the cute baby strolling by, the one who had a very abstract idea of what it would be like to be a mom and just assumed I would be someday but never had that burn of baby fever. The one who thought the idea of a baby was fine, but a the idea of something so big coming out of my most pleasureable of small places...NOT FINE. Putting my hands over my ears with tightly closed eyes singing LA LA LA I can't hear you!!!' I mean HOW?? It just seems impossible! And horribly painful! I was lucky to receive comprehensive sex ed in school instead of abstinence-only and yeah, I still remember the horror of the birth video they showed on that unlucky day I decided to not skip class. Blood. Screams. Tearing. Torture. Ahhhhh!!! When that terrible day comes for me, give me drugs!! Better yet knock me out and cut me open, get babyperson out and wake me up when it's all over. I have a very low pain tolerance, after all. And I'm a petite girl, my hips probably aren't even wide enough anyway. Yes I once said all of those things.

That same younger self would have been completely appalled and offended at the suggestion that the level of pain and suffering a woman feels while giving birth is all in her head. How cruel and demeaning! How sexist! Pain in birth is like, a medical FACT! ....right?

Well...I'm no doctor or scientist but after doing it a time or two I have to say NO. The feeling of pain in birth is much too subjective to be factual. I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't experienced it myself but the state of my mind made a HUGE difference, and I'm not alone. Many, many MANY other women report the same thing. Hypnobirthing and Hypnobabies are two hugely successful techniques to help your mind take control of your matter. I have not taken formal classes of either method but it was reading Marie Mongan's Hypnobirthing book while expecting my second baby that had a profound influence in changing my perspective of the birth process and perception of pain. However, I also had the experience of my first birth to draw on.

Even though I had once said all those silly things and been completely afraid of the prospect of giving birth, for some reason the second I knew I was pregnant with my first baby I had a desire to 'do it naturally', though I honestly had little idea what that actually meant. A friend gave me a copy of Henci Goer's 'The Thinking Woman's Guide To A Better Birth' and that sealed the deal for me, I wanted to do whatever I had to in order to give my baby the best chance at being born healthy and myself the best chance of getting through the process with minimal injury. In exchange for that good outcome I saw myself as the sacrificial lamb who would have to face the fire. All through my pregnancy I wondered and worried 'How bad would it hurt?? Could I handle it? Would I be able to do it??' I expected excruciating pain, and as the Law of Expectancy promises, I got what I knew was coming. It sucked six ways from Sunday. I changed my mind and asked for an epidural the second I got to the hospital. An epidural and wheelchair actually is what I asked for. The wheelchair I got, the epidural I was told I had to wait for until an anesthesiologist was paged. EIGHT hours I laid there, hooked up to the heparin lock and tied to the delivery bed in torment that I made worse as each minute passed by. Tensing up and fighting every contraction that came, thinking of nothing but wanting it to stop, to be over. Actually I was thinking about more than that. Indulging in the depths of self-pity I focused on the pain, trying to decide what it felt like.....being torn apart and eaten alive by a pack of wild dogs? No, no....it definitely hurt more than that. Being engulfed by an internal fire, my organs burning and melting inside? Nope. Worse than that. A freight train running at full speed through my body, tearing my lower half away at the ribs? Yep, I'd say that's pretty much accurate. And honestly that's still a pretty good description of what strong contractions feel like to me, an unstoppable train with incredible force running right through me. I have found it amazing though, the difference in the exact same sensation when I stopped trying to do the impossible and stop it in it's tracks and instead decided to let that train run.

I never got the epidural I had wanted and after my daughter was finally born my sister in law asked me what it felt like. I replied 'IT HURT LIKE HELL!!!!' Under my breath I muttered 'And Ina May is totally full of shit.' I even wondered if next time I should just schedule a c-section.

But.....time passed. I healed quickly, was falling more in love with my daughter every second and heard the recovery challenges of friends who had cesareans and came back to reality to be grateful for the healthy vaginal birth I had. And I picked up Ina May again. And Childbirth Without Fear, and Active Birth, and the Hypnobirthing book. I planned to give birth to my next baby in a birthing center, far away from access to pain meds but I figured that what I experienced with my daughter hadn't killed me and there was no way it could possibly be worse. Pain schmain. Whatever. And I was going to have a beautiful new BABY at the end of it! That was all that really mattered to me now that I knew first-hand the overwhelming joy of motherhood.

My perspective was much bigger than myself the second time around. Everything was so much different at the birthing center than it had been at the hospital, I had access to a shower and bathtub to labor in and was able to lie down on a big comfortable bed any way I wanted when I needed rest. I had written inspiring thoughts and funny things and taped pictures of my daughter to note cards to reference when things got hard. I also had my husband to lean on. During labor being close to him, able to freely hug and kiss and laugh together was calming and kept my confidence high. But long before contractions started, talking out the challenge of mind over matter with my trusted partner is what prepared me the most.

When we were expecting our daughter we took a childbirth education class where the instructor was teaching 'pain avoidance techniques' like holding ice in your hand and finding your happy place while the freezing cold burned your skin. My husband said 'That's terrible advice, trying to escape is the LAST thing you should do. You gotta RIDE it, embrace it babe!' 'Oh please what could you possibly know about it?' I ignored him with an eyeroll. After what happened with my daughter, I realized that just maybe he had been right. 'Umm.....so babe what was that again about embracing it? Let's talk that through a bit, thanks.' So, with our son I made that conscious decision to ride it, to embrace it, to react softly, to allow the heat to permeate my every cell. When I decided to submit to the sensations and let that train run.....it felt a lot less like pain. It felt more like POWER! I was amazed at the strength of my body, proud of the incredible pressure of my internal muscles pushing my baby down and out. It all progressed so quickly, and felt completley manageable and peaceful. And then there he was, my boy! I saw the amazing power of the Law of Non-Resistance manifest physically. Doing more than facing my problem and choosing to full-on embrace it caused the challenge to fall away of it's own weight.

My friend Laura gave birth to her daughter in that same room at the birthing center. Her story is beautifully honest, and to me the poshest part is where she talks about making that conscious decision. Things change physically, and her baby is born soon after she makes that purposeful mental switch.

Laura & Sawyer


About three weeks ago, I attempted to add an entry to our Grubbito blog, when I was at 34 weeks. It was to be titled “The Final Countdown”. I was advised by the midwives to cease my exercise regiment until I reached 36 weeks, as the Birthing Center does not birth babies under 36 weeks. After the pre-natal visit, the baby was discovered to be extremely low and in birthing position, so they wanted me to kick up my heels, and fatten up me and the baby. That was music to my ears!! I took it easy and tried to eat heartily yet healthily.

I kept intending to update our blog so I could document how I was feeling and how the baby was doing, but I just kept getting busy at work, or Scott and I would go out, or I just plain forgot, and it never got updated.

So after making it to 36 weeks, which landed on a Wednesday, we felt like we were in the clear to have a healthy baby. The one thing I was stressed about was the state of our new house. We still had so many things in boxes sitting in our living room, every room disorganized, and the over-whelming sensation of the clock winding down. The Thursday into week 36, Kris and Amanda came over and miraculously transformed our house into a warm, charming home. With their artistic eye, they hung our photos and personalized art, and added their magic touch to bring life to our new nest.

The following Friday I woke up under the weather with a cold and called in sick to work. Coughing my head off, I did not want to disturb Scott from his rest, so I waddled into the living room to look upon our newly decorated living room. I turned on the TV and settled in to nap. Suddenly, around 8:00 am, I felt a sharp pain in my lower abdomen that felt very similar to a strong menstrual cramp. A few seconds later, I felt fluid and was instantly concerned. I went to the restroom and found pink-tinged fluid. I think at that moment, I knew my water had broken. I alerted Scott, who was getting ready to go out of town for a meeting. He told me to call the birthing center, which wasn’t open yet. After leaving a message, a midwife, Joan, called me shortly after. I explained my “symptoms” and she said it did sound like signs of early labor. She advised Scott and I to come in when we could, but there was no need to rush. I think we both felt excited yet completely unprepared. We hadn’t opened any baby furniture or necessary items for traveling with a baby, like a car seat, an overnight bag with clothes for the baby, or a bag for he and I for our birthing center stay. This baby, if I truly was in labor, was going to be almost a month early!

I was having mild contractions, but only every hour or so. I wanted to get sustenance, so we stopped at Taco Cabana, and I felt a large gush in the drive thru. We had called our mothers to let them know, and my mother came to meet us. When we arrived at the BC, and found the room we wanted, the Santa Fe room, wasn’t ready, we were put into the Victorian birthing room. Joan and a midwife assistant, Nicole, checked me to look for Amniotic fluid. Under a microscope, amniotic fluid looks like a fern, so they told me they were “looking for my fern”. I was certain my “fern” would be loud and clear, but to my surprise, they came back in and said there was no fern. I was surprised and disappointed. What could it be, then? We were sent home and Scott was going to leave for his out of town meetings.

At home, I was still leaking and feeling cramps every hour, when the midwives called us back. They both wanted to double check me, and Joan said she just “had a feeling”. My mother and I went back to the birthing center, and I told Scott I would call him with an update, Luckily, his out of town client re-scheduled with him so he was on his way home. Joan and Natalie checked me again, and sure enough, there was my fern! I asked them what that meant and she responded, “that means you are going to have a baby this weekend!” They did have some concerns regarding my labor, because I was so early, and because I had not had the required strep test to determine if I was carrying strep that could be passed into the baby during his/her delivery. Had I been in a hospital, they would have immediately put an IV into me with antibiotics for “preventative measures”. Joan told me the BC was required to inform me of the risk I carried by not having the strep test (passing it onto the baby during the delivery which, if left untreated, could lead to pneumonia). If I felt it was necessary to have the antibiotics, I would have had to go to the hospital as the BC did not administer them. Based on how healthy I had felt throughout the entire pregnancy, and how strong our little sprout had been in utero, I felt confidant that he/she would be delivered without any unnecessary medicine. I politely declined.

Because my surges were still an hour apart, I was sent home with several herbal tinctures to help kick start labor. They wanted me to be around five minutes apart before I returned, which is called “active labor”. I was told to go on walks, drink my tinctures and to have Scott “stimulate” my nipples, as this aides in boosting labor. It was around 5PM and Scott and I were determined to get labor going into high gear. Our good friends and neighbors, Allen and Shannon Cable were having a party at their house. We decided to take our boys, Toby and Yeager, for a walk to their house for the party. In true Scott and Laura fashion, we partied to the end! Everyone was surprised we were there and so supportive. I only had one contraction while there, and it was when we were saying goodbye to Shannon. I grasped onto her and had to breathe during the contraction. She hugged me through it and sent us on our way.

Scott and I nestled into the couch, with him behind me, stimulating, and me drinking my potions every half hour. Scott diligently kept record of when each surge came. We went to bed around 11PM, with the contractions around 45 minutes apart. Throughout the night, the surges woke me up with their intensity. I would have to get out of bed and lean over the side, all while trying to breathe through the pain. At this point, the pain was tolerable and felt much like a strong menstrual cramp that resounded in my abdomen and lower back. At around 6:30 in the morning, Joan called to check on us. My contractions at one point had gotten as close as seven minutes, but had gone back up to around every 40 minutes. She was getting off duty soon and would have the next midwife contact us in a few hours. I was beginning to feel a little nervous that I wasn’t progressing quickly enough. The BC needed me to be in active labor within 24 hours of my water bag rupturing. We were nearing that marker very quickly without much progress in the surges.

Around 8:30am on Saturday, we get a phone call from the new on-call midwife, Mary. I immediately recognized her voice and demeanor as the midwife I liked the least. Throughout my pregnancy, each prenatal visit was attended by a different midwife so we would have the chance to meet each one. During my appointment with Mary, she seemed to chastise me constantly for my active life. It made me uncomfortable and I remember saying to my Mother, who had been with me during the appointment, “I hope it’s not her I get”. So when she called, I was immediately disappointed. She asked for us to come in around 10:30am, and said “Be prepared to go to the hospital”, since I still hadn’t progressed to 5 minute contractions. Looking back, I wish Mary hadn’t said those discouraging words, as labor is extremely mental. As a midwife, I would have hoped that Mary would have known that her words could have been detrimental to my state of mind. As Scott and I were getting ready to leave, I burst into tears. “Everything is going wrong!” Scott calmed my by saying, “Let’s give her the benefit of the doubt and let’s have faith everything will work for us as we’ve planned”. That wouldn’t be the only time he was my soothing voice of reason and encouragement that day.

When we arrived to the BC, the room we had originally wanted, the Santa Fe room, was open and newly decorated. Now it was called the Barcelona room, which seemed fitting considering my hispanic lineage. I also took it as a first good sign. Mary checked my cervix and discovered I had dilated through the night to 3 cm. That was also good news! She gave us another deadline of dilating to at least 6 or 7 by 3:30pm. Though I was having consistent contractions, Mary indicated I was not in active labor because I was “engaging in conversation and making eye contact”. I thought this statement odd and slightly foreboding of what was to come. The room had a large bed, a big bath in the middle, it’s own bathroom and shower, and a table with chairs to sit at. We began to make ourselves comfortable and had invited both our moms to keep us company. I had prepared a playlist with my favorite soothing songs, and we listened to the music and visited, while Scott took pictures. I was still drinking my potions to get labor into full gear. Mary upped my dosage and suggested I drink castor oil. The castor oil lubricates you from the inside and is an old labor booster. We had asked the moms to leave to the waiting room so Scott could continue his stimulations. Scott asked me if he could leave to pick up something, and I gave him the green light. After drinking the disgusting mixture of castor oil and root beer, I began to feel nauseous. I was still concerned about being transferred to the hospital, so I was intent on keeping the castor oil down so it could aide in the labor effects. Scott returned form his errand and saw my demeanor had changed from nervous excitement to draining nausea. He said I looked green. Throughout the time we were there, Mary was coming and going infrequently because another woman was having a baby and Mary and her assistant, Natalie, were the only ones on duty. Not long after Scott returned to me in my nauseous state, he attempted to feed me some fresh fruit and crackers, but sadly, I was unable to keep them down. Like a volcano erupting, and maybe 45 minutes after drinking the concoction, I could not keep anything down. I threw up as hard and heartily as I ever have in my life. I immediately felt better in my stomach, but again, I was scared this would lead to my “deportation” to the hospital. Mary reappeared in the room about fifteen minutes of me losing the castor oil, and I felt like I was confessing a wrongdoing. She wanted to check my cervix to see how far I had dilated, if at all. When she was checking, we are were all delighted to hear I had progressed to about four centimeters. While she was still checking me, she told us she could “help” me get to five centimeters by manually stretching me. Without knowing what I was in for, I told her to go ahead.

OH. MY.

With Scott behind me on the bed, he had to hold me down while I screamed in pain. It felt unlike any pain I had ever experienced. It was as if she was ripping me apart from the inside. Thankfully it only lasted for a minute or so, and she was finished. “Let’s just hope it stays at a five”, is what she said. The best part of that whole experience was when Mary said, “You are going to have that baby here”! I finally felt confident that I was going to be delivering at the BC. Mary suggested we go for a walk around the parking lot of the BC. It was a beautifully sunny and somewhat brisk February day. I felt ok at this time, if not a little sore and traumatized from Mary’s “assistance”. On the way out, we saw Renee (Scott’s mom) in the waiting room and she gave us a hug of encouragement. Once outside, about ten feet from the front entrance, I had a very powerful surge. I had to grasp onto Scott, stop walking, and breathe through it. It lasted maybe a minute and was the most powerful one yet. After it stopped, we continued walking. Every few steps, I had to stop and lean against Scott while mentally trying to keep my breathing slow and even through the sensation. It was beginning to get difficult. At one point, I had to get onto all fours, with poor Scott behind me rubbing my back and saying sweet encouraging words. Unfortunately, we happened to be right next to the busy road with motorists driving by, probably wondering what the heck they were seeing! It took us about half an hour to do one loop around the BC building. I was now having contractions every few minutes. Walking back through the waiting room, I couldn’t muster one word to Renee, but managed to give her a reassuring pat. As soon as we walked into the room, I had another violent wave of nausea. I didn’t quite make it to the trash bin and ended up losing my lunch all over the floor and bed. Poor Scott had to just stand there helpless. He helped me into the clean side of the bed where I could curl into a ball and moan. I kept fluctuating between being hot and cold. Whenever a contraction came over me, I wanted no clothing touching me, but once it was over, I would be cold and want my robe back on. Scott was so great about always being there to put on or remove my robe with each surge. I would get onto all fours on the bed and squirm around trying to escape the pain. I was able to move off the bed to try to stand at the edge of the bed. I was hoping to be able to lean over the side of the bed to help alleviate some of the pain. Mary happened to be in the room while I was struggling between leaning on the side of the bed, or attempting to lay on all fours on the bed, none of which seemed to be working. During one particular strong contraction, I was standing at the edge of the bed. I immediately felt my legs want to curl under me and had the strong sensation to lay on the floor. “Squat into the contraction” Mary instructed. Scott supported me by my arms as I tried squatting during the surge. This, too, did not bring any relief.

I thought it was time to try something new. I asked Scott to fill the bathtub located right in the room. I got into the tub and immediately felt relief. Everything seemed to just get quieter. I could feel myself entering into an internal cave, withdrawing from my surroundings and left alone to focus on the long journey ahead. I was now in full blown active labor. From the cloud surrounding me, I would often hear Scott ask me questions about my well being, but I could not surface to answer, I had no concept of time or space, only of the constant surges that kept washing over me, like waves in an ocean. In the move from the bed and floor to the water, I made a conscience decision. I had earlier attempted to run away from the pain, but while in the tub, I decided to embrace it. It had not slackened in it’s intensity, yet I seemed better able to handle it while in the water. Instead of trying to move away, I decided to lie perfectly still while the surges came and simply “be”. I had read many books about natural birthing and remembered many women describing breathing low to help breathe the baby down through the diaphragm. I began moaning in a low voice with each surge that actually resembled mooing. Again, having no concept of time, I had no idea how long I was in the tub. (I later found out from Scott that I sat in the tub for about an hour and a half).

From the outside, I was calmly sitting in the tub, semi-squatting with my head tucked into the nook of my elbow. From the inside, I was concentrating on staying on top of the surges and not letting the pain overtake me. I did hear Mary come back into the room and ask Scott about my progress. I think she was concerned I had fallen asleep and was slowing down labor. She checked the water and found it had cooled considerably. She suggested to Scott to take me out of the tub. Mary wanted to check my dilation progress as well, so we moved to the bed. We discovered I had dilated to around 6 centimeters, which was promising, but still seemed like I had a marathon ahead of me.

According to Scott, I was on the bed for another hour, maybe hour and a half, mooing and moaning low through every surge, which were coming every few minutes. The pain would begin low and deep in my uterus, and spread to my back, as if I was being twisted and wrung powerfully from the inside. The next time Mary entered the room, I asked if there was a way to help alleviate the back labor I was experiencing. She suggested getting onto all fours, which I did while on the bed, all the while focusing on breathing and moaning low through each contraction. Sometimes the pain would only be in my front, other times it would spread to my back, or it would be both places at once. I just kept telling myself to not give in and to not start that downward spiral of self-doubt, fear and pain. I had survived thus far, and was succeeding!

The back pain was intensifying, so I asked Scott to start the shower for me. He set up a chair facing the wall so the water could rain down on my back. I leaned against the back of the chair and simply sat in the shower. The only thing I could do was sit and focus. Again, time did not exist for me, but I was told I was in the shower for an hour. During this time, I overheard a conversation between Mary and Scott about labor. The first thing she said was she thought I would give birth around midnight and that it was six hours away. Six more hours!?! The next thing she said could have negatively altered my focused path. Scott asked about the stages of labor and I heard Mary say that most women throw in the towel during “transition” (the dilation from 7 to 10 centimeters). She alluded that this was the most painful and that this was the point where women said they couldn’t bear it any longer. Upon hearing that, after all I felt I had already gone through and how much pain I felt I had endured and had to continue to endure, doubt crept in. If it was this hard already, what was I in for with my own transition? Her words scared me. I felt utterly alone, even with my sweet Scott constantly checking on me and giving me an encouraging caress. Not only did I have to battle the pain, I now had to battle that sly cunning enemy, doubt. The only thing I could do was just continue to breath and moan and fight for the power and control. I was able to defeat what her words almost conjured, and continue my battle with strength and resolve.

One resounding thought was the baby inside me. I knew he/she was going through their own struggle. I silently spoke to my baby and told him/her we were doing this together, and that I was right on the other side. I kept telling him/her to be strong, and I would be strong for them. It brought me comfort to know that our little one would soon be in my arms. I also envisioned myself opening wide for the baby to easily come out. With each moan, I mewed low and ended the breath with an ‘ooooooopen’ mantra. Visualizing myself opening also gave me something else to focus on other than the intense surges radiating from within.

After some time, I realized that I was shivering. Because the water was only focused on my back, I was cold from the front. (It was February and still cold outside). I knew I wanted to be moved back to the tub, but I had to swim up from my intense reverie to let Scott know. It did take a few moments for me to be able to surface and say one word “tub”. Scott immediately jumped from his shower-side vigil and began filling the tub. I felt his strong hands gently help me stand, and supported me as I waddled back towards the tub. We were alone together.

Scott lowered me into the warm water where I took my familiar position of sitting on my knees. Not five minutes after my tub immersion, I felt the most powerful and over-whelming sensation I have ever felt. I had to PUSH! I have never felt something as intense and demanding from my body. It was an order! I looked up at Scott and said “I have to push! I have to push! We were alone in the room so Scott ran out to find Mary. In those few seconds he was gone, I had an internal battle with my body. I was scared to push with no assistance, yet my body was screaming at me to bear down. Thankfully Mary, her assistant Natalie and Scott rushed into the room. Mary felt for the baby and exclaimed she could feel the top of the baby’s head. She did say she could feel a small part of my cervix still over the head, but not to worry and that I was ready to birth this baby. “Next time you feel that urge Laura, I want you to push!” Scott came behind me to hold me up by my arms so I wouldn’t go under the water. ’ The feeling came over me again to push, and I tried squeezing down. The immediate sensation was that I was pushing out of my rear end and that it was too big. I stopped pushing out of fear. Mary looked at me and said rather sternly, “put your chin into your chest, and bear down!”. I did as she instructed; put my chin in to my chest, and pushed. Without being aware I was doing it, I was making a guttural noise. I was bearing down, bearing down,bearing doooooowwwwwwn, and out came our baby’s head!! The pushing feeling subsided and there was our baby’s head hanging out in the water. He/she had so much hair!! We were all waiting for another contraction to come so I could push into it and push the rest of the baby out. Still in a dreamy haze, I wasn’t fully aware of all that was going on around me. I heard Scott ask if the baby was ok being underwater for that amount of time, and Mary told him the baby was still getting oxygen from the umbilical cord. Again, that strong powerful urge came over me to push….Scott grasped me under the arms, I put my chin down, and with a loud, primal scream that erupted out of me….I pushed our baby out into the world. It was 6:47PM, February 12th 2011.

Mary quickly grabbed the baby and placed him/her on my chest. Everything went peacefully quiet. Nothing else existed in those first few wonderful seconds.

Here I was, holding our beautiful new baby, still in the tub, legs still spread…I could feel the umbilical cord (still attached inside me) resting along my thigh. The baby whined slightly, but seemed to be calm. Time seemed to stop. “Boy that was fast, that happened so fast” Scott said. I wasn’t thinking anything except “hello there, hello my baby”. After a few minutes, Natalie asked if we wanted to see what we got….I hadn’t even thought about finding out the sex. All that mattered was this perfect, small creature resting against me. Scott helped unravel the baby from the towels the midwives had quickly wrapped around, and Natalie gently positioned the baby so Scott could see. A little girl!! All this time, all those punches, kicks, hiccups, internal caresses, all this time it was you, my sweet Baby Girl.

As for my body, I was still having strong surges, but I could tell they were lessening in intensity. We wanted to save the cord blood, so Mary and Scott gently lifted us out of the tub; me holding our baby girl, them helping me. I got onto the bed again, and Mary quickly began doing whatever she needed to do to capture the cord blood. Natalie gave me some quick tips about nursing, so I instantly put the baby’s mouth on me to nurse. Within two minutes, our new miracle was suckling away. She had latched! I felt another surge come, and was instructed by Mary to bear down once more. She assisted me by pressing into my abdomen with her hand. I felt the goopy mass gloop out me, and there was that beautiful home-organ that housed, fed and protected our baby. The wondrous placenta. I was encapsulating the placenta for my consumption, so Natalie packaged it up to be sent home with us. Mary let me know I had slightly torn and would be needing two stitches. Our baby only weighed 5lbs 11 oz, but I was still going to need to be mended. The birthing center did have lidocaine that Mary had to inject into me with a needle. Ouch. I felt that, much like you do at the dentist, only in my no-longer private areas. Even with the lidocaine, I felt every bit of those two stitches, but I was assured by Mary my husband would thank me later. ;)

While Mary was attending to me, Scott held the baby for the first time. I could see his awe and instantaneous love. It solidified for me in that moment what a wonderful father he would always be to her. He also took this moment to tell me why he had had to leave at the beginning of our labor journey. He had gone to pick up my “Push Gift” which was a beautiful Gucci diaper bag. He is always so thoughtful.

The midwives finished attending to me, so Scott came to the bed with our daughter. We all three laid there together and just cuddled. Those first few moments as a family will stay with me as one of the happiest and most complete moments of my life. After some time, we allowed our family into the room to meet the baby. We told everyone her sweet name, Sawyer Estela. After four hours of visitations, a slow and gentle shower for me and some family rest, we were told we could go home with our new baby. It was 11:45PM, February 12th, 2011.


The most powerful and most effective tool to birth a healthy baby is the mind of it's mother.

bump style

Seeing your body change can make you feel anywhere from excited to stressed to depressed to amazed. Most likely at one point you'll feel all those emotions at the same time, and no matter what you'll be stricken with a blank mind over 'what to wear???' Especially if it's your first pregnancy taking a look into your closet and seeing racks of clothes that no longer fit may send you into panic, thinking you have to rush out and buy all new specially designed maternity wear. But who has the time and money for that? So stop....look closer. Do all your dearly loved and carefully chosen garments REALLY no longer fit, or do they have potential to fit differently?

I've pretended jersey strapless blouson tops were low-waisted pencil skirts, that a short full skirt was a big billowy top, seen my loose t-shirts get suddenly shrunken and most favoritely wore long full flowing printed skirts as dresses pulled up to the bust.


Since that makes a strapless look I usually preferred to get coverage for my arms from a short cropped jacket or sweater shrug, which is a great trick to emphasize shape too.



No sewing usually required for this kind of fun, garments in stretchy knits or with elastic waistbands are your best friend when experimenting wearing old things new ways. You might have some safety pins handy though, play with draping using scarves or belts for trying high empire lines and low-slung hips. Don't forget to raid your husband's closet! Oversized t-shirts are always a good time too.



A few new peices can make a big difference in making what you already have work, Bellabands are a super-posh little item to have to make the most of your regular jeans as long as you can. I've never owned maternity jeans but many of my friends have loved their maternity pair of Sevens or Citizens, good denim really is a great investment. As could be a well made dress for a special occasion or a few versatile peices to be your professional wardrobe workhorses.

I lead a casual life so for pants I leaned on leggings. I already had a million pairs in my closet anyway, trimming or completely cutting the waistbands out to fit an ever-changing waistline is simple and quick. With everything from long loose tunics to fitted tanks are a couple ways I wore them.

Dressing the extreme convex shape of a baby bump can at first seem like a challenge, but it's really such a fun fashion opportunity to have your body in a state so different than usual, and so beautiful! Play with the proportions by pairing a tight top with with a long full flowing skirt, or wear skin-tight leggings with a breezy, voluminous blouse.
For showing off shape my go-to look was wearing my jersey stretched tight tight tight from head to toe! It makes the parts of you that are still small look even smaller, so flattering and super comfortable.



Loose sack dresses or a straight-up muumuu is probobly the most comfortable you can get, and was pretty much all I wore in those final days and weeks. Thrift and vintage shops are the best places to find these kinds of dresses on the cheap and most authentic if you're drawn to Mexican style like I am.


A note on being pregnant in heels. Yes, it looks super posh but whether it's safe and comfortable should be your concern. Giving up my heels as my belly grew was my biggest maternity style challenge, I missed them so much and tried to rock them as long as I could but had too many outings where I came home early, limping in pain. *TIP* If you're going to try to wear heels when in your pregnant heart you know you shouldn't, put a pair of flats in your purse! Or if you're like my super-posh friend Jennifer who wore her heels happily to the end, rock on.

Speaking of the end, as you begin this baby bump fashion expedition keep in mind that the clothes that fit well during the first part of your pregnancy will probably be what will fit you best during postpartum. Don't buy a single new thing without thinking about your baby having easy access to your breasts! V-necks and stretchy scoop-necks are the best.


All-black is always posh but don't be afraid to embrace wild print and color, be your best woman - big and bold! And DON"T forget to take a picture. You'll want to remember these days when you, were really two.

Those final days and weeks

Of waiting on your baby. They can feel like eternity! When I hit 38 weeks with twins I began to coax my small passengers 'Runway is cleared hot, it's go time boys! Let's go let's GO!' They had little minds of their own, and tiny lungs to still develop. I found it so fascinating to learn that it is not a mothers body, but her baby that triggers the start of labor.

I watched my due date come and go...which was especially surprising for a twin pregnancy and I had to work just a little bit to keep my sanity and keep my perspective on what was important. Here are a few things that helped me make the most of that trying time.

*Knowing most likely, never in my life would I be THAT pregnant again. I would never ever be able to hold my sons this tightly and so close to my heart, and I'd spend the rest of my life trying.

*Getting my exercise on. Staying active through pregnancy is important, though clearly you should listen to your body and modify your routine to fit your current strength and energy level. Wanting to be sure we went to 36 weeks I had relaxed on working out after about week 32 to avoid stressing my body and bringing on labor prematurely. But after 38 weeks I felt an intense drive to mobilize! If you're up for it push yourself in yoga, hoola hoop 'till your baby drops and walk walk walk, hike up and down steep-inclined billygoat hills if it feels good. It did to me!

*Giving in to good old fashioned crying jags. It began to feel like my own personal Groundhog Day, waking up pregnant again every morning. Crying in the shower felt so good to let it all out and give my emotions the room they needed to sort out and welcome another beautiful day. It WILL be another beautiful day dammit!

*Kept a sense of humor and wore horizontal stripes, going full-on embracing bumblebee style.


*Appreciating those extra days of waiting, being blessed at the surprising things that happened to bring my family closer and prepare us to meet our new members, in ways we didn't even know we needed. Doing a little extra stocking of my freezer with ready-made meals for my husband to defrost and serve to me on tray with fresh flowers for the first 30 days as he pledged on his own accord. What a guy right??

*Making a mess and a memory with a belly cast!

An especially fun project to do with children, easy and cheap too with pre-pasted plaster strips from the craft store. Just cut the strips to the desired length, dip in a bowl of warm water and layer them across your beautiful pregnant body. *TIP* Liberally apply petroleum jelly FIRST! While getting stuck in plaster made for a hilarious scene I will never forget, it was a painful process peeling the cast off and one I'd advise you to pass on. Lube up!


But what if the magic week of 40 passes you by? Normal full-term pregnancies usually result in spontaneous labor between 37 and 42 weeks, but know that your due date may not be what it seems.
As you approach 40 weeks you'll likely find yourself thinking about options to induce labor or be asked to induce by your care provider. There is concern over the rate of stillbirth shown to increase in very late pregnancies, but researchers report their studies are flawed and the midwifery community takes a more conservative approach to managing post-date babies. PLEASE do not take this decision lightly, a labor that starts spontaneously is by far superior in achieving in a progressive labor and healthy birth. The circumstances of your life, your health and the health of your baby will be your deciding factors and are YOUR OWN to weigh and ultimately choose Posh Mama. Clearly if your baby is showing signs of distress an induction can save their life. But an unnecessary induction can make your labor more painful, less productive and increase your chances of needing surgical assistance to birth your baby. Also, if your baby is born before they are ready it's more likely they will have breathing difficulties and need time in the NICU.

I have had two pregnancies go 10 days past 40 weeks and was pressured to induce with both of them. My twin pregnancy presented the most pressing and stressful decision for me. My midwife was getting a bit nervous, my husband was beyond ready to have his boys in his arms and our perinatologist put the most pressure on but his reasons were not persuasive to me. More convincing than his main argument of 'I was five weeks past where I needed to be' was the proof from his ultrasounds showing both my babies to be big and healthy, surrounded by ample amniotic fluid with perfectly functioning placentas. I had been having prodromal labor for over a week, erratic contractions that lasted a few hours then stopped. My 'Baby A' was engaged so low in my pelvis I joked that he could see daylight. Especially since I had a history of full-term and 'past due' babies resulting in live healthy births I appreciated his opinion but felt most confident that true labor was clearly imminent and there was no compelling reason to risk artificially rushing it.

I was however doing what I could to push my body over that edge.

*By having as much sex as my husband would put up with! Sperm with all it's fantastical prostoglandins is helpful in ripening the cervix and the hormonal benefits of getting physical with the one you love can help get your body, heart and mind in the right place for the birth process to begin.

*Getting on my electric breastpump for 20 minutes a few times a day. Nipple stimulation is powerful in triggering uterine contractions, and it's so exciting to see those liquid gold drops of colustrum before your baby is born.

*Drinking lots of Red Raspberry leaf tea and Emergen-C, tons of water, eating and resting intuitively. When labor is right around the corner be full of nutrients and rested up! Though trust me, I know how the discomfort of late pregnancy makes sleep nearly impossible, just get what you can.

*Getting massages and requesting labor-triggering pressure points be worked.

*Taking Evening Primrose Oil, which is also be helpful in ripening the cervix.

*Getting into my meditation and visualization. The mind calming and body relaxing techniques I had employed through pregnancy in preparation for birth had a serious dress rehearsal or two. If your minds eye sees it and you believe it, you can achieve it!

*I also took a turn inward, closing off some portals to the outside world and coming into my cave. Most specifically my Facebook feed and internet friends who had been amazing support and inspiration through pregnancy but inadvertently added to my pressure in those final delicate hours. I couldn't look at my phone either, responding to texts from eager friends and family asking 'babies yet?' began to grate the nerves with the repetitive answer of 'NOPE'. Taking time to really tune out from the others and tune in to my babies, my body and those in my innermost trusted circle helped me to stay confident and calm.

Other things mothers report that seemed to bring on labor include eating spicy food and eggplant parmesan, acupuncture, taking a bumpy ride over railroad tracks....you will hear all kinds of interesting things from friends, family and strangers on the street that you can try if you want.

If you decide on induction for compelling evidence-based reasons, chose wisely! Personally I was set to go for a full 42 weeks then induce with a castor oil cocktail, a membrane sweep by my midwife along with some serious time on the breastpump and tinctures of cohosh. If you are right on the edge these things can work well, here's the story of a super posh friend of mine who began the birth of her daughter using some of these methods.

Tara & Quinn


I finally gave birth to our baby girl on Thursday, July 1st 2010.

A day earlier, Mike and I had a 9:00am appointment at the birthing center. I was really anxious because I was not having any indications of contractions or oncoming labor. My body wasn't doing anything and we were running out of time. I was so exhausted. Quinn was on day 11 of being over-due and I would have to be induced three days later if we weren't able to stir up contractions. Jean, the owner of the birthing center met with Mike and I and did an internal exam. To our dismay, I was still only at about 1 1/2 cm's and 40% effaced. To top it off, Quinn hadn't even dropped yet. She was floating above my pelvic bone and not putting any pressure on the nerves that stimulate contractions. Not very good for being almost 42 weeks pregnant. They had advised for me to drink castor oil at our previous appointment but I was hesitant and neglected to follow their instructions (stupid Tara!). Jean gave me a bit of a lecture (eeek!) telling me that at this point I would HAVE to try the castor oil since it was one of the only homeopathic natural remedies that could help push my body into labor if I were to remain a patient at the birthing center. It was more about getting Quinn out at this point, mostly because after 42 weeks the placenta starts to break down, the amniotic fluid starts to dry up and the baby continues to grow bigger and bigger. They were estimating she would be around nine or ten pounds at this point so the pressure was on!

I was nervous about taking the castor oil, only because the repercussions can be a bit intense (it's a natural laxative soooo... I'll let you use your imaginations, haha.) So I stopped by the grocery store and picked up the most fatty, chocolatey, rich Rocky Road ice cream that I could find and mixed it with the castor oil and some soy milk in the blender once I got home. I put that sucker in a giant beer glass and downed it as quickly as I could....BLECH! Nothing on the face of the earth can mask that taste of thick, goobery, cooking-oil-smelling lipgloss-consistency grossness, but I got it down and tried to fall asleep as quickly as possible before I could let my brain realize what I had just ingested. About two hours later at 1:30, I woke up with some grumbles and about twenty minutes after that a few contractions started. By 3:00 or so, I started to feel consistent contractions happening every six minutes. I walked around the house for a bit and fell back asleep watching The Sand Lot on Netflix. About an hour later I awoke to much stronger contractions. I used my trusty iPhone app to time how closely together they were happening...two to three minutes apart! Holy! I was a bit in shock and really wondering if my body could possibly be going into labor so quickly. I remembered the midwives telling me that I would know when to call them when I was having trouble talking through contractions...and that time had come! We were planning on having a nice dinner with our families that evening and I emerged from our room, having trouble talking, right as Mike's parents had walked through the door. I walked over to his desk and asked if he could call the birthing center right as he was finishing his last email for work...perfect timing! A few minutes later, Jean was on the phone with me trying to confirm that I in fact was having contractions two minutes apart. She told us to come to the birthing center with our bags but to not be disappointed if we get sent home considering that I could be in false labor since I had absolutely no signs of labor earlier that morning. Mike calmly grabbed all of our things and we got into the car.

After getting stuck in some traffic and avoiding as many speed bumps/train tracks as possible, we arrived to the birthing center and made it inside by 5:00. Everyone was waiting for us and Jean excitedly brought me into the exam room. I was having trouble paying attention to everything they were talking about, only because my contractions were coming two at a time by that point. But...the great news was that I was at 3 1/2 cm, 100% effaced and Quinn had dropped at was at zero station! Jean was laughing and in complete shock. It was time to go to our birthing room! As we made our way down the hallway, all of the midwives were excitedly talking and in disbelief at how quickly my labor had progressed. I felt really encouraged and excited too, but was actively concentrating on staying as relaxed as possible. When we made it into our room, Mike busted out his iPod and put on some relaxing music as Jean helped me into the hot shower to try to soothe the pain I was in. That wound up being my favorite place to be! I must have sat in there for hours....the hot water on my back while I sat on the birthing ball was incredibly soothing. It helped me relax my muscles through each contraction.

By 7:00pm, I was at 5cm dilated and by 10:00 I was at 7cm! No one could believe it....but I could!! The rushes that I was feeling were getting stronger and stronger. It was difficult to relax sometimes, only because they were occurring one on top of the other with little resting time in between. At the same time, I was willing them to come quickly so I would be that much closer to having the baby. Our midwives Vickie and Charlotte drew me a bath hoping to help me cope a little more comfortably. The water felt awesome and allowed me to contort my body in different ways to help with the growing intensity but man, by 11:00 I was in the transition phase and was having a lot of trouble fighting the urge to push! That was by far the most awkward feeling I've ever had. My body was practically convulsing....struggling to push while my brain was telling it not to. In between these crazy urges, Mike said I kept falling asleep. I was leaning on the edge of the tub and my face would fall down into the water, waking me back up. I remember feeling incredibly thirsty and exhausted during this point.

Vickie had me get out of the tub and lay down on the bed so she could examine me again. I was fully dilated at this point but apparently a part of my cervix had still not pushed back over Quinn's head so she was urging me to resist pushing to avoid inflammation of any tissues. Holding back was so excruciatingly difficult! I was trying to quickly blow air out while fighting the pushing urges but it was getting so tough. Mike was trying so hard to comfort me and keep me relaxed... I remember him softly rubbing my shoulders and running his fingers through my hair. He kept feeding me water through a straw too, hehe. About thirty minutes later, I knew my body was ready, whether my cervix was or not! After no progress during this time, Vickie finally decided to let me go with the pushing urges to see if that might push the cervix back. The second I was allowed to push....it felt AMAZING! Such a weird feeling! This rolling wave of momentum would thunder and roll through my chest, down through my stomach and pelvis and toward my legs. At the end of each push, I could feel this rush of pressure release and slowly push the baby down. Through each contraction, I strived to reach that last point where I could feel Quinn slowly moving through the birth canal. It was the only sign that indicated that I was making progress getting her out.

After about forty five minutes of pushing was when things got REALLY intense. Quinn was lodged in the birth canal and not moving. Mike and the three midwives were hovering over me at that point...encouraging me to push as hard as I could. In between contractions, Mike would put the oxygen mask on me and encourage me to drink to stay hydrated. Apparently I was turning colors, haha. I was trying SO hard to push at this point...I wanted to see her so badly! My body almost had a mind of its own because I can't remember very much. The only thing that stands out to me was Mike excitedly shouting "You've got this Tara!!!!!!!! Come on!!! You can do it!!!!" and helping to hold my legs while I pushed. I remember Vickie saying something about how the baby was coming out with one of her arms up by her head and that her shoulders were stuck. They had to get her out NOW. And I really remember the extreme pressure once she used her hands to physically twist Quinn's body around inside of me to pull her out one shoulder at a time at 1:02am.

I vaguely remember a little grey body on my chest and looking at Mike to try to figure out what was going on. I was so exhausted and delirious, the only thing that made sense to me was seeing him there beside me. I looked up at some point to see Vickie putting an oxygen mask on Quinn and rubbing her little body vigorously. They then put a little tube down her throat to start sucking out fluid. I rested while all this was happening, too confused and tired to understand that there was eventually a (8lb 11oz!!!!) baby laying on my chest again. They even had me cut her umbilical cord! I can barely remember doing it! But what I do remember is the sweet sound of a baby crying. I immediately snapped out of my post delivery trance that I was in and I looked over to see my sweet Mike holding a little bundle of flailing arms and legs! Whewwwwwww!!

It was such an incredible experience....I just can't believe I did it. I DID IT!!! I had her just the way that I wanted and it really wasn't that bad. Of course there were some incredibly intense parts but I am proud of myself for staying calm and letting my body do what it was meant to do. It felt extremely encouraging to have faith that my body knew what to do....and I think that's what helped my labor progress so quickly. I am also so grateful for Mike and how wonderful of a partner and coach that he was. He stayed so calm and attentive, constantly encouraging me and embracing me when I was struggling through contractions. I couldn't have gone through this without him. What an amazing man!!

That's Quinn's birth story. I wanted to write it down before time encourages forgetfulness. Mike and I are both so happy, Quinn is so incredibly precious, sweet and beautiful.

The culmination of a pregnancy is just as hormone-driven as it's conception. Do not underestimate the power of your state of mind and the connection between your thoughts, your body and your baby. Believe and expect the best, and know that you are strong enough to handle the unexpected with your open heart.

My beef with Babywise

Modern parents seem incapable of raising their children without reaching for a book detailing some sort of program, schedule, or method developed by an 'expert'. I was one of those parents. Inundated by the advice of others 'Oh you MUST read Dr. Weissbluth', or 'Happiest Baby On The Block' changed my life! or 'If you ever want to sleep again you must train your baby - BABYWISE them!' I quickly acquired a stack of baby care books, baby play books and baby sleep books. My first baby, my sweet little daughter was a very demanding infant. At least as a brand-new mom who couldn't remember actually ever changing a diaper in my life and had never seen anyone breastfeed I was confused and overwhelmed at how much one tiny little baby cried, how hard she was to burp, how little she slept and how she was happy in just one place - on my chest.

When I first read 'Babywise' I thought I had found the answer to life! I think I remember crying with relief. Finally somebody made it so straightforward and simple with a to-the-minute schedule of the day detailing exactly what to do with my baby to make her healthy, happy and sleep like a tank through the night. Sweet!

Not so sweet for my poor baby, who didn't understand why I was laying her down and walking away from her while she cried, or attempting to keep her awake a little longer when she was clearly sleepy, and holding off for 15 minutes to feed her because the clock said it wasn't time yet. It wasn't long until it was obvious to me this method had a whole lot of holes in it.

I had been especially swayed by the first chapter of the book, where Ezzo emphasizes the marriage relationship as the foundation of the family. Well of course! My husband and I are the glue that holds it all together, in fact none of these other little people would even be here if it weren't for our connection and our first responsibility to our children is to stay together and stay in love so we can best provide and care for them. TOGETHER. The solidarity of our relationship gives our children their ultimate sense of security. But over time, I began to see how Gary Ezzo twists this beautiful family structure to a point where the husband-wife relationship is so elevated that children become antagonists, their sinful demands needing to be controlled to conform to our expectations and adult needs.

I am not interested in criticizing parents who use Babywise and sing it's praises. I assume people are being posh, using their brains and taking the best of any advice that speaks to them and employing it with caution, carefully modifying to fit the needs of their individual child.

But....I take issue with Gary Ezzo!

Starting with the conflicting messages through the book which get more confusing the more modified editions are released in effort to back-track on his extreme views.
'Don't feed your baby on demand, but feed them when they are hungry' What what??? umm...isn't that the same thing? If I'm supposed to feed my baby when they are hungry it makes more sense to me to anticipate their need and offer them milk when they start doing that cute little rooting thing with their mouth, long BEFORE they start crying. And does it really matter that I just nursed them for an hour 30 minutes ago if it's obvious they want to nurse and my swelling breasts are giving me the same message? An infant tummy is so tiny, Ezzo is so concerned with a mother getting 'full feedings' in her baby to create a few hours until she has to nurse again that he fails to recognize how fast babies eliminate what they eat and how quickly an empty tummy causes them discomfort. Ezzo's infant feeding plan gets well-deserved criticism for causing failure to thrive in infants, as his schedule of spaced-out timed feedings ends up a few meals shy of what the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends an infant get on demand through a 24-hour period.

And really, is 'feeding' the only thing that makes my breasts so attractive to my baby? Nursing is about SO much more than just nutrition! There is so much loving and learning happening when your baby is at your breast, so much hormonal balancing, emotional growth and physical rest. For BOTH mother and baby the benefits of constant closeness and natural nursing based on need far outweigh the benefits of any arbitrary schedule. Babywise not only fails to recognize the importance of comfort nursing, it paints your infant as your adversary for having this basic need for closeness and erroneously warns that you will spoil your child with comfort. Complete craziness!

What's also crazy and downright cruel in it's manipulation of insecure parents is the contrast of the two fictional babies whose stories are woven throughout the book. One a perfect Babywise baby who is happy, eats huge meals when food is offered on her expected schedule, sleeps through the night at just a few weeks of age and has happy, well-rested confident parents. In comparison is her nightmare terror cousin whose parents cater to her every whim, feeding her 'snacks' anytime she is hungry, never putting her down for naps consistently and live a mess of self-created chaos, exhausted and at the mercy of their selfish demanding child. Ezzo completely misconstrues the Attachment Parenting philosophy and presents a false choice, misleading good-hearted people who want so badly to do the best thing for their family.

He consistently demeans the needs of infants and emphasizes the importance of adult needs, one example is when he suggests it could be appropriate to veer from the schedule and feed your baby before it's time when you are on an airplane and your fussy baby is disturbing other passengers. What WHAT?? So pleasing random strangers is an important guide to decide how and when to meet the needs of my baby? This illustration is one of the first that sent red flags running for me, the theme of a child being a nuisance that must be controlled to please adults became more disheartening the more I read.

The Ezzo's have (and clearly need) a website to defend themselves, the opening testimony posted on their home page is most revealing of Ezzo's true feelings regarding infant humans. This family praises the Babywise method for blessing them by making it seem that 'it was not like having a baby in the family at all'. I have to ask, what's so wrong with having a baby in the family when your child IS A BABY? Newborns are are SO incredible! Yes they are a lot of work but it's a short time to cherish as truly there are few things in life endearing as a wrinkly little wiley-eyed new baby with their soft sugar-sack bodies, sweet little spastic arms and rooting little lips, desperately needing your attention and affection. Infants run purely on instincts in their fight for survival and for them it is as basic as 'I am small and you are big - hold me, protect me!' Doesn't everyone, from the fetal to the geriatric stage deserve appropriate care and respect, especially in the most vulnerable of times?

My biggest beef with Babywise has got to be the hijacking of Christianity. Earth to Ezzo.....Christianity began with forgiveness and an empty tomb, no need to be so Old Testament dude! Relax. Ezzo manipulates his Christian audience by promoting his method as 'God's Way' and it's clear he thinks parents should exercise God-like control over their sin-natured little ones. But isn't Christianity about Jesus? What did Jesus say about children, and how did He treat them? He acted in an incredibly compassionate way towards all people but especially the smallest ones, giving them the most amazing of His grace. Can you imagine Jesus Christ walking away from a distressed infant saying 'I let them cry it out and I love it! It's good for them!'?? A sentiment I've seen expressed on too many pro-Babywise blogs and forums. It's a conundrum how a method based on such an un-Christlike attitude is so popular among Christians. What is the true role of a Christian parent, and how is TRUE authority best achieved? It's the great paradox of serving to lead. Christian parents can be confident in kicking Babywise to the curb and looking no further than the example of Jesus Christ, basing their parenting principles in grace.

My daughter taught me so much about the legitimate needs of a baby and how amazingly, serving her needs resulted in meeting my own. Her little brother taught me more, and my identical twin sons are teaching me even more about how wonderfully unique every child is and how I'm capable of more than I think I am. My babies and I are happiest when I carry them close, when they are fed when they are hungry, and when I help them sleep when they are sleepy. Sleeping with them in my arms or on my chest did take a little getting used to, but it's how we all found the rest we needed through those early erratic months. Trusting that my babies know when they are tired and when they are hungry resulted in them creating a pretty predictable routine for themselves that is not too far off Ezzo's schedule anyway. Newborns can only comfortably stay awake for an hour or two and a basic rhythm of 'Eat Play Sleep' is a pretty natural development too, in time. No need to force it! I have also found that rocking and nursing a baby to sleep is bliss for both parties.

I'm not going to tell anyone exactly how to parent their child, only to find your expert within. You may not know it but you know far more about your baby than anyone else does, and YOUR BABY IS THE BEST BOOK! Observe and listen to them, they will tell you what they need and you are capable of giving it to them.

Let compassion guide your response, be loving, be gentle, give grace and enjoy your baby! Being a parent is the poshest job around!