Why baby WHY? Why do you cry??? Are you hungry? Are you sleepy? Does your tummy hurt? Is it a big stuck burp? Does it hurt when you poop? Are you hot, cold, uncomfy in this hold? I'm new to this and am pretty uncomfortable, sore and sleepy myself.
Your tender cries wrench my tired heart, isn't there some easy way to figure you out??
Yes, actually there is. I will be forever grateful to my super posh friend who gifted me her Pricilla Dunstan DVD. Australian mother Dunstan has an ear fine-tuned for music and as it turns out, a baby's cry too. Noticing the differences in her son's cries and how her responses settled him led her to wonder if other babies spoke her son's same cry language. Turns out they did, and as she moved beyond her Australian home she found babies all over the world cried the same cries, no matter their mother's native tongue.
For the first 3 months at least as babies are smartypants fast little learners and after that they begin to mimic sounds and their cries do become influenced by the spoken language they hear.
But until then, in those early weeks of adjusting to life outside the womb it's all led by pure instinct in the fight for survival.
A hungry baby will root for it's mother's breast, involuntarily touching it's tongue to the roof of it's mouth resulting in a 'n' sound to it's cry. If your newborn's cry sounds like 'Neh neeehhhhh nnnnneeeehhhh!!!!' then you can be confident in feeding your baby. This is most definitely the cry I've heard the most. Babies want to nurse, it's what they do!
When a baby is 'windy' as Aussie mums say, you can determine whether the 'wind' or stuck air bubbles (that would be a 'burp' or a 'fart' for us Americans) are in their upper intestines or lower intestines based on the sound of their cry. Gas in their upper body that is best relived by burping sounds like an 'Eh' 'Eeehhhhhhh eeeh eheeeh eeeehhhhh!!!!' So hold them upright with their chest against yours or over your shoulder or on your knee with their head supported and pat pat pat pat with a rhythmic upward motion until they give you that satisfying belch.
But if your baby is crying with more of a groaning moan, an 'eearrrrhhhhhgggh. Earrghh! Earrrghhhh!!!!!' Then you can figure it's a poop in works that could use a little parental help. A downward gentle rub on their backs, or an even gentler downward rub on their tummies is helpful, as is a gentle squeeze upward with their tiny knees. Be SO careful with their tiny bodies and small organs! Even the most minor outward pressure is major for them. Even if you are not sure you are helping, I promise that your loving touch and empathetic words are comforting....even though they might still be screaming in your face. You're doing great, you're totally posh! I promise!
If your baby cries with an 'ow' sound with their little lips forming a round shape, you can figure they are sleepy. A warm tight swaddle up and a guide to your breasts with a sweet song and lullaby rocking will help them find the sleep they need.
And if you notice a bit of an 'h' sound to the top of your baby's cry, a 'heeehhh' Hhhheeeehhh!!!' Check first for a dirty diaper, heat, cold, constriction on a body part or anything else that could cause discomfort as that's what that cry usually means. Usually their discomfort is wanting a nipple in their mouth. It's what babies do!
*Neh - hungry
*Owh - tired
*Eh - upper wind
*Eairh - lower wind
*Heh - discomfort
And those five 'words' are the basics of what Pricillia Dunstan has dubbed 'Baby Language'. Posh right?
Order her DVD for a fabulous explanation from Pricillia herself, and wonderful examples of real-life babies crying these cries. While watching I recognized these sounds instantly in my own Texas babies, it was so exciting and comforting to find meaning in those sounds that had been such a source of stress.
Dunstan or not, LISTEN to your newborn baby. Their only means of communication is their cry and it is EXACTLY as serious as it sounds.
Every child is different, some cry a lot and some hardly at all. Supposedly African babies don't cry at all. No matter how much I wore my babies tied to my body with organic cotton fabric or how much unlimited access to my breasts I gave them they still cried, and cried A LOT. Maybe because my last two were twins and crying in stereo is just that much more stressful so it may have seemed worse that it was...... but it was pretty bad.
Yes, my vagina is awesome and can do many amazing things but no honey, we cannot put the babies back inside. These tiny humans making their existence known are here to change the world and they are starting with ours. Find the poshness in it....I promise it's there.
What do those early weeks and months of figuring out your baby teach you? SO much! SO much about your amazing baby, so much about what you're capable of, so much about compassion. So much about extending yourself for others. Sleep deprivation is not for pussies, that is for certain. But no matter how hungry, how tired, how depleted and desperate you may feel you ARE STILL STRONGER THAN YOUR BABY. You are. You are so POSH!
Posh enough to not let your baby cry alone. My twins had 'witching hours' starting at 6pm just a few days after birth. For months they cried for hours every night with extreme 'eh' and 'earh' sounds finally letting out either a big satisfying burp or a mind-blowing diaper-exploding crap. It seemed clear that their problem was tummy trouble, working out the process of digestion causing them pain is what made them cry cry cry and tell us all about it. By listening to your baby's cry and responding to them compassionately you will learn to understand them and give them the care they need. Do NOT be misguided by outdated advice telling you an infant crying alone fosters independence or is in some way healthy for them!
Every human life no matter how big and no matter how small is still a person, after all.
I think credit for that quote goes to Dr. Suess. I don't know, I'm tired. And I hear a baby crying.
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